A few weeks ago, I was having lunch with my friend Miffy (not his real name, of course - but if you knew him, you'd realize how fitting a name it is), and I was kvetching (from the Yiddish - to complain, to bitch, to moan) about a client and how they were making me nuts. He said, "Well, if misery loves company..." and I stopped him. I said, "No - I don't know who came up with that, but misery does not love company. What does that mean, anyway? If I have a mysterious toe fungus, I would love for you to have a mysterious toe fungus as well? No; misery should not love or even want company unless misery is just a sadistic old so and so."
Upon reflection, I realize that I may have been mistaken.
Misery does love company, but not just any company. It has to be the right company. If I'm getting hit over the head with a hammer, and I'm really not enjoying that very much, would I want my brother, or my wife, or even Miffy to get hit over the head with a hammer as well? Of course not - I don't want them to suffer and it would do me no good anyway. They are the wrong company. However, if the fella smacking my noggin with that mallet were to feel the hammer from my perspective - perhaps if, for every time he hit my head, he had to hit his own head as well with equal force, well then - that is company that I would love. No, not simply love - adore. Because maybe, just maybe, if Crazy Head Hammer Guy feels - actually feels - how much I'm hurting, and it hurts him that much as well - perhaps he will stop the hammering. Maybe he'll turn over a new leaf and become Really Remorseful Aspirin Dispensing Guy instead.
Which brings us to the latest financial markets.
Our beloved Fed Chairman, Ben Bernanke (Bernanke....the most beautiful sound I ever heard...) has been of late the wholesale distributor of aspirin to us in the form of interest rate cuts. Heck, the other day, he was just plain giving it away with a 3/4 point cut in the overnight lending rate. They haven't done something like that in decades. So why now? We've been dealing with financial hardship for quite awhile; why are they acting so aggressively now? Because the folks at the top - the Masters of the Universe - the nasty guys swinging the hammers and trying to knock every last penny out of us - well, they're finally starting to feel the pain as well...and it's about time.
The powers that be are starting to feel what we've been feeling for quite awhile and - surprise, surprise - they don't like it. So here comes dear Mr. Bernanke (They call the wind Bernanke...) with rate cuts and Treasury Secretary Henry Paulson (a far less musical name, unlike Bernanke - Bernanke! Bernanke! One helluva guy!) with the President's great and powerful stimulus package. Ooooooh! Ahhhhhhh! Great and powerful stimulus package!
Yeah - 300 to 600 bucks a piece. You'll get your check in May. And they want us to spend it as fast as humanly possible. With that, and of course some big business tax credits, this package will make everything all better again. Debt Daddy's reaction to this package? Well, in cyber terms, I am ROFLMAOPMPBAGFLSHDGIMNMA! (translated - Rolling On the Floor Laughing My Ass Off, Pissing My Pants,Busting A Gut From Laughing So Hard, Dear God, I May Need Medical Attention). It's ridiculous. It's ludicrous. And it's a prime example of how much Rich America is out of touch with the rest of us. The total rebate for my household will be $1,800, which is a little less than half my monthly mortgage payments. In their scenario, I'm like a crack addict in need of a retail fix and I won't even wait for the check to clear before I run down to the mall and pick up a new flat screen tv, or a new set of 14 carat gold toe rings, or that snazzy cappuccino/espresso/ravioli maker I've had my eye on - it really doesn't matter. In their scenario, I simply can't be rational with money, and will spend it on pretty much anything in order to get that retail rush. Corporate profits will rise, the GDP will appear solvent, and confidence will return to the markets. Blind consumerism will have once again rescued Corporate America and her bloodsucking CEO's, and all will be right with the world. Their world, anyway.
Of course, in my scenario, that's not gonna happen. That money will go where pretty much all my money goes - paying down the debt. I'm hoping that the large majority of Americans do the same. I'm hoping that this stimulus package does absolutely nothing to stimulate the economy because, if it does help, then the country will go back to business as usual, and that's simply unacceptable. Call me un-American if you will, but I've been enjoying the last few months. I enjoy hearing that Bernanke (he's Bernanke...boys, he'll make you happy...yeah, yeah, yeah) has dropped interest rates again....and again....and again. I giggle when I hear mildly panicked radio announcers asking financial experts the same question over and over an over again - "Are we heading for a recession??" - as if we weren't already in one. You and I and most of America - we've been doing the recession mambo for quite awhile - but now these guys are finally starting to hear the music.
Well, welcome to the financial whack-a-mole machine, fellas! How's that hammer feel?
This whole thing is gonna get worse before it gets better. But, ironically enough, worse for them is better for us. If we take that rebate and pay down our debts instead of spending it, they may give us more rebates to "jump-start the economy". If the Richies continue to be scared and run to Bernanke (Beeeeeeeeen - Bernanke when the wind comes sweeping down the plain!) to save them, he'll lower rates again...and again...and again.
And so it goes. It's no day at the beach, but hey - at least now we've got company.
Wednesday, January 23, 2008
Sunday, January 20, 2008
Cents, Scents and Nonsense
You just can't make this stuff up. Well, I guess you could, but why the hell would you even want to?? I heard about this on Bloomberg Radio (a financial radio station) today and could not believe my frigging ears. Check out this article -
Davos Aromas Deodorize Subprime Stench, Charm Dimon, Kissinger
By A. Craig Copetas
Jan. 17 (Bloomberg) -- Truth is, the global economy can sometimes stink.
So the World Economic Forum is targeting the noses of the 2,400 global leaders at the group's 38th annual meeting next week in Davos, Switzerland. Perfume-pumping machines in the main conference halls will spray eight specially created fragrances such as Artemis and Lavender Fields to relieve any unpleasant aromas that settle on delegates, who include Chevron Corp. Chief Executive Officer David O'Reilly, JPMorgan Chase & Co. CEO Jamie Dimon and former U.S. Secretary of State Henry Kissinger.
The creator of eau de Davos is Christophe Laudamiel, a French chemist who is senior perfumer at International Flavors & Fragrances Inc. The New York-based company blends aromas for fashion houses such as Polo Ralph Lauren Corp. and makes the smell that makes a new car smell like a new car.
