Back in the Saddle Again (or...Once More, with Feeling)

"I've had it. Pressure turns coal into diamonds? Well, the self-imposed pressure that I'm feeling right now is enough to form a diamond encrusted sword with which I will slay this wretched, soul sucking beast of debt. The Dragon will Die; I'm going to kill it, I'm going to eat it's heart and I'm going to mount it's head on my freakin' wall.The beast will die completely and finally on December 31st, 2008. There - I've set the goal. Does it sounds ridiculous? Absurd? The Impossible Dream? Yeahhhhh....so what. JFK asked the scientist who would later be responsible for the space program what it would take to put a man on the moon. The scientist said, "The Will to Do It." This debt is taking away my financial future, my financial present, my social life, my time with my kids, their financial future - think about all that on a daily basis and see if you don't find the damned will to do just about anything."

Wow....I got chills just reading that, didn't you? Okay, okay - maybe it was just a bug on my neck. But in any case, the words are somewhat inspiring - at least I felt that they were when I wrote them on August 11th, 2007. Problem is, it didn't take. 12/31/08 came and went with the Debt Beast still eating comfortably, having flicked away with its yellowed scraggly claw the tiny peon frantically waving his shiny little stick in the Beast's general direction.

Said peon would, of course, be me. And, while the ideological side of me reads those words and gets re-invigorated, the jaded side of me that's drudged through the last year and a half since that was written reads it again and says..."what a yutz".

I'm no further ahead then when I started this blog, and that's depressing. So what went wrong? Well first off, I didn't work as hard or as smart as I could have or should have. So I'm changing that. I'm raising my rates on jobs so that I actually (gasp!) see a profit when all is said and done. If a client changes their minds about something, a change order will be signed and the price will increase. All jobs will be put in writing and nothing that is not on the page will be done without a change order and more money. Now, this is nothing new - contractors have been doing this for ages, but Debt Daddy has not. I made the mistake of getting too friendly with my clients as well as not valuing myself or my work as it should be valued. That ends this year. To paraphrase, "I'm good enough, I'm smart enough, and gosh darn it - people are gonna pay me for it".

What else went wrong? Underestimating my opponent. When I first got into this whole "slay the credit card beast" rigamarole, I imagined myself as Rocky in the first movie - the underdog going up against the Champ, Apollo Creed. I think I may have been able to win that one, or at least come out of it with a split decision. But debt comes in many forms, and it comes at you from several different directions at once and, before I knew it, I wasn't just fighting Apollo Creed, but Clubber Lang, Ivan Drago, and Tommy Gunn as well - and that was not a fight I was prepared for. I had prepared for a battle - I need to prepare for a war.

Another thing that sabatoged me - thinking that I could do it all on my own. Debt Daddy has always been of the mind that he didn't really need anyone else's help with anything, and admitting that he did was somehow a sign of weakness. Well, I'm trying to get over that feeling now, and make use of the resources around me. I have great friends that are offering advice and support as far as my business goes, and I'm taking it. I'm making an appointment with a financial counselor to sit down with my wife and I to examine our options (interestingly, this particular financial consulting company makes it a rule that they must speak with both spouses - not just one - to make sure that both parties are on board with debt elimination - I thought that was great); I'm even involving my wife more with my business. Turns out Debt Mommy has a gift for determining the true dollar value of my work. So far the quotes she's suggested, while being up to 30% higher than quotes I would have given, have been easily accepted by my clients, so I'm gonna keep running the jobs past her first. She's a keeper, she is.

I guess it's kind of like building a house. You can't build a house using only your hammer. You have to use many different tools, all working together to get the house built right. I'll beat this beast yet, but I can't do it overnight and I can't do it alone. It'll take time, it'll take help, it'll take perseverence and sweat, brains and guts, courage and tenacity....

It'll take every tool in the toolbox.

Weekend Update

Wassuppppp?????

I know - I ain't been around these parts in a long spell. Apologies for my absence; as most of you know, this working like a dog to support the credit card companies can take up a whole heckuvalot of your time, and after busting your ass for "THE MAN" for however many hours a day (and since I'm self employed, I guess that makes me "THE MAN" which would account for my bouts of self loathing - I can't help it - I just think my boss is a big weenie, y'know?), sometimes you just don't feel up to blogging. Sometimes the idea of trying to formulate coherent thought is simply too daunting. Sometimes you just wanna watch "Chuck" instead.

But I'm here now, so let's just move on from this point with some Updates!!


Update #1: I Grow, I Prosper

I got this e-mail from Prosper.com last week -

Prosper Filing Registration Statement; Enters Quiet Period
Prosper has started a process to register, with the appropriate securities authorities, promissory notes that may be offered and sold to lenders through our site in the future. Until we complete the registration process, we will not accept new lender registrations or allow new commitments from existing lenders. If you're an existing lender, your current lender agreements will be unaffected; your existing loans will continue to be serviced; you'll be able to track and monitor your loans; and you'll be able to withdraw funds from your Prosper account. If you're a borrower with an existing loan, you will continue with your current borrower agreement and be unaffected by the registration process. If you're a borrower seeking a loan, you will still be able to create a new loan listing, which we will endeavor to fulfill through alternative sources. As the appropriate securities authorities may consider a new loan listing to constitute the offer of a security, we are unable to post new loan listings on our site until our registration statement becomes effective. A successful registration can take several months, but we assure you we will do our best to move forward as quickly as possible. Until this process is complete, we're required to be in a quiet period and will be unable to respond to press, blogger or other inquiries about Prosper or the registration filing until it becomes effective. We apologize for any inconvenience this may cause, and want to thank you in advance for your understanding and support.

They also asked affiliates to temporarily remove any advertisements regarding Prosper from their blogs, so you won't see that ad on this site for a while. Here's hoping they get all their business wrapped up soon - Prosper's been very good to me, and I definitely want to do more investing with them.

Update #2: The Citi Never Sleeps (yeah, and neither do brain sucking zombies)

So, the other day I get a notice in the mail from Citibank (or CitiCorp or CitiGroup or whatever their frigging CitiCalling their CitiSelves this CitiDay). Anyway, the notice says that soon, they will be raising their interest rate on purchases from wherever yours might happen to be now (ours is at 6.5%) to 24.99%. Why? Just 'cause. But wait! There's another option! If you don't want your interest rate to quadruple!, you can "opt out". I wondered what opting out would entail, and called the CitiNumber to get some CitiAnswers. The CitiChick that I spoke with explained that, if you opt out, your interest rate will not increase; it will stay where it is. However, when your card expires, the account will be automatically closed. Being the suspicious DebtDaddy that I am, I said, "Ah, and then when the account closes, the balance is due in full, right? Right?" Wrong. After the card expires, you continue to make monthly payments as you normally would until the account is paid in full. So, in a nutshell; if you opt out, your interest rate doesn't go up, your account is closed which, if you're a Dave Ramseyite, you know is a good thing, and there's no other penalty. Of course, there are two caveats - the first is that most people's interest rates are variable rates that fluctuate with prime, so the rate could change - but last I checked, prime ain't going no where but down. The second thing is that your FICO score might get a little screwy at some point, since if the account is closed and you still owe money on it, then the amount of credit card debt you have might outweigh the amount of credit you have available to you, which doesn't get you high marks with FICO. But again, search Dave Ramsey's site for references to FICO, and you'll find that he doesn't really care much about that. He himself has a terrible FICO score, because that score is based on credit usage, which is a habit that the good Mr. Ramsey has kicked.

So, if you've got a CitiCard, you might want to call your own CitiChick or CitiDude and opt out yourself. Tell 'em Debt Daddy sent you. ;)

Update # 3: DebtDaddy Version 44.0

I'm old....er. Yes, reader - Debt Daddy turned 44 yesterday. The good news is I don't look a day over 50. The bad news is that I didn't get nearly enough people wishing me a happy birthday, so how about posting me some well wishes in the comments section? Or you could just send money - money works too. ;)

Thanks.

What's the Square Root of Occam's Razor?

A few days ago, the lovely and talented Debt Mommy forwarded an e-mail to me that has apparently been making "quite the stir" on the Internet as of late. You may have already seen it, but here it is again anyway -


Hi Pals,

I'm against the $85,000,000,000.00 bailout of AIG.

Instead, I'm in favor of giving $85,000,000,000 to America in a We Deserve It Dividend.

To make the math simple, let's assume there are 200,000,000 bonafide U.S. Citizens 18+. Our population is about 301,000,000 +/- counting every man, woman and child. So 200,000,000 might be a fair stab at adults 18 and up.. So divide 200 million adults 18+ into $85 billon that equals $425,000.00. My plan is to give $425,000 to every person 18+ as a We Deserve It Dividend. Of course, it would NOT be tax free. So let's assume a tax rate of 30%. Every individual 18+ has to pay $127,500.00 in taxes. That sends $25,500,000,000 right back to Uncle Sam. But it means that every adult 18+ has $297,500.00 in their pocket. A husband and wife team has $595,000.00.

