Sweat the Small Stuff

For want of a nail the shoe was lost.

For want of a shoe the horse was lost,

For want of a horse the rider was lost.

For want of a rider the battle was lost.

For want of a battle the kingdom was lost.

And all for the want of a horseshoe nail.

The first time I saw this, it was on a poster where I worked one of my first jobs. I was much younger then; not yet the tattered, grizzled Debt Daddy you see before you now (oh, that's right - you can't see me - well, be thankful for that. There are days where I look like the love child of Jerry Seinfeld and Tommy Lee Jones - and this is definitely one of those days - heavy on the Tommy).

Turns out the verse started it's existence as a nursery rhyme, and was later used by Ben Franklin in his "Poor Richard's Almanac" series. I always liked it. Kinda makes me feel like every bit of a thing is important, like little things mean a lot, like God is in the details, like a person's a person no matter how small - oh crap - I've fallen into a platitude loop and I can't get out. Gotta clear my mind - quick - what would Captain Veto say?

"Uhhhhhh........"

Okay, I'm better now. Whew, that was close. Ya just gotta love that Captain Veto - someone once told him to clear his mind and he never bothered to fill it back up again. He's a fine example of the power of vacuous thinking.

But I digress. Silliness aside, all of the above mentioned sayings are basically true. That's why, when I hear phrases like "acceptable losses" said with about as much emotion as one might use to pass gas, it just gets my panties in a bunge. Acceptable to whom? Eminent Domain laws can take a person's property and build a freeway where it once stood. Entire forests can be mowed down in order to erect yet another unnecessary McMansion development. Thousands of people can be laid off without a moments notice to strengthen a corporate bottom line. And of course, countless lives, both military and civilian are destroyed when countries go to war.

To some, these are "Acceptable Losses". These losses serve the "Greater Good". That's what we always hear - and back in the day when "greater good" meant the good of the country or the world as a whole, I could begrudgingly accept that losses would occur and that maybe the ends justify the means. But I think the powers that be have decided that "The Greater Good" now means quite a different thing. I imagine that the top politicians and corporate heads of business see themselves as the Greater Good, simply because, in their estimation, they are greater than everyone else (and gooder too, Captain Veto might say). And, if that's the mindset, then everyone and everything else becomes expendable.

In my opinion, that's the reason for this whole financial, environmental and geopolitical shit storm we're in right now. Just a bunch of greedy dudes getting greedier. They just don't care. People starving, people dying for oil, people losing their homes - hey that's cool - just make sure my seven figure bonus check is in my mailbox, k? Un Frigging believable.

Yeah, in case you hadn't already figured it out, Debt Daddy is a liberal. I hope that doesn't bother anyone. If it does, well, I really don't care. Those powers that be have tried to turn liberal into a nasty word - something to be embarrassed about. Should I feel that way? Let's ask Webster.

Liberal - defined by Webster as generous and broad minded. Liberals, as one would imagine, practice liberalism which is defined as believing in progress, the essential goodness of the human race, the autonomy of the individual and standing for the protection of political and civil liberties.

So, should I be embarrassed by that? Nah...by that definition, Jesus was a liberal. So was Gandhi. Hell, by that definition, Superman was a liberal. I'm in some pretty cool company.

In the coming months, you're gonna hear a lot of folks trying to use the word "liberal" as a derogatory term. When they do, I hope you'll think back on this post and take what they're saying with a grain of salt.

Whether they like it or not, we're all in this together. The shoe, the horse, the rider, the battle, even the kingdom ain't worth a hill of beans without that nail.

And the term "Acceptable Losses"? Well, that's just Unacceptable.

Peace.

You Wanna Do WHAT??

I've gone off the deep end.

I want to open a restaurant.

I know, I know.....Debt Daddy is insanity personified. He's already got so much work going on that there needs to be a scheduled appointment for sleep, absolutely NO working capital to speak of, and he's talking about going into a business with a fairly abysmal success rate. Yes, in this venture, the odds are stacked squarely against our hero.

Given my history, that seems to be exactly the way I like them.

So, what do I have? Grand Illusions (or is it delusions? Right either way, I guess). I have a vision, building in the back of my brain, of not just a restaurant, but more of a theatrical experience...with food.