``WEF called in August and interviewed me for three hours to make sure I wasn't a weirdo,'' says Laudamiel, who earned his chemistry degree at the University of Strasbourg and was the chief ``perfumer creator'' at Procter & Gamble Co. ``The invitation was a surprise. I'm more often asked by women what perfume they should wear to have guys jump them on the street.''
The 38-year-old aroma engineer spent the next six months in his company's labs in Berlin and Manhattan, working with 2,200 vials of potions and secretly constructing ``chords and arpeggios'' of scents to make the WEF perfumes that he says can trigger imagination without words.
The Mission
Laudamiel's mission is to create and circulate aromatic moments that evoke the intimacy of the meeting, while helping delegates solve global calamities against a backdrop of crisis. Paramount among what the WEF's 2008 program portrays as a global ``contagion'' is the fallout from lenders marking down more than $80 billion after a surge in U.S. subprime mortgage defaults.
``The aroma of subprime is an interesting concept, and that's one of the reasons I'm fragrancing the rooms,'' Laudamiel says. ``I want my perfumes to overcome the gloom.''
``It's important we leave sufficient room for the young people involved in the forum to develop seminars like this,'' says Klaus Schwab, the WEF's 69-year-old founder and chairman.
Then, with a smile on his face, Schwab says he has ``no clue'' how the perfume project came together. ``Davos always evokes provocation,'' he says.
The perfuming of Davos is raising some noses.
`Downright Bizarre'
``It's downright bizarre,'' says WEF delegate Bill Margaritis, senior vice president of investor relations at FedEx Corp. ``Traveling at great cost to the Swiss Alps to sniff perfume isn't going to play well back home. The last thing any CEO needs in the current economic environment is to be caught on camera in a ski resort snorting perfume. What is WEF doing, trying to recreate the Oracle of Delphi by releasing vapors on delegates?''
Laudamiel says his Gigabyte perfume -- ``a scent created to inspire high tech and optimism'' -- will revitalize global leaders with ``the fresh electricity of a computer store and the clean aroma of laundry.''
His Happiness fragrance will envelop Kissinger and Dimon as they direct the upper echelons of politics and finance in seminars on ``Military Power in the 21st Century'' and ``The Myths and Realities of Sovereign Wealth Funds.''
And if the electricity it takes to spray Glacier perfume, ``a tribute to the shrinking Arctic ice cap,'' and the 24 pounds of all the scents exceed the carbon-emission reduction units of the Kyoto Protocol on the environment, the forum will calculate the cost overruns and donate the money for the purchase of solar cooking stoves in Yulin, China.
`Foolish'
``I know a lot of people think this is foolish,'' says Toshiko Mori, chairwoman of Harvard University's architecture department and one of the WEF delegates who initiated the perfume project. ``But the global economy is in dire straits and we must improve the quality of human spirits. Perfuming is a powerful tool in a much broader discourse. The fragrances will help us reach economic and political solutions at Davos.''
Perfume historians say there's nothing odd about the deodorization of Davos. ``Royalty of antiquity had perfumers attached to their court, preparing state feasts and entertainments,'' anthropologist Constance Classen says in her 1994 book ``Aroma: The Cultural History of Smell.'' ``Perfume has the power to relieve anxiety, brighten dreams and heal the soul.''
The WEF's aromatherapy policy, spelled out in a working paper titled ``The World Economic Forum Meets the World of Olfaction,'' promises a series of innovative scents concocted from the same ingredients that ``embalmers have always had to gather from around the world, beyond political, cultural and racial boundaries.'' The document says the fragrances will be ``floating in the congress meeting rooms.''
`Mutqqichini'
Laudamiel's signature contribution to the forum is a perfume called Six Continents, to be released in the plenary room at the main Congress Center. ``It's fresh and icy, subtle green notes with yellow fruits drenched in watery elements,'' he says. ``Odors are the building blocks of class hierarchies and political orders.''
Looking up from a test tube in his Berlin lab and running his fingers through a short-cropped Mohawk hair-do, Laudamiel adds: ``The powerful people coming to Davos need aroma.''
As Six Continents and the other perfumes waft across the summit, delegates are supposed to ``mutqqichini,'' an ancient Incan verb used to describe people smelling something together.
Smell Test
Paola Hjelt, the WEF's global leadership fellow in charge of fragrances, says Swiss security officials nonetheless have demanded a smell test before global leaders such as former U.K. Prime Minister Tony Blair and Pakistan President Pervez Musharraf begin mutqqichining when the conference officially opens on Jan. 23.
``The security people don't need to worry'' Hjelt says. ``The point is to make a nice smell.''
Craig Binetti, president of the nutrition and health division at E.I. du Pont de Nemours & Co., isn't so certain. ``Allergic reactions would be a concern,'' Binetti says, serving caution to delegates who might find themselves being doused with the WEF's Magnolia & Sage cologne at the seminar ``If America Sneezes, Does the World Still Catch a Cold?''
Hjelt insists that allergic eruptions aren't an issue. Laudamiel agrees. ``I test all my ingredients on humans,'' he says.
Bob McKee, chief economist at the consulting firm Independent Strategy Ltd. in London, suggests that everyone in Davos should consider bringing gas masks.
Nasal Vigilance
``The global economy smells and perfume won't make it go away,'' McKee says. ``The collapse of the U.S. dollar is a great big green cabbage that has been in the fridge too long: You open the door and still don't know where the stench is coming from. Subprime and the credit crisis? How about the tang of dirty water with overtones of rotten timber scented with wood lice as it drains down a moldy sink?''
McKee says that spritzing WEF's Lavender Fields perfume on NYSE Euronext CEO Duncan Niederauer, who is hosting an afternoon- tea session on ``Regulation and Capital Market Competition,'' might be better employed at ``The Science of Love'' dinner. ``The best the WEF can hope for,'' McKee reckons, ``is a fragrance that will make everyone in Davos start loving each other again.''
Roberto Ascoli, a professional perfumer and president of the French fragrance company Symrise SA, advises nasal vigilance.
``It's yet to be proven that any perfume injected into a room can create an atmosphere for world leaders to solve problems,'' Ascoli says. ``There may be other smells that overpower the perfumes. Anybody in the Congress Center who sweats a lot will immediately destroy the aroma.''
Of course. I can't believe I didn't see it sooner. The value of the dollar sinking to all time lows, mortage defaults getting higher every day and credit card defaults starting to follow - the whole frigging financial construct teetering on the edge of total and utter catastrophe - how can we get out of this?? How can we possibly survive?? WHAT CAN SAVE US FROM COMPLETE ECONOMIC DOOM??????