What would you do with $297,500.00 to $595,000.00 in your family?

Pay off your mortgage - housing crisis solved.

Repay college loans - what a great boost to new grads

Put away money for college - it'll be there

Save in a bank - create money to loan to entrepreneurs.

Buy a new car - create jobs

Invest in the market - capital drives growth

Pay for your parent's medical insurance - health care improves

Enable Deadbeat Dads to come clean - or else

Remember this is for every adult U S Citizen 18+ including the folks who lost their jobs at Lehman Brothers and every other company that is cutting back. And, of course, for those serving in our Armed Forces. If we're going to re-distribute wealth let's really do it...instead of trickling out a puny $1000.00 ("vote buy") economic incentive that is being proposed by one of our candidates for President. If we're going to do an $85 billion bailout, let's bail out every adult U S Citizen 18+! As for AIG - liquidate it. Sell off its parts. Let American General go back to being American General. Sell off the real estate. Let the private sector bargain hunters cut it up and clean it up.

Here's my rationale. We deserve it and AIG doesn't. Sure it's a crazy idea that can "never work." But can you imagine the Coast-To-Coast Block Party! How do you spell Economic Boom? I trust my fellow adult Americans to know how to use the $85 Billion We Deserve It Dividend more than do the geniuses at A IG or in Washington DC. And remember, The Birk plan only really costs $59.5 Billion because $25.5 Billion is returned instantly in taxes to Uncle Sam.

Ahhh...I feel so much better getting that off my chest.


Now, how did you feel reading that? I know when I read it, it definitely struck a chord (actually, several chords - I think they were the opening guitar chords to the U2 hit, "Desire", but I digress.) Who gets the money?? Yeah, that's right, Wall Street losers - WE get the money! Inspired! Brilliant! Fantastic!!

And, unfortunately - Wrong.

If you do the math correctly, as I'm sure some of you already have (I can see Figaro Jones with his calculator right now), you will find that 85 billion divided by 200 million equals $425, not the $425,000 that got the Debt Daddy all hot and bothered. So, the big windfall that the author of this post supposed just won't be blowing our way. The math was flawed; the plan won't work.

And yet, you just have to stop and wonder for a minute - was it really such a crazy idea? Trickle down economics just doesn't seem to be effective, because money, like water, will only trickle down if you allow it to. Those at the top have gone out of their way to ensure that most of the leaks in their giant money cistern have been properly patched and caulked, so very little money is actually trickling anywhere. Why not trickle Up economics instead? It's not my idea - google it and you'll find many proponents of the theory. Give money to those that need it and guess what? They spend it. Give money to those that don't need it and guess what? They don't spend it. Not in the percentages that we need them to anyway.

Now, there are those that say that trickle up economics is just a bunch of socialist hooey - a hand out to people that don't deserve it and they don't want to see their hard earned tax dollars going to support a bunch of bums and lowlifes that are probably going to blow that money like they've blown any money they've ever had previously.

Funny - those are my exact feelings about giving $700 Billion to Wall Street. I guess it's all about perspective. I'm a contractor. Many times, I'm called in to fix a mess made by someone else, so the last thing I'm going to do is repeat past mistakes. For the homeowner, that would be throwing good money after bad, as the government is about to do with the $700 billion welfare check. No; as a contractor, I look for the easiest solution that is also the most effective, which brings us to Mr. Occam (who was not, to my knowledge, a contractor, but I like the way he thinks anyway).

Occam's Razor is a theory that says essentially, "All other things being equal, the simplest solution is the best." I can think of no better simple solution to our current financial woes than simply giving US more money to spend. And here; I'll make it even simpler -


For one year, anyone making less than $150,000 a year doesn't have to pay taxes. No state, local, federal, sales, property, school, capital gains, sin or death tax for 365 days.

Crazy? Yeah, sure it is. What's not crazy at the moment? $700 billion to buy us more of the same, industrial chemicals in Chinese milk, Sarah Palin a potential heartbeat from the presidency - Hell, Crazy is the word of the day around here lately.

So Barney, Nancy, Benny, Henry - Think about my bailout plan, wouldja? I know it wouldn't solve everything, but it would sure make a lot of us a lot happier.

Later.

Cutting Through the Crap

Okay, this post has nothing to do with personal finance - Debt Daddy is going radically off topic (so what else is new).

Let me say this - I never wanted to make this a political blog. That was never my intent and I try to make a decent attempt to keep my own political leanings out of the discussion (all references to Captain Veto aside and hey - you gotta admit - he's kinda earned that title).

But today I stumbled across an entry by David Knowles over at Political Machine with this wonderful video attached, and I had to share it.

Now, this is not an attempt to get you to vote one way or another. You vote for your guy, I'll vote for mine, and let's hope that whichever guy ends up in the Big Chair doesn't mess things up more than they already are.

But I want the race to be worth something; to be about something. If you came to fight, then fight fair. Sucker punches and swiftboating are for snivelling sissies, and I'd like to believe that both candidates are above that. We actually have two very intelligent adults running for office at the moment, and if they can manage to block out the voices of asinine advisers and pusillanimous pundits and speak their own truth with their own voice, we could have one helluva horse race here. So let's cut out the bullshit right now and get to it.

Check it:

Obama: 'Whitey' Video Rumor is Crap

You may have seen the link floating around in our comment section. It leads you to one of many a breathless story, or perhaps a Fox News video clip, where the urgent topic is when we'll be seeing the YouTube file showing Michelle Obama on-stage with Louis Farrakhan lambasting Caucasian America with the term "whitey."

The story goes that tape has been kept under wraps, out of view, for use as the ultimate October surprise, sure to kill Barack's chances faster than Hillary Clinton can say "I told you so." The problem? As with so many slurs against Obama, there's no there there. There is no tape. From Politico:


Sen. Barack Obama on Thursday batted down rumors circulating on the Internet and mentioned on some cable news shows of the existence of a video of his wife using a derogatory term for white people, and criticized a reporter for asking him about the rumor, which has not a shred of evidence to support it.

"We have seen this before. There is dirt and lies that are circulated in e-mails and they pump them out long enough until finally you, a mainstream reporter, asks me about it," Obama said to the McClatchy reporter during a press conference aboard his campaign plane. "That gives legs to the story. If somebody has evidence that myself or Michelle or anybody has said something inappropriate, let them do it."


For the full history of this latest smear, started by a blogger named Larry Johnson, you can go to David Weigel's piece here. Unfortunately, this is part of Obama's task in this election. Calmly shoot down each scurrilous rumor one at a time. Here's a handy comeback that you might e-mail to help address a few of the other misconceptions and slander still floating around:

Sweat the Small Stuff

For want of a nail the shoe was lost.

For want of a shoe the horse was lost,

For want of a horse the rider was lost.

For want of a rider the battle was lost.

For want of a battle the kingdom was lost.

And all for the want of a horseshoe nail.

The first time I saw this, it was on a poster where I worked one of my first jobs. I was much younger then; not yet the tattered, grizzled Debt Daddy you see before you now (oh, that's right - you can't see me - well, be thankful for that. There are days where I look like the love child of Jerry Seinfeld and Tommy Lee Jones - and this is definitely one of those days - heavy on the Tommy).

Turns out the verse started it's existence as a nursery rhyme, and was later used by Ben Franklin in his "Poor Richard's Almanac" series. I always liked it. Kinda makes me feel like every bit of a thing is important, like little things mean a lot, like God is in the details, like a person's a person no matter how small - oh crap - I've fallen into a platitude loop and I can't get out. Gotta clear my mind - quick - what would Captain Veto say?

"Uhhhhhh........"

Okay, I'm better now. Whew, that was close. Ya just gotta love that Captain Veto - someone once told him to clear his mind and he never bothered to fill it back up again. He's a fine example of the power of vacuous thinking.

But I digress. Silliness aside, all of the above mentioned sayings are basically true. That's why, when I hear phrases like "acceptable losses" said with about as much emotion as one might use to pass gas, it just gets my panties in a bunge. Acceptable to whom? Eminent Domain laws can take a person's property and build a freeway where it once stood. Entire forests can be mowed down in order to erect yet another unnecessary McMansion development. Thousands of people can be laid off without a moments notice to strengthen a corporate bottom line. And of course, countless lives, both military and civilian are destroyed when countries go to war.

To some, these are "Acceptable Losses". These losses serve the "Greater Good". That's what we always hear - and back in the day when "greater good" meant the good of the country or the world as a whole, I could begrudgingly accept that losses would occur and that maybe the ends justify the means. But I think the powers that be have decided that "The Greater Good" now means quite a different thing. I imagine that the top politicians and corporate heads of business see themselves as the Greater Good, simply because, in their estimation, they are greater than everyone else (and gooder too, Captain Veto might say). And, if that's the mindset, then everyone and everything else becomes expendable.

In my opinion, that's the reason for this whole financial, environmental and geopolitical shit storm we're in right now. Just a bunch of greedy dudes getting greedier. They just don't care. People starving, people dying for oil, people losing their homes - hey that's cool - just make sure my seven figure bonus check is in my mailbox, k? Un Frigging believable.