The food in question is what can only be described as "comfort food". However, that means different things to different people. So, I ask you - what's your favorite comfort food? What's that special something you like to eat that makes you feel all warm and cozy and makes a crappy day seem not so crappy?

Please, please respond to this question. There are no wrong answers, there will not be a quiz, you can even post anonymously if you like. However, if you do include your name, and the food you mention makes it onto the menu, there's a good chance we'll name that dish after you. So quick! Comment now! Immortality on a menu might be only a few short keystrokes away!

Do you know about Tyler Durden?

NOTE: This post deals with the movie "Fight Club". If you have not seen this movie, please see it. Debt Daddy gives it two enthusiastic thumbs up. If, like a friend of mine, you didn't see this film because you don't like movies about fighting, let me fill you in - Fight Club is about a whole lot more than fighting. In fact, IMHO, fighting is probably the least important part of the flick.


"Do you know about Tyler Durden?"

Meat Loaf says this line to Edward Norton in the movie, "Fight Club". Tyler Durden, played by Brad Pitt (Brad Pitt, organizer of the Make it Right foundation, rebuilding the lower 9th ward in New Orleans - http://www.makeitrightnola.org/ - please donate), is a larger than life, in your face character who takes the rules and constructs of society and turns them upside down to suit his needs and desires. It is Tyler Durden who, with the help of Edward Norton's character, starts Fight Club and, throughout the film, brings a large network of people around to his way of thinking. He does this by yanking them out of their comfort zone, shaking them out of their complacency and making them realize that you are not defined by your job, or your condo, or your IKEA living room set.

Tyler Durden recreates the world in his own image. When Debt Daddy grows up, he wants to be Tyler Durden.

When I first considered blogging about "Fight Club", my emphasis was going to be on how Tyler and his group dealt with the outside world. One of the best lines in the movie is where Tyler says to the Police Commissioner (who is at that moment, being held down on a bathroom floor with a knife pressed up against his family jewels - always a motivation to listen), "Look, the people you are after are the people you depend on. We cook your meals, we haul your trash, we connect your calls, we drive your ambulances. We guard you while you sleep.

Do not... fuck with us."

To me, that pretty much sums up the current financial situation in our country. The Richies keep going after the Average Joe, taking his money, outsourcing his job to India, foreclosing on his house - all the while blind to the fact that Joe and the rest of the Average world keep the trains running on time. Now, with the housing market, GDP and consumer confidence in a tailspin, I think they might finally be starting to realize that yes - if you push us too far, it will cause those on the top to suffer as well. Indeed, best not to "fuck with us".

So, that was going to be the gist of this entry. But then I started thinking about Tyler Durden himself. Throughout this film, Tyler challenges our basic assumptions about our daily lives and the world in which we live. Not simply, "Are we winning in the game of Life?" which we regularly ask ourselves, but instead, "What does winning this particular game mean? Who made up the rules to this game? Why do we follow them? Is this really the game we want to be playing, in the way we're playing it?"

Tyler says, "The things you own end up owning you." If you're still paying 19% interest on that solar powered hot dog rotisserie and bun warmer that you just had to have, you know this is true.

Tyler says, "Reject the basic assumptions of civilization, especially the importance of material possessions." Why? See the above quote.

Tyler says, "You have to know the answer to this question! If you died right now, how would you feel about your life?" Socrates once said, "the unexamined life is not worth living", yet most of us think of this self examination in much the same way that we might think about a colonoscopy - a big pain in the ass is the main thought. But, like a colonoscopy, we're also secretly afraid of what we might find. Fear aside, it's worth thinking about.

And here's a quote attributed to Tyler that I honestly don't remember ever hearing in the movie, but it spoke to me:

"Warning: If you are reading this then this warning is for you. Every word you read of this useless fine print is another second off your life. Don't you have other things to do? Is your life so empty that you honestly can't think of a better way to spend these moments? Or are you so impressed with authority that you give respect and credence to all that claim it? Do you read everything you're supposed to read? Do you think every thing you're supposed to think? Buy what you're told to want? Get out of your apartment. Meet a member of the opposite sex. Stop the excessive shopping and masturbation. Quit your job. Start a fight. Prove you're alive. If you don't claim your humanity you will become a statistic. You have been warned- Tyler. "

Do you know about Tyler Durden?