Aromatherapy.
Brilliant.
Davos Aromas Deodorize Subprime Stench, Charm Dimon, Kissinger
By A. Craig Copetas
Jan. 17 (Bloomberg) -- Truth is, the global economy can sometimes stink.
So the World Economic Forum is targeting the noses of the 2,400 global leaders at the group's 38th annual meeting next week in Davos, Switzerland. Perfume-pumping machines in the main conference halls will spray eight specially created fragrances such as Artemis and Lavender Fields to relieve any unpleasant aromas that settle on delegates, who include Chevron Corp. Chief Executive Officer David O'Reilly, JPMorgan Chase & Co. CEO Jamie Dimon and former U.S. Secretary of State Henry Kissinger.
The creator of eau de Davos is Christophe Laudamiel, a French chemist who is senior perfumer at International Flavors & Fragrances Inc. The New York-based company blends aromas for fashion houses such as Polo Ralph Lauren Corp. and makes the smell that makes a new car smell like a new car.
``WEF called in August and interviewed me for three hours to make sure I wasn't a weirdo,'' says Laudamiel, who earned his chemistry degree at the University of Strasbourg and was the chief ``perfumer creator'' at Procter & Gamble Co. ``The invitation was a surprise. I'm more often asked by women what perfume they should wear to have guys jump them on the street.''
The 38-year-old aroma engineer spent the next six months in his company's labs in Berlin and Manhattan, working with 2,200 vials of potions and secretly constructing ``chords and arpeggios'' of scents to make the WEF perfumes that he says can trigger imagination without words.
The Mission
Laudamiel's mission is to create and circulate aromatic moments that evoke the intimacy of the meeting, while helping delegates solve global calamities against a backdrop of crisis. Paramount among what the WEF's 2008 program portrays as a global ``contagion'' is the fallout from lenders marking down more than $80 billion after a surge in U.S. subprime mortgage defaults.
``The aroma of subprime is an interesting concept, and that's one of the reasons I'm fragrancing the rooms,'' Laudamiel says. ``I want my perfumes to overcome the gloom.''
``It's important we leave sufficient room for the young people involved in the forum to develop seminars like this,'' says Klaus Schwab, the WEF's 69-year-old founder and chairman.
Then, with a smile on his face, Schwab says he has ``no clue'' how the perfume project came together. ``Davos always evokes provocation,'' he says.
The perfuming of Davos is raising some noses.
`Downright Bizarre'
``It's downright bizarre,'' says WEF delegate Bill Margaritis, senior vice president of investor relations at FedEx Corp. ``Traveling at great cost to the Swiss Alps to sniff perfume isn't going to play well back home. The last thing any CEO needs in the current economic environment is to be caught on camera in a ski resort snorting perfume. What is WEF doing, trying to recreate the Oracle of Delphi by releasing vapors on delegates?''
Laudamiel says his Gigabyte perfume -- ``a scent created to inspire high tech and optimism'' -- will revitalize global leaders with ``the fresh electricity of a computer store and the clean aroma of laundry.''
His Happiness fragrance will envelop Kissinger and Dimon as they direct the upper echelons of politics and finance in seminars on ``Military Power in the 21st Century'' and ``The Myths and Realities of Sovereign Wealth Funds.''
And if the electricity it takes to spray Glacier perfume, ``a tribute to the shrinking Arctic ice cap,'' and the 24 pounds of all the scents exceed the carbon-emission reduction units of the Kyoto Protocol on the environment, the forum will calculate the cost overruns and donate the money for the purchase of solar cooking stoves in Yulin, China.
`Foolish'
``I know a lot of people think this is foolish,'' says Toshiko Mori, chairwoman of Harvard University's architecture department and one of the WEF delegates who initiated the perfume project. ``But the global economy is in dire straits and we must improve the quality of human spirits. Perfuming is a powerful tool in a much broader discourse. The fragrances will help us reach economic and political solutions at Davos.''
Perfume historians say there's nothing odd about the deodorization of Davos. ``Royalty of antiquity had perfumers attached to their court, preparing state feasts and entertainments,'' anthropologist Constance Classen says in her 1994 book ``Aroma: The Cultural History of Smell.'' ``Perfume has the power to relieve anxiety, brighten dreams and heal the soul.''
The WEF's aromatherapy policy, spelled out in a working paper titled ``The World Economic Forum Meets the World of Olfaction,'' promises a series of innovative scents concocted from the same ingredients that ``embalmers have always had to gather from around the world, beyond political, cultural and racial boundaries.'' The document says the fragrances will be ``floating in the congress meeting rooms.''
`Mutqqichini'
Laudamiel's signature contribution to the forum is a perfume called Six Continents, to be released in the plenary room at the main Congress Center. ``It's fresh and icy, subtle green notes with yellow fruits drenched in watery elements,'' he says. ``Odors are the building blocks of class hierarchies and political orders.''
Looking up from a test tube in his Berlin lab and running his fingers through a short-cropped Mohawk hair-do, Laudamiel adds: ``The powerful people coming to Davos need aroma.''
As Six Continents and the other perfumes waft across the summit, delegates are supposed to ``mutqqichini,'' an ancient Incan verb used to describe people smelling something together.
Smell Test
Paola Hjelt, the WEF's global leadership fellow in charge of fragrances, says Swiss security officials nonetheless have demanded a smell test before global leaders such as former U.K. Prime Minister Tony Blair and Pakistan President Pervez Musharraf begin mutqqichining when the conference officially opens on Jan. 23.
``The security people don't need to worry'' Hjelt says. ``The point is to make a nice smell.''
Craig Binetti, president of the nutrition and health division at E.I. du Pont de Nemours & Co., isn't so certain. ``Allergic reactions would be a concern,'' Binetti says, serving caution to delegates who might find themselves being doused with the WEF's Magnolia & Sage cologne at the seminar ``If America Sneezes, Does the World Still Catch a Cold?''
Hjelt insists that allergic eruptions aren't an issue. Laudamiel agrees. ``I test all my ingredients on humans,'' he says.
Bob McKee, chief economist at the consulting firm Independent Strategy Ltd. in London, suggests that everyone in Davos should consider bringing gas masks.