Yeah, in case you hadn't already figured it out, Debt Daddy is a liberal. I hope that doesn't bother anyone. If it does, well, I really don't care. Those powers that be have tried to turn liberal into a nasty word - something to be embarrassed about. Should I feel that way? Let's ask Webster.

Liberal - defined by Webster as generous and broad minded. Liberals, as one would imagine, practice liberalism which is defined as believing in progress, the essential goodness of the human race, the autonomy of the individual and standing for the protection of political and civil liberties.

So, should I be embarrassed by that? Nah...by that definition, Jesus was a liberal. So was Gandhi. Hell, by that definition, Superman was a liberal. I'm in some pretty cool company.

In the coming months, you're gonna hear a lot of folks trying to use the word "liberal" as a derogatory term. When they do, I hope you'll think back on this post and take what they're saying with a grain of salt.

Whether they like it or not, we're all in this together. The shoe, the horse, the rider, the battle, even the kingdom ain't worth a hill of beans without that nail.

And the term "Acceptable Losses"? Well, that's just Unacceptable.

Peace.

You Wanna Do WHAT??

I've gone off the deep end.

I want to open a restaurant.

I know, I know.....Debt Daddy is insanity personified. He's already got so much work going on that there needs to be a scheduled appointment for sleep, absolutely NO working capital to speak of, and he's talking about going into a business with a fairly abysmal success rate. Yes, in this venture, the odds are stacked squarely against our hero.

Given my history, that seems to be exactly the way I like them.

So, what do I have? Grand Illusions (or is it delusions? Right either way, I guess). I have a vision, building in the back of my brain, of not just a restaurant, but more of a theatrical experience...with food.

The food in question is what can only be described as "comfort food". However, that means different things to different people. So, I ask you - what's your favorite comfort food? What's that special something you like to eat that makes you feel all warm and cozy and makes a crappy day seem not so crappy?

Please, please respond to this question. There are no wrong answers, there will not be a quiz, you can even post anonymously if you like. However, if you do include your name, and the food you mention makes it onto the menu, there's a good chance we'll name that dish after you. So quick! Comment now! Immortality on a menu might be only a few short keystrokes away!

Do you know about Tyler Durden?

NOTE: This post deals with the movie "Fight Club". If you have not seen this movie, please see it. Debt Daddy gives it two enthusiastic thumbs up. If, like a friend of mine, you didn't see this film because you don't like movies about fighting, let me fill you in - Fight Club is about a whole lot more than fighting. In fact, IMHO, fighting is probably the least important part of the flick.


"Do you know about Tyler Durden?"

Meat Loaf says this line to Edward Norton in the movie, "Fight Club". Tyler Durden, played by Brad Pitt (Brad Pitt, organizer of the Make it Right foundation, rebuilding the lower 9th ward in New Orleans - http://www.makeitrightnola.org/ - please donate), is a larger than life, in your face character who takes the rules and constructs of society and turns them upside down to suit his needs and desires. It is Tyler Durden who, with the help of Edward Norton's character, starts Fight Club and, throughout the film, brings a large network of people around to his way of thinking. He does this by yanking them out of their comfort zone, shaking them out of their complacency and making them realize that you are not defined by your job, or your condo, or your IKEA living room set.

Tyler Durden recreates the world in his own image. When Debt Daddy grows up, he wants to be Tyler Durden.

When I first considered blogging about "Fight Club", my emphasis was going to be on how Tyler and his group dealt with the outside world. One of the best lines in the movie is where Tyler says to the Police Commissioner (who is at that moment, being held down on a bathroom floor with a knife pressed up against his family jewels - always a motivation to listen), "Look, the people you are after are the people you depend on. We cook your meals, we haul your trash, we connect your calls, we drive your ambulances. We guard you while you sleep.

Do not... fuck with us."

To me, that pretty much sums up the current financial situation in our country. The Richies keep going after the Average Joe, taking his money, outsourcing his job to India, foreclosing on his house - all the while blind to the fact that Joe and the rest of the Average world keep the trains running on time. Now, with the housing market, GDP and consumer confidence in a tailspin, I think they might finally be starting to realize that yes - if you push us too far, it will cause those on the top to suffer as well. Indeed, best not to "fuck with us".

So, that was going to be the gist of this entry. But then I started thinking about Tyler Durden himself. Throughout this film, Tyler challenges our basic assumptions about our daily lives and the world in which we live. Not simply, "Are we winning in the game of Life?" which we regularly ask ourselves, but instead, "What does winning this particular game mean? Who made up the rules to this game? Why do we follow them? Is this really the game we want to be playing, in the way we're playing it?"

Tyler says, "The things you own end up owning you." If you're still paying 19% interest on that solar powered hot dog rotisserie and bun warmer that you just had to have, you know this is true.

Tyler says, "Reject the basic assumptions of civilization, especially the importance of material possessions." Why? See the above quote.

Tyler says, "You have to know the answer to this question! If you died right now, how would you feel about your life?" Socrates once said, "the unexamined life is not worth living", yet most of us think of this self examination in much the same way that we might think about a colonoscopy - a big pain in the ass is the main thought. But, like a colonoscopy, we're also secretly afraid of what we might find. Fear aside, it's worth thinking about.

And here's a quote attributed to Tyler that I honestly don't remember ever hearing in the movie, but it spoke to me:

"Warning: If you are reading this then this warning is for you. Every word you read of this useless fine print is another second off your life. Don't you have other things to do? Is your life so empty that you honestly can't think of a better way to spend these moments? Or are you so impressed with authority that you give respect and credence to all that claim it? Do you read everything you're supposed to read? Do you think every thing you're supposed to think? Buy what you're told to want? Get out of your apartment. Meet a member of the opposite sex. Stop the excessive shopping and masturbation. Quit your job. Start a fight. Prove you're alive. If you don't claim your humanity you will become a statistic. You have been warned- Tyler. "

Do you know about Tyler Durden?

Making a Living

Yesterday I was loading up my tools after a job and talking with the client. She had spent many years of her life as an opera singer and, as I enjoy singing too, we chat about it often. She asked how my singing was going and I sighed, "Good enough when I actually have the time to do it". She said, "That's the problem with making a living - it leaves very little time for actually living". Lately, I couldn't agree with her more.

I know that we're making progress on the whole debt free triathalon, but it's such incredibly slow progress and it really starts to wear on me sometimes. I've been working more, seeing my family less, and my body seems to be in a constant state of "Ouch". Not that I should complain - my old keggling buddy, Figaro Jones (by far, the coolest alias I've come up with so far - hope you like it, dude) has a job that takes him away from home for about three weeks out of every month and that just sucks to the ninth power. Still, he manages to make it work. Now, logic should dictate that I appreciate my current situation in comparison to Figaro's - I mean sure, my debt's bigger than his (I don't actually know the total household debt load of the Jones home, but I feel pretty confident in saying that I got the biggest damn debt in town - and that is why I am the Debt Daddy, aight? I know - I actually sound proud of my debt - how frigging ridiculous is that? Still, I'm a guy, and guys always want to have the biggest Something - well, this is my "big thing" and I'm running with it.), but at least I get to see my family every night, even if they are asleep when I finally wander in the door. Even so, it can sometimes seem like there's just no end in sight - no end to the debt, no end to the work, no end to the highways travelled in the pursuit of those ends.


One of the more frustrating aspects of driving down that debt reduction superhighway is seeing all the pretty sights along the way and not being able to stop and enjoy them. Sometimes I feel like that kid in the back seat on that dreadfully long cross country drive, pointing out the window every now and then and shouting, "Look Dad! There's Disneyworld! Look Dad! There's FrontierLand! Look Dad! The Circus! CAN WE STOP?? PLEASE?????" Well, you know Dad's answer - "No can do, son - we've got to keep to this road if we're ever gonna make it to where we're going on time". And that's how it feels now with this dreadfully long debt reduction journey - "Look Debt Daddy! That low paying non-union musical you want to perform in! Look Debt Daddy! That beachfront house you want to rent for a weeks vacation! Look Debt Daddy! That day off you want to take and just do nothing!" Debt Daddy grumbles from the front seat; Yeah, yeah kid - I hear ya, but we gotta stay on this road. Tell ya what - at the next rest stop, you can get yourself a happy meal and I'll scrape the bugs off the windshield - that's almost as good as that beach house, right?

Yeah, sure Debt Daddy- and store brand cookies are just as good as the brand name variety. Still, I get the point. If you stop at every attraction along the way, you'll never get to your destination. So, we make due with the occasional rest stop happy meal - you can't do the full scale musical, but you can do the one night staged reading instead. You can't do the beach house, but maybe you can build a treehouse for your kids so they have something fun. Meanwhile, you keep that rubber to the road and try to make sure that crazy car doesn't start going in reverse, rolling back down that hill into debt Hell.

Anyway, it's time for me to get back on that road. I'm sure I'll see you there. Remember to keep that windshield clean, and enjoy those happy meals when they come your way.