My Drag Name? Ann O. Nymity

I think Drag Queens are great.

I'm sure most of you know what I'm talking about, but for those who don't, drag queens are female impersonators - male performers that present the illusion of being female onstage, usually in a larger than life way (think RuPaul's friends - RuPaul herself is no longer a drag queen in my opinion - she has now attained "Icon" status).

Why do I think they're great? I couldn't really tell you - it's just a fascination. As a former actor myself, I know how much work goes into preparing for a role, but most roles that an actor might play are at least based on his current or "active" gender. FI's (female impersonators) don't have that as a foundation on which to build. They must construct their characters, their physical forms, their presentation from the ground up - and that takes work. And then of course, they need a name.

Here's how non-performers (people not of the stage) pick a drag name - you take the name of your first pet growing up as your first name, and the name of the street where you first lived as your last name which, in my case would make me "Dutchess Harrison". That ain't half bad as a drag name. My friend "Scruffy 23rd Street" didn't fare so well. As I said, this is the non-performer, fun little cocktail party way of coming up with a drag name.

Real performers, people who actually do perform as drag queens - well, they go about it a completely different way. Their names by and large are a turn of a phrase, usually telling and almost always funny. Dusty Britches, Charity Case, Candy Cayne, Summer Luvvin, Anita Mann, Amanda Love - this is just a small sampling of drag monikers that you might hear being announced at many bars and clubs across the country.

Using this method, I would name myself Ann O. Nymity. Or perhaps her dear next door neighbor Ann Onymous. Either way, you get the point. You don't know me; I could be anyone. I could be your neighbor, your gas man, your son's fifth grade music teacher - you just don't know.

At first, that was cool. I really enjoyed creating the Debt Daddy alter ego - that mythic man of mystery who's shower is only a passing acquaintance - but then I got to thinking; why do I need a "secret identity"? Most of my friends don't even know that this blog exists, and I find myself biting my tongue sometimes not to tell them. Why? The obvious reason, of course, is that I'm more than a little embarrassed by my fiscal mis-management, as I'm sure some other debt bloggers are. We messed up somewhere along the line, didn't get a handle on it, and let things spin out of control. Now we hang our heads in shame, not just because we're not the millionaires that our younger selves knew we would be by this age, but also because we're so far behind that it seems like we my never be. We knew when we were young that the term "working poor" would never come close to describing us and yet, here we sit, blogging in secrecy about it.

The thing is, I really don't think we're the minority here. I think there are a lot more people in the same boat that are also too embarrassed to talk openly about it, and so don't. We are the silent majority.

I think it's about time we got loud. I think it's time for us to come out of the closet. Not because we're proud of our debt, but because there is strength in numbers. We need to talk openly with our friends and neighbors about debt and see if they have thoughts or ideas on dealing with it that hadn't occurred to us, and share our ideas with them. We need to write Congress and Captain Veto often and insist that they pass legislation that might actually benefit us during this time of financial difficulty. We need to call our credit card companies on a regular basis and consistently request lower interest rates, perhaps by threatening default. And we have to urge as many people as we can to do the same. We need to be out and proud, not about the debt we incurred, but about the positive steps we are taking to make things better.

Having said that, I guess it's only fair that I tell you who I really am. It's time to unveil the identity of the man with the enormous debt that struggles each and every day to keep his financial boat afloat. So, who am I?

I am your neighbor.

I am your gas man.

I am your son's fifth grade music teacher.

I am a drag queen.

I am the majority. And so are you.

Tell a friend.

Where have I been? Ah...where haven't I been?

I know, I know...it's just been too friggin' long between posts, and you're jonesing just a little bit for the old Debt Daddy, aren't you? C'mon, fess up - you missed the curmudgeonly ramblings of the man also known as He Who Doth Not Bathe Regularly. Yeah, me too. I've missed being around...I've missed organizing my thoughts into some sort of neatly stacked diatribe and tossing it at the computer screen to see what sticks. It's just been a downright fugly bitch of a month for oh so many reasons. I'll get to a few of those in a moment, but first, some shout outs to my peeps - Boyyyyyyyyyyyyy!