Nasal Vigilance
``The global economy smells and perfume won't make it go away,'' McKee says. ``The collapse of the U.S. dollar is a great big green cabbage that has been in the fridge too long: You open the door and still don't know where the stench is coming from. Subprime and the credit crisis? How about the tang of dirty water with overtones of rotten timber scented with wood lice as it drains down a moldy sink?''
McKee says that spritzing WEF's Lavender Fields perfume on NYSE Euronext CEO Duncan Niederauer, who is hosting an afternoon- tea session on ``Regulation and Capital Market Competition,'' might be better employed at ``The Science of Love'' dinner. ``The best the WEF can hope for,'' McKee reckons, ``is a fragrance that will make everyone in Davos start loving each other again.''
Roberto Ascoli, a professional perfumer and president of the French fragrance company Symrise SA, advises nasal vigilance.
``It's yet to be proven that any perfume injected into a room can create an atmosphere for world leaders to solve problems,'' Ascoli says. ``There may be other smells that overpower the perfumes. Anybody in the Congress Center who sweats a lot will immediately destroy the aroma.''
Of course. I can't believe I didn't see it sooner. The value of the dollar sinking to all time lows, mortage defaults getting higher every day and credit card defaults starting to follow - the whole frigging financial construct teetering on the edge of total and utter catastrophe - how can we get out of this?? How can we possibly survive?? WHAT CAN SAVE US FROM COMPLETE ECONOMIC DOOM??????
Aromatherapy.
Brilliant.
Thursday, December 27, 2007
Making it Right
Brad Pitt and I are building houses.
Man, that sounds so cool. Brad Pitt and I are hanging out together, swinging hammers, putting up some houses. I'm sure Angelina would be nearby as well, so really it would be Brad and Angelina and I, hanging together, doing the whole house thing. Of course, Brad's a busy guy, so he wouldn't be around all the time, so sometimes it would just be Angelina and I, hanging out together, playing house (Debt Daddy's mind wanders off into fantasy land, yanked quickly back to reality by the realization that his wife reads this blog).
Okay, okay, I embellish. We're not reallly hanging out together, Brangelina and I - but Brad Pitt is building houses, and I'm helping him out when I can. And so can you.
Y'all know about Hurricane Katrina and the way it wrecked people's lives all up and down the Gulf Coast. What you may not realize is that, due to the truly pathetic, incompetent and greedy nature of insurance companies and all levels of the government, there are still a huge amount of people in the Gulf Coast who have not been able to rebuild their homes. I'm not here to argue about the reasons for it - I honestly don't care about any weaselly excuse for raining down more shit on these people after all they went through. All I know is that the victims of Hurricane Katrina have been through enough, and they deserve a break.
Turns out Brad Pitt agrees with me. Here's a snippet from his site - http://www.makeitrightnola.org/
In December 2006, Brad Pitt convened a group of experts in New Orleans to brainstorm about building green affordable housing on a large scale to help victims of Hurricane Katrina. Having spent time with community leaders and displaced residents determined to return home, Pitt realized that an opportunity existed to build houses that were not only stronger and healthier, but that had less impact on the environment.
Previously, Pitt sponsored an architecture competition organized by Global Green with the goal of generating ideas about how to rebuild sustainably. Several of those designs are currently under construction in the Lower 9th Ward and the project inspired him to expand his efforts.
After discussing the hurdles associated with rebuilding in a devastated area, the group determined that a large-scale redevelopment project focused on green affordable housing and incorporating innovative design was indeed possible.
The group settled on the goal of constructing 150 homes (one of the larger rebuilding projects in the city), with an emphasis on developing an affordable system that could be replicated.
To demonstrate replicability, Pitt determined to locate the project in the Lower 9th Ward, one of the most devastated areas of New Orleans, proving that safe homes could and should be rebuilt. Pitt hopes that this project would be a catalyst for recovery and redevelopment throughout the Lower 9th Ward and across the city of New Orleans.
Having listened to one former resident's plea to help "make this right," Pitt was inspired to name the project "Make It Right" (MIR).
As of this writing, 52 of the 150 proposed homes have been funded. That's pretty good, but it needs to be better. This neighborhood can be rebuilt, and the beauty of it is that it will be rebuilt as a green neighborhood, so not only will people have their homes back, but their homes will help all of us with their smaller carbon footprint. Seems only fair that, if someone's home is going to help all of us, that all of us should help get that home built, hmmm?
Debt Daddy doesn't usually ask for much - read my blog, laugh at my strange humor, comment every now and then and I'm generally a happy camper. However, in this post, I am asking - very strongly - that you donate to this project. One year after Katrina, I set up a website to raise money for Habitat for Humanity and their rebuilding efforts in the Gulf Coast. The response was underwhelming, due in part (I believe) to the fact that people thought the crisis was over down there. The flood waters had receded, people had moved out of the stadium...business as usual, right?
Wrong.
The crisis isn't over. It wasn't over a year ago, and it isn't now. And that's sad. Just a sad string of broken promises:
The government promised they would help. They didn't.
The insurance companies promised they would help. They didn't.
Now Brad Pitt has promised to help, and he's asking for help from us.
I intend to help him keep that promise. I'm gonna donate whatever I can, because I truly want to see New Orleans come back - better and stronger than ever.
I hope you'll join us. Check out the site, tell a friend, donate. Let's Make It Right.
http://www.makeitrightnola.org/
PS: I know, I know - I'm asking a bunch of debt reduction folks to give away money, and I'm sure a fair amount of people are reading this and saying, "Oh, it sounds good, but I just can't afford it right now." Well, not to get into a pissing contest or anything, but Debt Daddy is currently $673,057 in debt, and I'm kicking in. It doesn't have to be a lot. It can be five bucks. But let's all give something, okay? Thanks.
Monday, December 24, 2007
Murphy, you old So and So
If you know Dave Ramsey, you know he talks about Murphy (of the highly acclaimed Murphy's Law - "whatever can go wrong, will go wrong") and how Murphy will take up residence in your spare bedroom at the first real signs of financial progress. Well, cocky old Debt Daddy was beginning to think he was immune to Murphy's advances - that things were moving ahead so well it would be very difficult for Murph and his stinkin' law to put the brakes on. Silly Debt Daddy.