The Misery Business

A few weeks ago, I was having lunch with my friend Miffy (not his real name, of course - but if you knew him, you'd realize how fitting a name it is), and I was kvetching (from the Yiddish - to complain, to bitch, to moan) about a client and how they were making me nuts. He said, "Well, if misery loves company..." and I stopped him. I said, "No - I don't know who came up with that, but misery does not love company. What does that mean, anyway? If I have a mysterious toe fungus, I would love for you to have a mysterious toe fungus as well? No; misery should not love or even want company unless misery is just a sadistic old so and so."

Upon reflection, I realize that I may have been mistaken.

Misery does love company, but not just any company. It has to be the right company. If I'm getting hit over the head with a hammer, and I'm really not enjoying that very much, would I want my brother, or my wife, or even Miffy to get hit over the head with a hammer as well? Of course not - I don't want them to suffer and it would do me no good anyway. They are the wrong company. However, if the fella smacking my noggin with that mallet were to feel the hammer from my perspective - perhaps if, for every time he hit my head, he had to hit his own head as well with equal force, well then - that is company that I would love. No, not simply love - adore. Because maybe, just maybe, if Crazy Head Hammer Guy feels - actually feels - how much I'm hurting, and it hurts him that much as well - perhaps he will stop the hammering. Maybe he'll turn over a new leaf and become Really Remorseful Aspirin Dispensing Guy instead.

Which brings us to the latest financial markets.

Our beloved Fed Chairman, Ben Bernanke (Bernanke....the most beautiful sound I ever heard...) has been of late the wholesale distributor of aspirin to us in the form of interest rate cuts. Heck, the other day, he was just plain giving it away with a 3/4 point cut in the overnight lending rate. They haven't done something like that in decades. So why now? We've been dealing with financial hardship for quite awhile; why are they acting so aggressively now? Because the folks at the top - the Masters of the Universe - the nasty guys swinging the hammers and trying to knock every last penny out of us - well, they're finally starting to feel the pain as well...and it's about time.

The powers that be are starting to feel what we've been feeling for quite awhile and - surprise, surprise - they don't like it. So here comes dear Mr. Bernanke (They call the wind Bernanke...) with rate cuts and Treasury Secretary Henry Paulson (a far less musical name, unlike Bernanke - Bernanke! Bernanke! One helluva guy!) with the President's great and powerful stimulus package. Ooooooh! Ahhhhhhh! Great and powerful stimulus package!

Yeah - 300 to 600 bucks a piece. You'll get your check in May. And they want us to spend it as fast as humanly possible. With that, and of course some big business tax credits, this package will make everything all better again. Debt Daddy's reaction to this package? Well, in cyber terms, I am ROFLMAOPMPBAGFLSHDGIMNMA! (translated - Rolling On the Floor Laughing My Ass Off, Pissing My Pants,Busting A Gut From Laughing So Hard, Dear God, I May Need Medical Attention). It's ridiculous. It's ludicrous. And it's a prime example of how much Rich America is out of touch with the rest of us. The total rebate for my household will be $1,800, which is a little less than half my monthly mortgage payments. In their scenario, I'm like a crack addict in need of a retail fix and I won't even wait for the check to clear before I run down to the mall and pick up a new flat screen tv, or a new set of 14 carat gold toe rings, or that snazzy cappuccino/espresso/ravioli maker I've had my eye on - it really doesn't matter. In their scenario, I simply can't be rational with money, and will spend it on pretty much anything in order to get that retail rush. Corporate profits will rise, the GDP will appear solvent, and confidence will return to the markets. Blind consumerism will have once again rescued Corporate America and her bloodsucking CEO's, and all will be right with the world. Their world, anyway.

Of course, in my scenario, that's not gonna happen. That money will go where pretty much all my money goes - paying down the debt. I'm hoping that the large majority of Americans do the same. I'm hoping that this stimulus package does absolutely nothing to stimulate the economy because, if it does help, then the country will go back to business as usual, and that's simply unacceptable. Call me un-American if you will, but I've been enjoying the last few months. I enjoy hearing that Bernanke (he's Bernanke...boys, he'll make you happy...yeah, yeah, yeah) has dropped interest rates again....and again....and again. I giggle when I hear mildly panicked radio announcers asking financial experts the same question over and over an over again - "Are we heading for a recession??" - as if we weren't already in one. You and I and most of America - we've been doing the recession mambo for quite awhile - but now these guys are finally starting to hear the music.

Well, welcome to the financial whack-a-mole machine, fellas! How's that hammer feel?

This whole thing is gonna get worse before it gets better. But, ironically enough, worse for them is better for us. If we take that rebate and pay down our debts instead of spending it, they may give us more rebates to "jump-start the economy". If the Richies continue to be scared and run to Bernanke (Beeeeeeeeen - Bernanke when the wind comes sweeping down the plain!) to save them, he'll lower rates again...and again...and again.

And so it goes. It's no day at the beach, but hey - at least now we've got company.

Cents, Scents and Nonsense

You just can't make this stuff up. Well, I guess you could, but why the hell would you even want to?? I heard about this on Bloomberg Radio (a financial radio station) today and could not believe my frigging ears. Check out this article -


Davos Aromas Deodorize Subprime Stench, Charm Dimon, Kissinger
By A. Craig Copetas

Jan. 17 (Bloomberg) -- Truth is, the global economy can sometimes stink.
So the World Economic Forum is targeting the noses of the 2,400 global leaders at the group's 38th annual meeting next week in Davos, Switzerland. Perfume-pumping machines in the main conference halls will spray eight specially created fragrances such as Artemis and Lavender Fields to relieve any unpleasant aromas that settle on delegates, who include Chevron Corp. Chief Executive Officer David O'Reilly, JPMorgan Chase & Co. CEO Jamie Dimon and former U.S. Secretary of State Henry Kissinger.
The creator of eau de Davos is Christophe Laudamiel, a French chemist who is senior perfumer at International Flavors & Fragrances Inc. The New York-based company blends aromas for fashion houses such as Polo Ralph Lauren Corp. and makes the smell that makes a new car smell like a new car.
``WEF called in August and interviewed me for three hours to make sure I wasn't a weirdo,'' says Laudamiel, who earned his chemistry degree at the University of Strasbourg and was the chief ``perfumer creator'' at Procter & Gamble Co. ``The invitation was a surprise. I'm more often asked by women what perfume they should wear to have guys jump them on the street.''
The 38-year-old aroma engineer spent the next six months in his company's labs in Berlin and Manhattan, working with 2,200 vials of potions and secretly constructing ``chords and arpeggios'' of scents to make the WEF perfumes that he says can trigger imagination without words.
The Mission
Laudamiel's mission is to create and circulate aromatic moments that evoke the intimacy of the meeting, while helping delegates solve global calamities against a backdrop of crisis. Paramount among what the WEF's 2008 program portrays as a global ``contagion'' is the fallout from lenders marking down more than $80 billion after a surge in U.S. subprime mortgage defaults.
``The aroma of subprime is an interesting concept, and that's one of the reasons I'm fragrancing the rooms,'' Laudamiel says. ``I want my perfumes to overcome the gloom.''
``It's important we leave sufficient room for the young people involved in the forum to develop seminars like this,'' says Klaus Schwab, the WEF's 69-year-old founder and chairman.
Then, with a smile on his face, Schwab says he has ``no clue'' how the perfume project came together. ``Davos always evokes provocation,'' he says.
The perfuming of Davos is raising some noses.
`Downright Bizarre'
``It's downright bizarre,'' says WEF delegate Bill Margaritis, senior vice president of investor relations at FedEx Corp. ``Traveling at great cost to the Swiss Alps to sniff perfume isn't going to play well back home. The last thing any CEO needs in the current economic environment is to be caught on camera in a ski resort snorting perfume. What is WEF doing, trying to recreate the Oracle of Delphi by releasing vapors on delegates?''
Laudamiel says his Gigabyte perfume -- ``a scent created to inspire high tech and optimism'' -- will revitalize global leaders with ``the fresh electricity of a computer store and the clean aroma of laundry.''
His Happiness fragrance will envelop Kissinger and Dimon as they direct the upper echelons of politics and finance in seminars on ``Military Power in the 21st Century'' and ``The Myths and Realities of Sovereign Wealth Funds.''
And if the electricity it takes to spray Glacier perfume, ``a tribute to the shrinking Arctic ice cap,'' and the 24 pounds of all the scents exceed the carbon-emission reduction units of the Kyoto Protocol on the environment, the forum will calculate the cost overruns and donate the money for the purchase of solar cooking stoves in Yulin, China.
`Foolish'
``I know a lot of people think this is foolish,'' says Toshiko Mori, chairwoman of Harvard University's architecture department and one of the WEF delegates who initiated the perfume project. ``But the global economy is in dire straits and we must improve the quality of human spirits. Perfuming is a powerful tool in a much broader discourse. The fragrances will help us reach economic and political solutions at Davos.''
Perfume historians say there's nothing odd about the deodorization of Davos. ``Royalty of antiquity had perfumers attached to their court, preparing state feasts and entertainments,'' anthropologist Constance Classen says in her 1994 book ``Aroma: The Cultural History of Smell.'' ``Perfume has the power to relieve anxiety, brighten dreams and heal the soul.''
The WEF's aromatherapy policy, spelled out in a working paper titled ``The World Economic Forum Meets the World of Olfaction,'' promises a series of innovative scents concocted from the same ingredients that ``embalmers have always had to gather from around the world, beyond political, cultural and racial boundaries.'' The document says the fragrances will be ``floating in the congress meeting rooms.''
`Mutqqichini'
Laudamiel's signature contribution to the forum is a perfume called Six Continents, to be released in the plenary room at the main Congress Center. ``It's fresh and icy, subtle green notes with yellow fruits drenched in watery elements,'' he says. ``Odors are the building blocks of class hierarchies and political orders.''
Looking up from a test tube in his Berlin lab and running his fingers through a short-cropped Mohawk hair-do, Laudamiel adds: ``The powerful people coming to Davos need aroma.''
As Six Continents and the other perfumes waft across the summit, delegates are supposed to ``mutqqichini,'' an ancient Incan verb used to describe people smelling something together.
Smell Test
Paola Hjelt, the WEF's global leadership fellow in charge of fragrances, says Swiss security officials nonetheless have demanded a smell test before global leaders such as former U.K. Prime Minister Tony Blair and Pakistan President Pervez Musharraf begin mutqqichining when the conference officially opens on Jan. 23.
``The security people don't need to worry'' Hjelt says. ``The point is to make a nice smell.''
Craig Binetti, president of the nutrition and health division at E.I. du Pont de Nemours & Co., isn't so certain. ``Allergic reactions would be a concern,'' Binetti says, serving caution to delegates who might find themselves being doused with the WEF's Magnolia & Sage cologne at the seminar ``If America Sneezes, Does the World Still Catch a Cold?''
Hjelt insists that allergic eruptions aren't an issue. Laudamiel agrees. ``I test all my ingredients on humans,'' he says.
Bob McKee, chief economist at the consulting firm Independent Strategy Ltd. in London, suggests that everyone in Davos should consider bringing gas masks.
Nasal Vigilance
``The global economy smells and perfume won't make it go away,'' McKee says. ``The collapse of the U.S. dollar is a great big green cabbage that has been in the fridge too long: You open the door and still don't know where the stench is coming from. Subprime and the credit crisis? How about the tang of dirty water with overtones of rotten timber scented with wood lice as it drains down a moldy sink?''
McKee says that spritzing WEF's Lavender Fields perfume on NYSE Euronext CEO Duncan Niederauer, who is hosting an afternoon- tea session on ``Regulation and Capital Market Competition,'' might be better employed at ``The Science of Love'' dinner. ``The best the WEF can hope for,'' McKee reckons, ``is a fragrance that will make everyone in Davos start loving each other again.''
Roberto Ascoli, a professional perfumer and president of the French fragrance company Symrise SA, advises nasal vigilance.
``It's yet to be proven that any perfume injected into a room can create an atmosphere for world leaders to solve problems,'' Ascoli says. ``There may be other smells that overpower the perfumes. Anybody in the Congress Center who sweats a lot will immediately destroy the aroma.''