Okay, first off, if you don't know my buddy JW over at Need to be Debt Free (see my links on the sidebar), you gotta check him out. He's got some really good content, and seems to find much more time to post than your old good for nuthin' yours truly. A few weeks ago, I hit his site and was pleased to find a link to the entire movie, "Maxed Out". Debt Daddy gives this flick two huge thumbs up - by the end of the film, you just wanna take a credit card company CEO out behind the woodshed and show him the business end of a pitchfork...and not in a good way. Anyway, here's the link - catch it when you can and tell a friend. http://needtobedebtfree.blogspot.com/2008/03/watch-complete-movie-maxed-out.html

Second, to Brian over at Over 40 Debt Weight Loss - hey dude, thanks for missing me, and I'm glad you're picking up what I'm putting down. And while I'm at it, thanks as well to Jeff B for your completely cool comments - it's not every day that Debt Daddy gets called poetic (pathetic, on the other hand - yeah, I hear that pretty much every day - more often than not from that scruffy looking dude in my mirror - what's up with him??) As you can see if you looked around the blog, we don't get a whole lotta comments here in DebtDaddyville, so those I do get I treasure, like a Mantle rookie card or a Hummel (okay, Hummels are those kinda freaky looking miniature porcelain figures, usually featuring children with overly wide eyes. Why does Debt Daddy know about Hummels? True Story - when The Daddy was just a wee lad of 17, his virginity was taken ((okay, okay - I gave it to her happily)) by a hot little 21 year old blonde dancer who we'll call Bambi. Bambi was the stuff that dreams are made of, and she made a lot of my 17 year old dreams come true. And Bambi, hot little vixen that she was, collected Hummels. Now, did you really need to know all that? Nah...I just like to brag about Bambi sometimes.) So thanks for the comments, thanks for coming back, and tell a friend.

Okay, so on to why I haven't been around. Let's start with my computer, which has become quite possessed lately. Apparently, something posing as an Adobe update got into my system and has been multiplying like the price of oil. As a result, I've learned quite a bit about Trojans, AdWare, MalWare, GrayWare - most of which are designed to redirect your browser to places you didn't ask for. It's like Pop Up Hell. As a result, it would sometimes take me up to five minutes just to get to my homepage. Ironically, half the time it would redirect me to non-working websites, so it didn't even do it's job effectively. While I still haven't been able to get it all out of my system, I've found a way to bypass it, so I can do what I need to do and, more importantly, it can't do anything that it wants to do.

And so, I'd like to say something to the inventors of these programs, if any of them are reading this - congratulations. You've created an idiotic, devious little beast that most reasonable people don't want and don't like in the least. You've brought into the world a self important, time wasting hellion that seems to take great pleasure in blocking real progress, only to interrupt with programs that don't work and don't go anywhere. So pat yourself on the back. I mean really - how many people can say they've done that?

Yep, you and Barbara Bush. You're in fine company, bucko.

So, that's one reason I've been AWOL. There are others, and I'll get to them, but not tonight. It's late, I'm tired and I usually use the last hour before sleep to have a mild panic attack and question most of the major decisions I've made in my life (ahhhhhhhh...quality time). I will try to get back here sooner, and on a more regular basis. For all of you who keep dropping by - thanx for hangin' with the Debt Daddy.

You Rock.

Peace Out.

Making a Living

Yesterday I was loading up my tools after a job and talking with the client. She had spent many years of her life as an opera singer and, as I enjoy singing too, we chat about it often. She asked how my singing was going and I sighed, "Good enough when I actually have the time to do it". She said, "That's the problem with making a living - it leaves very little time for actually living". Lately, I couldn't agree with her more.