First it was the tires on my wife's van which at first glance looked fine, but upon closer inspection revealed themselves to be nearly as balding as old Debt Daddy hisself. And when do you have that "closer inspection"? Why, during a snow storm, of course! During our first real bit of snow up here my wife, try as she might, was just not able to make it all the way home from work. We live high on a hill and she was only able to make it about 2/3rds of the way up before she had to call the game due to lack of traction. As I saw her walking up the remainder of the way, I grabbed my shovel, gloves, salt and over-inflated male ego and trudged down the hill toward where she had left our stranded vehicle, grumbling to myself about what I had to assume was a certain link between estrogen and an inability to drive in slippery conditions. I would move that van, dammit. Armed with testosterone, I could not fail.
Forty five minutes later, I had moved the van - all the way across the street and ten feet further down the hill from where my wife had gotten it in the first place. It was then that I examined the tires and realized that my wife had to be a pretty spectacular driver just to make it as far as she did. I walked back up the hill, tail between my legs (there was plenty of room for a tail there, as all traces of the aforementioned testosterone had vanished or were hiding in shame) and apologized to my wife, promising to get new tires for her ride.
The tires priced out pretty well, and looked like they might only be a small hiccup in our financial plan. But of course, once the tires were off, you could see that the brakes were shot. Once the brakes were off, you could see how one of the struts was leaking. What started out as a hiccup grew into financial projectile vomiting by the time I was done there, and I returned home feeling safer on the road, but just a little financially violated.
A few days later, I was recovered and ready to face my bills again, when my wife called me to tell me about our new indoor water feature. Now, I like indoor water features. I think they're a lot of fun - soothing, feng shui-ish fountains and water walls bring out Debt Daddy's inner metrosexual, calming his troubled brain. My wife quickly brought me out of my Carradine like state of zen when she informed me that, instead of a gentle trickling of H2O over acrylic stone, what we had was a washing machine drain pipe that was backing up and sending water quickly in the wrong direction - i.e. all over the floor. Plumbers were called, and Rooter Men were recommended. Rooter Men came and plumbers were recommended. Turns out the pipe, which was thought to be clogged, was instead eaten away by the slab foundation in which it was seated. A brand new drainpipe had to be installed and other sundry plumbing issues were addressed. By the time everything was done, I think I paid for my plumbers entire Christmas shopping. Ah, the price we pay for proper drainage.
So, my wife and I have agreed - she got me new tires, brakes and struts for Christmas, and I got her a new drainpipe and the use of her washing machine back (not as romantic as the whole comb, watch fob, Magi thing I know, but it works for us). And, in a continued spirit of giving, we're giving Murphy the shaft. He trashed my guestroom, so I'm kicking him to the curb (do the kids still say that? I'm so out of touch). Let him party like a rock star in someone elses house.
First it was the tires on my wife's van which at first glance looked fine, but upon closer inspection revealed themselves to be nearly as balding as old Debt Daddy hisself. And when do you have that "closer inspection"? Why, during a snow storm, of course! During our first real bit of snow up here my wife, try as she might, was just not able to make it all the way home from work. We live high on a hill and she was only able to make it about 2/3rds of the way up before she had to call the game due to lack of traction. As I saw her walking up the remainder of the way, I grabbed my shovel, gloves, salt and over-inflated male ego and trudged down the hill toward where she had left our stranded vehicle, grumbling to myself about what I had to assume was a certain link between estrogen and an inability to drive in slippery conditions. I would move that van, dammit. Armed with testosterone, I could not fail.
Forty five minutes later, I had moved the van - all the way across the street and ten feet further down the hill from where my wife had gotten it in the first place. It was then that I examined the tires and realized that my wife had to be a pretty spectacular driver just to make it as far as she did. I walked back up the hill, tail between my legs (there was plenty of room for a tail there, as all traces of the aforementioned testosterone had vanished or were hiding in shame) and apologized to my wife, promising to get new tires for her ride.
The tires priced out pretty well, and looked like they might only be a small hiccup in our financial plan. But of course, once the tires were off, you could see that the brakes were shot. Once the brakes were off, you could see how one of the struts was leaking. What started out as a hiccup grew into financial projectile vomiting by the time I was done there, and I returned home feeling safer on the road, but just a little financially violated.
A few days later, I was recovered and ready to face my bills again, when my wife called me to tell me about our new indoor water feature. Now, I like indoor water features. I think they're a lot of fun - soothing, feng shui-ish fountains and water walls bring out Debt Daddy's inner metrosexual, calming his troubled brain. My wife quickly brought me out of my Carradine like state of zen when she informed me that, instead of a gentle trickling of H2O over acrylic stone, what we had was a washing machine drain pipe that was backing up and sending water quickly in the wrong direction - i.e. all over the floor. Plumbers were called, and Rooter Men were recommended. Rooter Men came and plumbers were recommended. Turns out the pipe, which was thought to be clogged, was instead eaten away by the slab foundation in which it was seated. A brand new drainpipe had to be installed and other sundry plumbing issues were addressed. By the time everything was done, I think I paid for my plumbers entire Christmas shopping. Ah, the price we pay for proper drainage.
So, my wife and I have agreed - she got me new tires, brakes and struts for Christmas, and I got her a new drainpipe and the use of her washing machine back (not as romantic as the whole comb, watch fob, Magi thing I know, but it works for us). And, in a continued spirit of giving, we're giving Murphy the shaft. He trashed my guestroom, so I'm kicking him to the curb (do the kids still say that? I'm so out of touch). Let him party like a rock star in someone elses house.
Wednesday, November 28, 2007
Leftovers
Okay, maybe it's the cold and the switch off of daylight savings time, maybe it's the "pre-birthday funk" I always get, maybe my brain is in some form of shock from my consumption of approximately 4.75 pies since Thanksgiving Day - whatever the case, Dear old Debt Daddy just can't wrap his brain around a well rounded, coherent blog entry at this time. My thoughts are like so many post holiday leftovers...mystery blocks of aluminum foil scattered about in the refrigerator of my mind. So, in lieu of a proper post, I offer you my Leftover Extravaganza.