Of course. I can't believe I didn't see it sooner. The value of the dollar sinking to all time lows, mortage defaults getting higher every day and credit card defaults starting to follow - the whole frigging financial construct teetering on the edge of total and utter catastrophe - how can we get out of this?? How can we possibly survive?? WHAT CAN SAVE US FROM COMPLETE ECONOMIC DOOM??????

Aromatherapy.

Brilliant.

Murphy, you old So and So

If you know Dave Ramsey, you know he talks about Murphy (of the highly acclaimed Murphy's Law - "whatever can go wrong, will go wrong") and how Murphy will take up residence in your spare bedroom at the first real signs of financial progress. Well, cocky old Debt Daddy was beginning to think he was immune to Murphy's advances - that things were moving ahead so well it would be very difficult for Murph and his stinkin' law to put the brakes on. Silly Debt Daddy.

First it was the tires on my wife's van which at first glance looked fine, but upon closer inspection revealed themselves to be nearly as balding as old Debt Daddy hisself. And when do you have that "closer inspection"? Why, during a snow storm, of course! During our first real bit of snow up here my wife, try as she might, was just not able to make it all the way home from work. We live high on a hill and she was only able to make it about 2/3rds of the way up before she had to call the game due to lack of traction. As I saw her walking up the remainder of the way, I grabbed my shovel, gloves, salt and over-inflated male ego and trudged down the hill toward where she had left our stranded vehicle, grumbling to myself about what I had to assume was a certain link between estrogen and an inability to drive in slippery conditions. I would move that van, dammit. Armed with testosterone, I could not fail.

Forty five minutes later, I had moved the van - all the way across the street and ten feet further down the hill from where my wife had gotten it in the first place. It was then that I examined the tires and realized that my wife had to be a pretty spectacular driver just to make it as far as she did. I walked back up the hill, tail between my legs (there was plenty of room for a tail there, as all traces of the aforementioned testosterone had vanished or were hiding in shame) and apologized to my wife, promising to get new tires for her ride.

The tires priced out pretty well, and looked like they might only be a small hiccup in our financial plan. But of course, once the tires were off, you could see that the brakes were shot. Once the brakes were off, you could see how one of the struts was leaking. What started out as a hiccup grew into financial projectile vomiting by the time I was done there, and I returned home feeling safer on the road, but just a little financially violated.

A few days later, I was recovered and ready to face my bills again, when my wife called me to tell me about our new indoor water feature. Now, I like indoor water features. I think they're a lot of fun - soothing, feng shui-ish fountains and water walls bring out Debt Daddy's inner metrosexual, calming his troubled brain. My wife quickly brought me out of my Carradine like state of zen when she informed me that, instead of a gentle trickling of H2O over acrylic stone, what we had was a washing machine drain pipe that was backing up and sending water quickly in the wrong direction - i.e. all over the floor. Plumbers were called, and Rooter Men were recommended. Rooter Men came and plumbers were recommended. Turns out the pipe, which was thought to be clogged, was instead eaten away by the slab foundation in which it was seated. A brand new drainpipe had to be installed and other sundry plumbing issues were addressed. By the time everything was done, I think I paid for my plumbers entire Christmas shopping. Ah, the price we pay for proper drainage.

So, my wife and I have agreed - she got me new tires, brakes and struts for Christmas, and I got her a new drainpipe and the use of her washing machine back (not as romantic as the whole comb, watch fob, Magi thing I know, but it works for us). And, in a continued spirit of giving, we're giving Murphy the shaft. He trashed my guestroom, so I'm kicking him to the curb (do the kids still say that? I'm so out of touch). Let him party like a rock star in someone elses house.

Debt Daddy - Pimp My Interest Rate

Hairshirts Work.

After calling to pester Bank of America two more times after my lovely conversation with Angela Angela (personal friend of Lisa Lisa and the Cult Jam), I finally made it to someone who actually tried to help me (Insert audible gasp here).

Early on in our conversation, I was not expecting much. She was, after all, telling me what all the other "B of A" people I had spoken to were telling me - that my credit report and other various unnamed factors dictate what interest rates I'm allowed to have, and the one I had (17.99%) was the best I could get at this time. However, if I continued to make on time payments for the next 6 months, I might be able to get a better rate.

That's where I finally stopped being nice and got a little testy (balancing on that fine line where you go from asking someone to do something to telling someone to do something and hoping they don't call your bluff). I explained that I had been making on time payments for the last 12 years that I've had this card, so I had already done what they were asking me to do 24 times over! That alone deserved a better rate in my opinion.

Well, she appreciated that, but said she would have to talk to her supervisor and have him call me back. Yes, I flashed back to the mysterious Mr. Misterski too (who has not called me back as of yet - insert look of utter shock here). I said that was fine. I didn't even ask her for her name - I was tired and feeling a bit dejected over the whole process. What did it matter anyway? She'd probably lie about her name like Angela Angela (who lives in New York, New York?), and I truly didn't believe that anyone was going to call me back with anything good to say.

Ah, me of little faith. She called me back herself after only about fifteen minutes to tell me that they were going to reduce my rate to 13.99%. That may not sound like much to some of you, but about 50% of my credit card debt is with B of A right now, so four percentage points lower is just fine with me.

So, after calling this company three times, talking to a total of six people and spending a little under an hour of my time, I saved several thousands of dollars in interest payments. I'd say that was time well spent.

In the midst of these B of A dealings, I also called Citibank, who was charging me 18.99% interest. Suprisingly, I only had to talk to two people there before they bumped my rate down to 10.99%. Oh, and something to keep in mind - most of the rates on credit cards, variable APR mortgages and car loans are tied to the prime rate, which has come down at least 1/2 a point in recent weeks, so in some cases, your rate comes down even if you don't ask for it.

I plugged all these rate reductions (those I negotiated and those from the prime rate reduction) into my Dave Ramsey debt software and ran the debt snowball program again. All told, over the life of my debt, I will have saved $58,129.57 in interest.

And that sure makes a pretty looking diamond on my sword. :)

Robin Hood Was Right

First off, I want to thank all of you that have clicked through and joined Prosper, especially those of you who went so far as to fund a loan - felt pretty good getting that instant $25, didn't it? :)

Remember, once you're a member, if you get others to join through the referral program, you'll get another $25 for each one of them that joins and funds a loan, or joins for the purposes of borrowing. And, as if I need to remind you, every dollar that is loaned from one person to another is one more dollar that THE BANKS don't get any part of (I just felt a tingle in my nether regions). Remember that banker that gave you a really hard time and just wouldn't listen to reason? Well, using Prosper is the financial equivalent of replacing his toilet paper with 80 grit sandpaper. Yeah....Ouch. ;)

That to me is the true win/win scenario. It's always great if I can save some money, or make some money - but add to that the thought that I might be able to sucker punch a financial institution in the process - well hell, that just makes Debt Daddy giddy as a schoolgirl (avert your eyes from the visual that may have stirred up).

I guess that's why Robin Hood has always been one of my heroes. He saw a wrong and he righted it. He saw inequity and did something about it, usually with a broad smile on his face. Because he knew - taking ill-gotten gain from one whom neither deserves nor requires it, and returning said money to those from whom it was originally taken, is not theft - it is justice.

It's not about stealing, it's about turning the tide. Nature knows all about this - there's a part of North Carolina called the Outer Banks. It's a truly beautiful stretch of barrier islands, best known for Kitty Hawk, where the Wright Brothers had their maiden flight. More important than its historical significance however, is the inlet system of the islands themselves. Every year, the tide carries sand from the ocean side of the islands through the inlets and deposits it on the sound side. In time, the currents take that sand back from the sound side and replace it on the ocean side, so the islands are ever shifting, but always there.

Then progress came along and mucked everything up. A large bridge was built many years ago across one of the major inlets, stifling the ability of nature to do its job. Does that mean that the sand stops moving? No. Now, instead of moving the sand to the sound side, a good portion of it simply gets washed out to sea, causing beach erosion and, in worst case scenarios, causing beach homes to be condemned because there's simply not enough land left to safely support their homes.

This is what's happening with money as well. When interest rates on credit card debt are allowed to skyrocket, it erodes your funds. When wealthy CEO's hoard millions, often billions of dollars in offshore accounts, the money doesn't flow and the system doesn't function as it should. When the government denies worthwhile programs that would help the poor and middle class while at the same time rewarding the wealthy, they have blocked the cash flow yet again. And when all of these financial factors are combined, eventually there is not enough left to support you and your financial life is condemned - condemned to a seemingly endless race to get back what you lost, to claw your way out of debt - to do whatever it takes to somehow turn the tide and regain that which the sea has taken from you.

That's what Robin Hood was about - restoring the balance. The king was overtaxing those who could not afford to be taxed so heavily, and Robin Hood took it back, returning the cash to those that needed it most. Was he a thief? Depends on how you look at it - as far as the British were concerned, George Washington was a terrorist. The FBI had this to say about Martin Luther King, directly following his "I have a dream" speech; "We must mark him now . . . as the most dangerous Negro of the future in this Nation from the standpoint of Communism, the Negro and national security." It's all about perspective.

From my perspective, we need more Robin Hoods. And each of us, in our own way, can become Robin Hoods. PLEASE NOTE: DEBT DADDY IS NOT ASKING YOU TO STEAL FROM ANYONE AS DEFINED BY THE LAWS OF THE LAND. DEBT DADDY DOES NOT CONDONE, NOR IN ANY WAY ENCOURAGE FELONY BEHAVIOR! We clear? (That said, if you wanted to cover Rush Limbaugh's front lawn in pink paint, forcing him to pay a struggling landscaper to put down new sod, well then - that's your call. I'm pretty sure that's only a misdemeanor, but check with your local authority.)

What I am suggesting is that we play their game. After all, the banks and the government don't break into your house and steal your prized possessions, do they? No; instead they legally jack up your interest rates and your taxes so that you are forced to sell those prized possessions on Ebay to pay the bills. We need some perfectly legal Robin Hooding ideas, and here are a few:

First of all, take a full weekend and study your income tax code and guidelines. Are you absolutely making the most of your deductions? Time to think outside that cursed box - is there a hobby that you engage in that might, with a little tweaking, become a business? If so, the money you spend on that hobby is tax deductible. When you tithe to your church or other place of worship, do you do so by check? You should - that check is a receipt for your charitable contribution - again, tax deductible. Could your own home possibly be considered a place of worship? I know of Orthodox Jews in my area that are using that strategy. Take a fine tooth comb to the tax books, and see what you might be able to use for your situation.

Speaking of taxes, have you appealed your property taxes? I had thought about this, but was afraid it might backfire and my taxes might go up. Turns out, if you appeal, they can only lower your tax or it remains the same - they cannot raise it (this is in my area - again, check your local authority for rules and regs).

Have you looked at Prosper.com? Many of the borrowers on Prosper are there for the purposes of debt reduction. A loan from Prosper is a fixed rate term loan, quite often at better interest rates than you're getting from Visa and the like. A whole lot of people are benefiting from Prosper, so much so that it was named as one of TIME magazines top 50 websites. Again, if you're interested or curious, click the blue link on the left of this page.

These are just a few thoughts - I hope that you will post your own ideas in the comments section. I'm open to any idea, however "out there" it might seem. Because we've gotta turn this tide, folks. We've gotta get back some of what they've taken from us. And we've gotta do it Now.

Rock on, Robin Hoods.

Debt Daddy - Burnin' Down the Box

Well, we have done the unthinkable...that which must never be mentioned....the beast with seven consequences....

We borrowed from our 401k account.


Okay, that's done it - the remainder of Dave Ramsey's hair just fell out in frustration over my blatant disregard for his rules. I know, I know - in Dave's world, borrowing from my 401k is almost as bad as sleeping with my sister, forcing her to have my baby and naming it Adolf Mussolini.

And yet, I'm just not seeing it that way.

I've had several major bills come in recently - between the life insurance, property tax installment and the dreaded, completely overpriced school tax, I was looking at payments totalling close to $12,000 - that's not even including all the regular monthly bills on top of that. Could I have worked day and night to make that money? Yes. Would I have made my nut? Hmmm....you might, rabbit, you might. Was borrowing from the 401k to take care of those payments the best choice? Maybe, maybe not - I am, after all, robbing my own retirement fund, taking from tomorrow to pay for today (and yesterday, and the day before, etc.). But (and here's the question that decided it for me), how much will you enjoy your tomorrows if you work so hard that you die today?

Today is all we have. Tomorrow is not ever guaranteed and, while we're on the subject, neither are the funds in a 401k or pension or any other retirement account - the value goes up, goes down, and sometimes disappears completely. However, the interest that your credit card company charges is always guaranteed - Visa isn't going to suddenly drop your interest rate from 22% to 3.9% because of volatility on the DOW exchange. So, while we have made good returns on the majority of our investments, and we'll miss those returns on a portion of funds for the time being, the fact remains that I'll have enough left over from this loan to pay off a few thousand dollars worth of credit card debt that's currently charging 18%. Meanwhile, I'm paying back that 401k money at an interest rate of 8.75 %, and that interest is being paid - to me. If I don't pay the loan off sooner, I will have, by the final payment, paid myself $3,783.20 in interest. Frankly, I'd much rather that I get that interest rather than Bank of America or Chase or Citibank or....you get my point. So, sorry Dave, I've been thinking outside the box again and, in my bizarre little mind, this just makes sense.

Thinking outside the box is not always easy. There are some pretty scary nasties on the outside of that box, which is why the box was built in the first place - to give us a comfort zone where we might feel safe and warm and cozy. The problem is, we don't have very much to do with the actual building of the box. Our parents, advertising and marketing companies, the government, teachers - they built our box - their values, mores and beliefs form the walls, floor and ceiling. I have a friend who, for the purposes of this entry and to protect her anonymity, I shall refer to as "Chamomile". Chamomile's parents lived through part of the Great Depression, and this of course has greatly colored her world view, especially in the case of financial matters. So much so that she will often say, "I am a child of the Depression". Now, unless the depression was still going on during the Kennedy Administration, that just ain't true. Doesn't matter; it's in her head - it's the mantra she heard, and the mantra she recites. She didn't build that box, but she's decorated it quite tastefully in the style of the times (which would be the late 1920's).

We've all got our boxes. Believe me, Debt Daddy's box would make your head spin in it's strange amalgam of outdated and often contradictory beliefs. Over the years, I've questioned many of those beliefs and values, leaving dents and sometimes complete holes punched in the walls of my box. The last real solid wall I had was the one entitled, "Thou shalt not borrow from thine 401k - to do so means financial ruin and a daily diet of cat food in your golden years". I stared at that wall for a long time and finally noticed the fine print at the bottom - "This wall manufactured by the banks and financial institutions that use your retirement contributions for decades and who are intent on scaring the bejesus out of you so that you NEVER consider taking away this free source of revenue."