Leftover #1 - Go Forth and Prosper
While Citigroup and Countrywide are floundering and their stock has been plummeting (pardon me while I step away from the keyboard to do a sadistic Happy Dance................okay, I'm back now), I got the following from Prosper.com the other day:
YOU COULDN'T HAVE DONE IT WITHOUT YOU
Prosper is pleased to announce that you have helped us reach $100MM in loans! Your involvement as a lender in the Prosper community has enabled people to start businesses, eliminate debt, improve homes, and fund educations. Thank you for helping us create opportunity for fellow Americans through the Prosper marketplace.
It works. And it works without major financial institutions, bottom feeding lobbyists, fat cat CEO's with golden parachutes - who needs all that anymore? People lending money to people - it doesn't get much better than that. My birthday is December 4th. You wanna get Debt Daddy the gift that keeps on giving? Click the link on the left for Prosper.com and fund a loan. Or borrow some funds to pay off the credit card vampires. Either way, we help each other and we help ourselves...and that gift is just what I always wanted.
Leftover#2 - I'm not buying anything from China anymore.
What the heck happened??????? When I was a kid, at least half the crap I had was "Made in China" and yet, it never killed me or put me into a coma. Now, after 40 some odd years of technological advances, they can't seem to make a toy that doesn't assault our kids. Well, this year I've decided to not reward bad behaviour. When China can figure out how to make a toy that's not quite so...hmmmm...what's the word.....HOMICIDAL, maybe I'll reconsider. For the time being however, I'm not even trusting their won tons.
Leftover #3 - Ho! Ho! Hey!!
This is ludicrous; I read a story last week that said certain department stores are asking their Santa's to say "Ha, Ha, Ha!" instead of the traditional "Ho, Ho, Ho!". The reason? They thought some of the mothers might misinterpret the meaning and take offense. I'm not kidding. The problem as I see it? Well, I (like a lot of Americans) am a little paranoid and more than a bit self conscious. You know what I'm gonna think if I walk through Macy's and Santa Claus looks at me and says "Ha, Ha, Ha"? That's right. Santa Claus is laughing...at me. "Did you hear that? I walk by and he says "HA, HA, HA" right in my face! That wasn't a warm, jolly "HO, HO, HO" - oh nooooo, that was a derisive, mocking "HA, HA, HA"! No, no, he's not gonna get away with that. Hey! Fat boy! What's so friggin' funny? (Fisticuffs ensue) Not so damn funny now, am I, ya friggin' Rent-A-Santa!! Debt Daddy winds up on the six o'clock news for assaulting Saint Nick. Nice.
Ladies, Santa Claus says "Ho, Ho, Ho" because that's what he's always said. Unless you show up to see Santa with your kid and the four guys that think they might be the father, he's not talking to you.
Leftover #4 - Sewing the Beads of Love
Speaking of kids and fathers, I came across this guy a while back and wanted to pass his name along to you. Jimmy Moore has been blogging for quite some time - one of his most read blogs is "Livin' La Vida Lo-Carb" (which is just the kind of kitchy title that makes Debt Daddy giggle). Anyway, he and his wife have been trying to have children for quite some time, but have had no luck, and are now turning to IVF (IVF = invitro fertilization, for anyone who doesn't know what the heck I'm babbling about). IVF can get pretty expensive, but have no fear! Believe it or not, Capital One now offers an "infertility loan" to finance the long (hopefully successful) road of making a baby with doctors present. So, whether or not their attempt to procreate is successful, they will still be paying back this loan with interest. Fortunately, Jimmy's wife has a sideline business that they're hoping will help to supplement some of the expenses and get this loan paid down. If you're still looking for Holiday gifts for people on your list, you might want to check out this link - http://livinlavidalocarb.blogspot.com/2007/11/join-in-on-jimmy-christines-beads-of.html - Jimmy's wife Christine makes some very pretty beaded jewelry, and purchasing some of her handiwork would not only make a lovely gift to whomever you're giving it to, but to the people you bought it from as well.
Well, that's about it. Thanks for sharing my leftovers with me - the fridge is looking pretty bare now. All that's left, hidden way back on the top shelf behind the eggs, is the very last Thanksgiving day pie.
One last pie.
It's a pumpkin pie.
And I'm not sharing it. :)
Leftover #1 - Go Forth and Prosper
While Citigroup and Countrywide are floundering and their stock has been plummeting (pardon me while I step away from the keyboard to do a sadistic Happy Dance................okay, I'm back now), I got the following from Prosper.com the other day:
YOU COULDN'T HAVE DONE IT WITHOUT YOU
Prosper is pleased to announce that you have helped us reach $100MM in loans! Your involvement as a lender in the Prosper community has enabled people to start businesses, eliminate debt, improve homes, and fund educations. Thank you for helping us create opportunity for fellow Americans through the Prosper marketplace.
It works. And it works without major financial institutions, bottom feeding lobbyists, fat cat CEO's with golden parachutes - who needs all that anymore? People lending money to people - it doesn't get much better than that. My birthday is December 4th. You wanna get Debt Daddy the gift that keeps on giving? Click the link on the left for Prosper.com and fund a loan. Or borrow some funds to pay off the credit card vampires. Either way, we help each other and we help ourselves...and that gift is just what I always wanted.
Leftover#2 - I'm not buying anything from China anymore.
What the heck happened??????? When I was a kid, at least half the crap I had was "Made in China" and yet, it never killed me or put me into a coma. Now, after 40 some odd years of technological advances, they can't seem to make a toy that doesn't assault our kids. Well, this year I've decided to not reward bad behaviour. When China can figure out how to make a toy that's not quite so...hmmmm...what's the word.....HOMICIDAL, maybe I'll reconsider. For the time being however, I'm not even trusting their won tons.
Leftover #3 - Ho! Ho! Hey!!
This is ludicrous; I read a story last week that said certain department stores are asking their Santa's to say "Ha, Ha, Ha!" instead of the traditional "Ho, Ho, Ho!". The reason? They thought some of the mothers might misinterpret the meaning and take offense. I'm not kidding. The problem as I see it? Well, I (like a lot of Americans) am a little paranoid and more than a bit self conscious. You know what I'm gonna think if I walk through Macy's and Santa Claus looks at me and says "Ha, Ha, Ha"? That's right. Santa Claus is laughing...at me. "Did you hear that? I walk by and he says "HA, HA, HA" right in my face! That wasn't a warm, jolly "HO, HO, HO" - oh nooooo, that was a derisive, mocking "HA, HA, HA"! No, no, he's not gonna get away with that. Hey! Fat boy! What's so friggin' funny? (Fisticuffs ensue) Not so damn funny now, am I, ya friggin' Rent-A-Santa!! Debt Daddy winds up on the six o'clock news for assaulting Saint Nick. Nice.