A low growl emanates from deep in Debt Daddy's throat. "Damned banks". In a fit of rage, Debt Daddy charges at that filthy, misleading wall and hurls himself into it. The aged plaster and lathe shatters as he explodes through the wall of his now ramshackle box, landing in a heap on the outside. He finds himself on a vast white sand beach, illuminated by more stars than he thought it possible for the sky to hold. Breathless, he gasps for air and staggers to his feet. The air outside feels clean and fresh, not poisonous like "THEY" said it would be, and a pleasant change from the stale, odorous atmosphere of the box. The Box. An evil gleam flashes in Debt Daddy's eyes. "What this scene needs is a fire", he thinks to himself. Quick as a flash, before he can think twice, he yanks his Zippo from his pocket, rolls the starter across his jeans and tosses the now flaming object into the middle of the box. It ignites immediately, and he sits before the building blaze, chuckling to himself about the sage platitudes that covered its walls -

"A leased vehicle is the Best way to go!"

"What will people think??"

"Ya gotta buy up all the Lucent stock you can....and hold onto it!"

"What you need is a real job in a stable company - like Enron!"

Those and countless others turn to ember and ash, as the box collapses to the ground, it's flames dancing in the night wind. And, although he's sure it's not what the builders had in mind, as he sits before his burning box, now a massive bonfire on the beach, the ashes of preconception, misconception and deception gently floating into an endless night sky full of equally endless possibilities...

He feels Safe.

And Warm.

And Cozy.

Debt Daddy's Pursuit of Happyness

Today was a very good day.

By the end of business today, I had deposited into the bank $3,935.47.

I felt so good, I treated myself to Starbucks. Yes...I know - I'm a spendthrift to the end (I even got the Venti - go big or go home! That's what I say!) and Dave Ramsey would berate me for my extravagance, but I did the math, and that cup of coffee is about .054% of the amount of money I banked today - and I can live with that.

I also got a good lesson in perspective over the last couple of evenings. I saw my sister in law last night and was kvetching about my tax bill (kvetching - verb - the act of complaining, whining, moaning and groaning, or any combination thereof). When I told her it was over $8,000, she said, "Wow, that's low." I was speechless - surely she must have misheard me or have some terrible misconception of this whole high/low concept as it relates to our planet. She then went on to tell me that her school taxes in her very upscale neighborhood were $44,000. That's just the school tax. Total property taxes come to a whopping total of $60,000.

Yeah, I know. My eyes popped out of my head, too.

That was last night. Tonight we watched our latest library rental DVD, "The Pursuit of Happyness". I'm flagging this movie as recommended viewing for everyone trying to get out of debt. I won't give the story away, but suffice it to say that it makes you realize how bad things can get, how good you've got it, and what can be accomplished when you put your mind, body and soul into something.

So, upon further examination, maybe it's me that's got this whole high/low thing mixed up. Even at my very lowest point in this whole financial mishagash (mishagash - yiddish noun - meaning craziness, loosely translated), I've always had a roof over my head, I've always found a way to feed my family, and my taxes were never as high as some people's salary.

All in all, things are pretty good. Are they where I want them to be? Of course not. But things get better. Day by day, bit by bit, they get better.

Yep...today was a very good day.

Debt Daddy on the Edge

Don'tcha just love the mail?

The school tax bill came - all $8,265.00 of it.

Can you say "Ouch"? C'mon, say it with me now - Ouch! Come on; louder! With feeling! (like if part of you just got caught in your zipper - you fella's out there know what I'm talking about)

OUCH!!!!!!

I actually got this bill last week, but it took me this long to be able to talk about it without falling into The Pit Of Despair. I used to suffer from some pretty severe depression, but have found over the past few years that laughter honestly is good medicine (not the best medicine, as many have been led to believe - that would, of course be tequila, but I can't afford that at the moment). So, I've gotten to the point now where I can laugh about this a bit - it's a kind of maniacal laugh - more of a hilarious cackle really, and I think it scares my wife a little, but it's a start.

So, I've gotta scramble..again. I did the numbers when I got the bill and determined that, if I made $200 every single day for the next 26 days (bill is due at the end of September), combined that with my wife's salary and applied that entire amount to the current bills and the tax bill, I would only be $2,000 short. I just ran the numbers again and, to break even, I need to make $500 every day for the next 18 days. (Insert maniacal laughter here)

So, re-think. Re-scramble. Lather, Rinse, Re-peat. And try to dismiss Gene Wilder's voice in my head mumbling, "Now Way Out, No Way Out, No Way Out".

That's probably the most frustrating part of this entire process - I know that there is a way out - I know with the utmost certainty that there is a way by which I can get all this paid off and put this debt behind me - I just haven't figured out what that is yet.

Still, I know that it's there. The Answer. At the moment, it's much like a huge, scattered jigsaw puzzle in my mind, with only the beginnings of an edge completed, but I know that it can be completed and the picture will be clear. There is a solution for every problem, an answer for every question - there is always a way out. I truly believe this. It just requires careful thought and deliberate action, both of which are hard to muster when you have a huge dungheap of debt hanging by a thread directly above you.

A good dose of divine inspiration is also quite helpful to the process, and that's where y'all come in, if you would be so kind. What's the craziest thing you ever did to make money? The most bizarre job you've ever had? The biggest risk you've ever taken that turned out to be profitable? The oddest way to stretch a dollar? Whatever you've got, I'd love to hear it. Sometimes, all it takes is seeing things from a different angle to push me through a mental block and man - I could sure use a push right now.

Please leave some comments on this. I haven't been around blogland long, but it seems to me that good blogs are like good sex - it's always much better when there's more than one person participating. With your help, we could turn this into an absolute blog orgy.

C'mon...join me...it'll be blogeriffic! (Insert maniacal laughter here)

"They Want What They Want When They Want It"

The other night, I was talking with a friend of mine (one of those people that you used to be pretty good friends with, but now you're kinda friends in name only. Like I'm sure some of you never cancelled your Shaun Cassidy fan club memberships, so you're still a part of that group - and I thought I had problems). For the purposes of this conversation and to protect her identity, I will hereinafter refer to her as "Snagglepuss".
Debt Daddy
Snagglepuss and I had actually dated a few decades back - in those days, politics rarely came up - sex was much more interesting. But now politics does come up (since we're no longer having sex) and it seems my friend has turned into quite the Rush Limbaugh lover. Apparently, Rush had been talking on his show about the fact that the government is bailing out people who fell victim to the whole sub-prime mortgage debacle, and this has made Rush Limbaugh angry. And whatever makes Rush angry seems to make Snagglepuss just as angry. She was shocked and appalled at the unfairness of it all - "I've worked for everything I have! When I wanted to buy a house, I did my homework! I didn't fall for those ridiculous programs! If the government is gonna bail out stupid people, why don't they reward me for being smart?! The problem with those people is that they want what they want when they want it!"

I don't think she had any clue that she was, at that very moment, talking with one of "those people". Not that the government or anyone else is bailing me out anytime soon; but apparently, I was one of those stupid people. I tried to explain to Snagglepuss that, as a 41 year old single woman with no children, a house, a paid for car, a good job and a trust fund, she might not be able to understand the plight of a Dad who just wants better for his family, or of a person that may have had to carry two mortgages for six months or so because a house didn't sell and so may have been thrilled to have found a mortgage program to help him out, despite the negatives.

It really didn't matter what I said; her mind was made up. "Nope; they want what they want when they want it - that's all there is to it."

On my way home, I kept coming back to that statement. About halfway to my house, indignance gave way to self examination and I came to the conclusion that, at least as far as I was concerned, she was right. I do want what I want when I want it. It's funny to me that when Rush and Snagglepuss apply that trait to a person and their finances, it's a bad thing. Take that same trait and slap it into a corporate executive - we call him a go-getter who hits the ground running. It's all about perspective, I guess.

So, is wanting what you want when you want it a bad thing? Nope. As far as I'm concerned, that's how and why shit gets done. It's a protest chant, for crying out loud -

"What do we want?

(insert whatever it is you and the other yelling protesters want here)

When do we want it?

Now!"

Desire. Determination. Drive. That's what wanting what you want when you want it is. Wanting what you want when you want it is what makes this country great - hell, it's what made this country in the first place (you remember that from history class, right? Thomas Jefferson and the colonists - "What do we want? Independence! When do we want it? Now!! " What; they didn't teach that in your school? Dude, you got robbed).

So, wanting what you want when you want it isn't a bad thing - I think it's more about what you want. If you spend a fortune on beanie babies, or a Lamborghini or PEZ and at the end of the day you can't pay the rent, then yes - unwise financial decision. PEZ bad, rent good.