Ladies, Santa Claus says "Ho, Ho, Ho" because that's what he's always said. Unless you show up to see Santa with your kid and the four guys that think they might be the father, he's not talking to you.
Leftover #4 - Sewing the Beads of Love
Speaking of kids and fathers, I came across this guy a while back and wanted to pass his name along to you. Jimmy Moore has been blogging for quite some time - one of his most read blogs is "Livin' La Vida Lo-Carb" (which is just the kind of kitchy title that makes Debt Daddy giggle). Anyway, he and his wife have been trying to have children for quite some time, but have had no luck, and are now turning to IVF (IVF = invitro fertilization, for anyone who doesn't know what the heck I'm babbling about). IVF can get pretty expensive, but have no fear! Believe it or not, Capital One now offers an "infertility loan" to finance the long (hopefully successful) road of making a baby with doctors present. So, whether or not their attempt to procreate is successful, they will still be paying back this loan with interest. Fortunately, Jimmy's wife has a sideline business that they're hoping will help to supplement some of the expenses and get this loan paid down. If you're still looking for Holiday gifts for people on your list, you might want to check out this link - http://livinlavidalocarb.blogspot.com/2007/11/join-in-on-jimmy-christines-beads-of.html - Jimmy's wife Christine makes some very pretty beaded jewelry, and purchasing some of her handiwork would not only make a lovely gift to whomever you're giving it to, but to the people you bought it from as well.
Well, that's about it. Thanks for sharing my leftovers with me - the fridge is looking pretty bare now. All that's left, hidden way back on the top shelf behind the eggs, is the very last Thanksgiving day pie.
One last pie.
It's a pumpkin pie.
And I'm not sharing it. :)
Thursday, November 8, 2007
Debt Daddy - Pimp My Interest Rate
Hairshirts Work.
After calling to pester Bank of America two more times after my lovely conversation with Angela Angela (personal friend of Lisa Lisa and the Cult Jam), I finally made it to someone who actually tried to help me (Insert audible gasp here).
Early on in our conversation, I was not expecting much. She was, after all, telling me what all the other "B of A" people I had spoken to were telling me - that my credit report and other various unnamed factors dictate what interest rates I'm allowed to have, and the one I had (17.99%) was the best I could get at this time. However, if I continued to make on time payments for the next 6 months, I might be able to get a better rate.
That's where I finally stopped being nice and got a little testy (balancing on that fine line where you go from asking someone to do something to telling someone to do something and hoping they don't call your bluff). I explained that I had been making on time payments for the last 12 years that I've had this card, so I had already done what they were asking me to do 24 times over! That alone deserved a better rate in my opinion.
Well, she appreciated that, but said she would have to talk to her supervisor and have him call me back. Yes, I flashed back to the mysterious Mr. Misterski too (who has not called me back as of yet - insert look of utter shock here). I said that was fine. I didn't even ask her for her name - I was tired and feeling a bit dejected over the whole process. What did it matter anyway? She'd probably lie about her name like Angela Angela (who lives in New York, New York?), and I truly didn't believe that anyone was going to call me back with anything good to say.
Ah, me of little faith. She called me back herself after only about fifteen minutes to tell me that they were going to reduce my rate to 13.99%. That may not sound like much to some of you, but about 50% of my credit card debt is with B of A right now, so four percentage points lower is just fine with me.
So, after calling this company three times, talking to a total of six people and spending a little under an hour of my time, I saved several thousands of dollars in interest payments. I'd say that was time well spent.
In the midst of these B of A dealings, I also called Citibank, who was charging me 18.99% interest. Suprisingly, I only had to talk to two people there before they bumped my rate down to 10.99%. Oh, and something to keep in mind - most of the rates on credit cards, variable APR mortgages and car loans are tied to the prime rate, which has come down at least 1/2 a point in recent weeks, so in some cases, your rate comes down even if you don't ask for it.
I plugged all these rate reductions (those I negotiated and those from the prime rate reduction) into my Dave Ramsey debt software and ran the debt snowball program again. All told, over the life of my debt, I will have saved $58,129.57 in interest.
And that sure makes a pretty looking diamond on my sword. :)
After calling to pester Bank of America two more times after my lovely conversation with Angela Angela (personal friend of Lisa Lisa and the Cult Jam), I finally made it to someone who actually tried to help me (Insert audible gasp here).
Early on in our conversation, I was not expecting much. She was, after all, telling me what all the other "B of A" people I had spoken to were telling me - that my credit report and other various unnamed factors dictate what interest rates I'm allowed to have, and the one I had (17.99%) was the best I could get at this time. However, if I continued to make on time payments for the next 6 months, I might be able to get a better rate.
That's where I finally stopped being nice and got a little testy (balancing on that fine line where you go from asking someone to do something to telling someone to do something and hoping they don't call your bluff). I explained that I had been making on time payments for the last 12 years that I've had this card, so I had already done what they were asking me to do 24 times over! That alone deserved a better rate in my opinion.
Well, she appreciated that, but said she would have to talk to her supervisor and have him call me back. Yes, I flashed back to the mysterious Mr. Misterski too (who has not called me back as of yet - insert look of utter shock here). I said that was fine. I didn't even ask her for her name - I was tired and feeling a bit dejected over the whole process. What did it matter anyway? She'd probably lie about her name like Angela Angela (who lives in New York, New York?), and I truly didn't believe that anyone was going to call me back with anything good to say.
Ah, me of little faith. She called me back herself after only about fifteen minutes to tell me that they were going to reduce my rate to 13.99%. That may not sound like much to some of you, but about 50% of my credit card debt is with B of A right now, so four percentage points lower is just fine with me.
So, after calling this company three times, talking to a total of six people and spending a little under an hour of my time, I saved several thousands of dollars in interest payments. I'd say that was time well spent.
In the midst of these B of A dealings, I also called Citibank, who was charging me 18.99% interest. Suprisingly, I only had to talk to two people there before they bumped my rate down to 10.99%. Oh, and something to keep in mind - most of the rates on credit cards, variable APR mortgages and car loans are tied to the prime rate, which has come down at least 1/2 a point in recent weeks, so in some cases, your rate comes down even if you don't ask for it.
I plugged all these rate reductions (those I negotiated and those from the prime rate reduction) into my Dave Ramsey debt software and ran the debt snowball program again. All told, over the life of my debt, I will have saved $58,129.57 in interest.
And that sure makes a pretty looking diamond on my sword. :)
Sunday, November 4, 2007
Bank of America - Instant Replay
Last night, I was watching a financial program where they were talking about calling your credit cards and asking for a reduced interest rate. I've tried this many times in the past, and have usually gotten nowhere. But they had four women try, and three out of four of them actually did get their interest rate lowered, so it got my hopes up. Maybe the bank rules had changed a bit. Maybe they were easing up in light of the "hard times" that banks are having right now (brief moment of silence and reflection as I shed a single tear for the plight of the banks...right).
Anyway, I decided to call them. The following was my first call, to Bank of America, which I wrote down immediately after hanging up while it was fresh in my memory. Productive? We'll see. Humorous? I thought so - you be the judge.
My name is Angela - how may I give you excellent service today?
I'd like to get a lower interest rate and I'd like to know what I need to do to make that happen.
Well Sir, I'm looking at your account and this is the best rate we have for your account at this time.
You don't have a lower rate available for my account?
No Sir, this is the best rate for your account at this time.
I assume that other people have lower rates; what do I need to do to get a rate like theirs?
This is the best rate we have for your account at this time.
Yes, for my account - I heard you the first three times you said that. But when you say, "for my account" it leads me to believe that other cardholders may have lower interest rates, so my question to you is, what do I have to do to get their rate?
Just keep paying your bill on time, Sir.
All I have to do is pay my bill on time and I'll get a lower rate?
I can't guarantee that, Sir.
You said this was the best rate for my account; on what criteria do you base that decision?
We don't have access to that information, Sir.
Please transfer me to the department that does have that information.
We're unable to share that information with you, Sir.
Your company won't tell me how they came to the decision regarding my interest rate?
No, Sir.
So there's nothing that anyone can do?
No, Sir.
What if I just paid off this card and cancelled the account; would that be cool with you?
That would be fine, Sir.
Really?
Yes, Sir.
Let me talk to your supervisor, please.
If I can get your name and number, I'll have my supervisor call you back within 24 hours.
Okay, but first I'll need your name - who am I speaking with?
Angela.
Angela, what is your last name?
Angela.
Your name is Angela Angela?
Yes.
What call center are you located in, Angela?
Hunt Valley.
Hunt Valley where?
Hunt Valley, Maryland.
Thank you for not saying Hunt Valley, Hunt Valley Angela, because that just would've been silly. What is your supervisors name?
His....um his name.....it's.....Misss.....his name....Misterski. Mr. Misterski.
And he'll call me back within 24 hours?
Yes, Sir.
Do you think "Mr. Misterski" is gonna call me back? Yeah, I'm not holding my breath either. That's okay - I plan on calling them back on Tuesday. And two days after that. And two days after that, and on and on and on until they get so sick of hearing from me that they do reduce my rate. It's a little maneuver I like to call, "The Human Hairshirt" (hairshirt, from Wiki - a garment made of coarse cloth or animal hair. In more modern religious circles, the word has come to simply mean an object that can be worn to induce some degree of discomfort or pain.) While I'm not trying to cause anyone pain, I've found that some minor discomfort can go a long way toward getting what you want. And, for all the discomfort they've caused all of us over the years, I consider this simply returning the favor. Reciprocity. I love it.
I'll keep you posted.
Anyway, I decided to call them. The following was my first call, to Bank of America, which I wrote down immediately after hanging up while it was fresh in my memory. Productive? We'll see. Humorous? I thought so - you be the judge.
My name is Angela - how may I give you excellent service today?
I'd like to get a lower interest rate and I'd like to know what I need to do to make that happen.
Well Sir, I'm looking at your account and this is the best rate we have for your account at this time.
You don't have a lower rate available for my account?
No Sir, this is the best rate for your account at this time.
I assume that other people have lower rates; what do I need to do to get a rate like theirs?
This is the best rate we have for your account at this time.
Yes, for my account - I heard you the first three times you said that. But when you say, "for my account" it leads me to believe that other cardholders may have lower interest rates, so my question to you is, what do I have to do to get their rate?
Just keep paying your bill on time, Sir.
All I have to do is pay my bill on time and I'll get a lower rate?
I can't guarantee that, Sir.
You said this was the best rate for my account; on what criteria do you base that decision?
We don't have access to that information, Sir.
Please transfer me to the department that does have that information.
We're unable to share that information with you, Sir.
Your company won't tell me how they came to the decision regarding my interest rate?
No, Sir.
So there's nothing that anyone can do?
No, Sir.
What if I just paid off this card and cancelled the account; would that be cool with you?
That would be fine, Sir.
Really?
Yes, Sir.
Let me talk to your supervisor, please.
If I can get your name and number, I'll have my supervisor call you back within 24 hours.
Okay, but first I'll need your name - who am I speaking with?
Angela.
Angela, what is your last name?
Angela.
Your name is Angela Angela?
Yes.
What call center are you located in, Angela?
Hunt Valley.
Hunt Valley where?
Hunt Valley, Maryland.
Thank you for not saying Hunt Valley, Hunt Valley Angela, because that just would've been silly. What is your supervisors name?
His....um his name.....it's.....Misss.....his name....Misterski. Mr. Misterski.
And he'll call me back within 24 hours?
Yes, Sir.
(I gave her my name and number here)
Thank you.Do you think "Mr. Misterski" is gonna call me back? Yeah, I'm not holding my breath either. That's okay - I plan on calling them back on Tuesday. And two days after that. And two days after that, and on and on and on until they get so sick of hearing from me that they do reduce my rate. It's a little maneuver I like to call, "The Human Hairshirt" (hairshirt, from Wiki - a garment made of coarse cloth or animal hair. In more modern religious circles, the word has come to simply mean an object that can be worn to induce some degree of discomfort or pain.) While I'm not trying to cause anyone pain, I've found that some minor discomfort can go a long way toward getting what you want. And, for all the discomfort they've caused all of us over the years, I consider this simply returning the favor. Reciprocity. I love it.
I'll keep you posted.
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