Now, I will admit, I have bought more than my fair share of PEZ. My bad, no getting around that. But I believe that I and the other debt bloggers are in the midst of a paradigm shift; one where mass consumption and rabid consumerism brought on by a lifetime of exposure to aggresive marketing gives way to an honest, intelligent analysis of need. One where what we want is truly what we want, not what we have been led to believe that we want and indeed, must have. We're thinking outside the box, dropping out of the consumer grid - We're living like no one else so later we can live like no one else.

What do I want?

No Debt.

When do I want it?

Now.

God Bless America.

The Beginning of the Beginning of the End

Hello, good Debt Daddy readers!

Well, I'm back from vacation, and I'm finally getting caught up with my blogging. I just read my last entry, and I scared myself a little bit. My, my...wasn't I just full of piss and vinegar (for all you kids out there, that means...um....like hyped up - you still say that, don't you?)

Thanks go out to debtsnowballkiller for commending my serious motivation, and she's right - I was motivated as hell. You wanna find out exactly where your finances are? Plan a vacation. Not only do you have to fund the darned thing, but you have to structure all your bill payments to go off seemlessly without you. When I wrote my last post, I had just finished setting all of that up, and I was ready to pull my hair out (and I don't have a lot to begin with, so that's saying something). The actual doing of the thing is easy - schedule your payments online - you pick the date - and they come out of your checking account automatically. Simple, right? However, when you have no money and you're structuring your payments in such a way that Peter pays Paul who pays Mary who pays the other Mary who pays Judas - well, it becomes a riddle wrapped in a conundrum covered in a ponzy scheme - not so simple anymore. (More on that in a later post) In any case, it got done and we got gone.

I came back ready, willing and able to work my butt off and kick some serious credit card ass. Two men enter, one man leaves! Slay the Debt Creature! The theme song from Rocky as performed by System of a Down going through my mind! (Note: System of a Down has never, to my knowledge, done a cover of the Rocky theme song - as I said, this was in my mind - although it would be cool in an extremely warped kind of way, don'tcha think?) I was pumped! Juiced! A bunch of other words that convey excitement!

And there was no work.

I called everyone, and there was simply no work to be done for the entire first week back from vacation. As I've mentioned in previous posts, I'm an independent home improvement contractor. The best part of my job is that I'm not someone's employee. I don't have a boss to answer to. I don't have to play the corporate games. And, since I work alone, sex in the workplace is rarely an issue. The worst part of my job, ironically, is that I'm not someone's employee. No paid vacation days. No sick days. No overtime. And sex in the workplace is rarely an issue. In the corporate world, when there's no work, you can still look busy and get paid. When you're an independent and there's no work, you think about selling your body parts on Ebay.

The jobs are slowly creeping back now. People are back from their own vacations, they've recouped their losses from going on those vacations and have money to spend again. In another week, we should be able to buy groceries.

There's really not much of a point to this post except to say that Armageddon was temporarily called on account of near bankruptcy, but will be on again shortly.

Two men enter, one man leaves.

Diamond encrusted sword.

The whole nine yards.

Don't miss it.

Cats in the Cradle

So it's a Saturday afternoon, and I'm working. I'm up on a ladder, cutting in a wall that I've just painted, working as fast as I possibly can since this job is not being billed by the hour, which means I've quoted this job and the faster I work, the more I make.
Debt Daddy
Below me, an oldies station is playing on the radio (not my radio, not my choice - I don't listen to those stations, because when you know the lyrics to every song that they play on the oldies station, it just proves to everyone within earshot of your singing along that indeed, you yourself are an "oldie". And, in this case, I couldn't even escape to the relative refuge or "Cool Oldie" - y'know, singing along with Jethro Tull, or early Sabbath or Hendrix - no, no, no - this was Eddie Rabbit, England Dan and John Ford Coley type of oldies - and yes, I was still singing along).

So Harry Chapin comes on. Now, I'm a big Harry fan, and while I'd so love to hear "Mr. Tanner" or "WOLD" or "30,000 Pounds of Bananas", I know that these great Chapin tunes were waaaay too long for radio stations to actually play, so it's either gonna be "Taxi" or "Cats in the Cradle". It was the latter.

I'm sure you know the song - Dad works all the time, has no time for his son - son vows to be just like his Dad and succeeds, eventually having no time for his Dad. Karmic, ain't it? Point is, I'm hearing this song on a Saturday afternoon while I'm working and not spending time with my kids who are out having fun with Mommie and Grandma and isn't this just a sad state of affairs when Grandma spends more quality time with my kids than I do but I have to work to take care of my little bundle of debt that was just oh so cute and manageable when I first got him but who has now grown into a fire breathing, money gobbling machine that is eating me out of house and home so I've gotta keep working and working and working, but this song is on and now I'm feeling like a crappy Dad and I'm having a little moment and flashing back to my own Dad who did much the same thing with me and I'm probably on the verge of a really great epiphany when the cash chomping beast blows a little fire up my ass and says, "PAINT FASTER, YA DUMB SCHMUCK - I'M HUNGRY!!!!"

That was my breaking point. I've had it. Pressure turns coal into diamonds? Well, the self-imposed pressure that I'm feeling right now is enough to form a diamond encrusted sword with which I will slay this wretched, soul sucking beast of debt. The Dragon will Die; I'm going to kill it, I'm going to eat it's heart and I'm going to mount it's head on my freakin' wall.

The beast will die completely and finally on December 31st, 2008. There - I've set the goal. Does it sounds ridiculous? Absurd? The Impossible Dream? Yeahhhhh....so what. JFK asked the scientist who would later be responsible for the space program what it would take to put a man on the moon. The scientist said, "The Will to Do It." This debt is taking away my financial future, my financial present, my social life, my time with my kids, their financial future - think about all that on a daily basis and see if you don't find the damned will to do just about anything.

I'll be out of contact for the most part until around August 27th. We're taking a vacation (which I am loathe to take due to our debt, but we've had some help with the vacation fund, so it's not as big of a hit as it could have been). I've told my wife that she should really enjoy this trip, because I am commencing Armageddon on the debt the second we get back. Two men enter, one man leaves - and you know that I'm Mad Max in this freakin' scenario.

August 27th the countdown begins. Stay tuned for the beginning of the end.

Location, Location, Location

Okay, so first off - sorry I haven't posted in awhile. I haven't been on, for the most part, because I'VE BEEN WORKING, FOR CRYING OUT LOUD! HAVE YOU SEEN MY NIGHTMARE NETWORTH?? THEY'LL TAKE EVERYTHING I HAVE IF I STOP WORKING!! FORECLOSE ON MY HOUSE! AUCTION OFF MY SHOES!! IF I STOP WORKING, THE TERRORISTS WIN!!!!!!Seriously, y'all have to tell me how you find the time to do all this blogging stuff on top of working. Do you sleep?

Anyway, the other reason I hadn't been posting was because it didn't seem like a whole lot of people were seeing my blog (I know - it's new, it takes time, yada yada - Sorry, but I'm an instant gratification type of guy) and, as a result, I felt like I was talking to myself. Heck, not even talking - I was typing to myself, which seemed patently ridiculous (I mean, should I text myself next? Find myself on E-Harmony?) So, I went away, to work...and to mope.

However, upon my return I find that over 60 of you have come to my palace of public financial humiliation and bloodletting, and to you I say, Welcome! Some have made the journey from as far away as Canada (the only foreign country I've ever been to, although it really doesn't count because it's kind of attached - Private Benjamin) and to you I say, How's that universal healthcare thing working for ya? Is it nice where you are? Would I enjoy living in the land of unusual bacon and Mounties?

Yes, dear reader, we have finally arrived at The Point Of This Post. I live in New York. New York City proclaims that it is The Greatest City In The World, which is fine, I guess. NYC has a slightly inflated ego? - we'll let that slide; kinda like we do with Paris Hilton. Neither NYC nor Ms. Hilton are half as great as they think they are, neither of them has done anything really spectacular in quite some time, if ever, and most of their current noteriety is more for negative things than positive. Still, we can let them have their little fantasies that they are the greatest.

However, when New York's inflated ego reflects on my budget in the form of ridiculously high property and school taxes - well, it's time for a reality check. I pay way too much for way too little and I'm tired of it. I'm thinking that it's time to pack my bags and find a cheaper place to exist. So I'm asking all of you out there; Would I like living in your town more? Would it be cheaper? Nicer? Friendlier? Better schools? Does your town have the best moccachino this side of the Mississippi?

This post is interactive, folks. And I'm serious. In fact, let's make it a contest - leave me a comment telling me why your town is The Place To Be. If, based upon your post, your town is selected as the winner, my family, my dog and I will move to your town and you can meet Debt Daddy in person! (I will shower for the event - that's how you know it's a realllly big deal). The winning poster will also receive a Free T-shirt! (not a new t-shirt, mind you - after all, I'm on a budget - it will probably be one of my old t-shirts that's a little too fugly to wear to work, but hey! It's a free t-shirt!!)

Wow, I can so feel the excitement flowing from you right now! Well, go ahead - don't let me keep you any longer - post your comments now! :)