I know that we're making progress on the whole debt free triathalon, but it's such incredibly slow progress and it really starts to wear on me sometimes. I've been working more, seeing my family less, and my body seems to be in a constant state of "Ouch". Not that I should complain - my old keggling buddy, Figaro Jones (by far, the coolest alias I've come up with so far - hope you like it, dude) has a job that takes him away from home for about three weeks out of every month and that just sucks to the ninth power. Still, he manages to make it work. Now, logic should dictate that I appreciate my current situation in comparison to Figaro's - I mean sure, my debt's bigger than his (I don't actually know the total household debt load of the Jones home, but I feel pretty confident in saying that I got the biggest damn debt in town - and that is why I am the Debt Daddy, aight? I know - I actually sound proud of my debt - how frigging ridiculous is that? Still, I'm a guy, and guys always want to have the biggest Something - well, this is my "big thing" and I'm running with it.), but at least I get to see my family every night, even if they are asleep when I finally wander in the door. Even so, it can sometimes seem like there's just no end in sight - no end to the debt, no end to the work, no end to the highways travelled in the pursuit of those ends.


One of the more frustrating aspects of driving down that debt reduction superhighway is seeing all the pretty sights along the way and not being able to stop and enjoy them. Sometimes I feel like that kid in the back seat on that dreadfully long cross country drive, pointing out the window every now and then and shouting, "Look Dad! There's Disneyworld! Look Dad! There's FrontierLand! Look Dad! The Circus! CAN WE STOP?? PLEASE?????" Well, you know Dad's answer - "No can do, son - we've got to keep to this road if we're ever gonna make it to where we're going on time". And that's how it feels now with this dreadfully long debt reduction journey - "Look Debt Daddy! That low paying non-union musical you want to perform in! Look Debt Daddy! That beachfront house you want to rent for a weeks vacation! Look Debt Daddy! That day off you want to take and just do nothing!" Debt Daddy grumbles from the front seat; Yeah, yeah kid - I hear ya, but we gotta stay on this road. Tell ya what - at the next rest stop, you can get yourself a happy meal and I'll scrape the bugs off the windshield - that's almost as good as that beach house, right?

Yeah, sure Debt Daddy- and store brand cookies are just as good as the brand name variety. Still, I get the point. If you stop at every attraction along the way, you'll never get to your destination. So, we make due with the occasional rest stop happy meal - you can't do the full scale musical, but you can do the one night staged reading instead. You can't do the beach house, but maybe you can build a treehouse for your kids so they have something fun. Meanwhile, you keep that rubber to the road and try to make sure that crazy car doesn't start going in reverse, rolling back down that hill into debt Hell.

Anyway, it's time for me to get back on that road. I'm sure I'll see you there. Remember to keep that windshield clean, and enjoy those happy meals when they come your way.

The Misery Business

A few weeks ago, I was having lunch with my friend Miffy (not his real name, of course - but if you knew him, you'd realize how fitting a name it is), and I was kvetching (from the Yiddish - to complain, to bitch, to moan) about a client and how they were making me nuts. He said, "Well, if misery loves company..." and I stopped him. I said, "No - I don't know who came up with that, but misery does not love company. What does that mean, anyway? If I have a mysterious toe fungus, I would love for you to have a mysterious toe fungus as well? No; misery should not love or even want company unless misery is just a sadistic old so and so."

Upon reflection, I realize that I may have been mistaken.

Misery does love company, but not just any company. It has to be the right company. If I'm getting hit over the head with a hammer, and I'm really not enjoying that very much, would I want my brother, or my wife, or even Miffy to get hit over the head with a hammer as well? Of course not - I don't want them to suffer and it would do me no good anyway. They are the wrong company. However, if the fella smacking my noggin with that mallet were to feel the hammer from my perspective - perhaps if, for every time he hit my head, he had to hit his own head as well with equal force, well then - that is company that I would love. No, not simply love - adore. Because maybe, just maybe, if Crazy Head Hammer Guy feels - actually feels - how much I'm hurting, and it hurts him that much as well - perhaps he will stop the hammering. Maybe he'll turn over a new leaf and become Really Remorseful Aspirin Dispensing Guy instead.

Which brings us to the latest financial markets.

Our beloved Fed Chairman, Ben Bernanke (Bernanke....the most beautiful sound I ever heard...) has been of late the wholesale distributor of aspirin to us in the form of interest rate cuts. Heck, the other day, he was just plain giving it away with a 3/4 point cut in the overnight lending rate. They haven't done something like that in decades. So why now? We've been dealing with financial hardship for quite awhile; why are they acting so aggressively now? Because the folks at the top - the Masters of the Universe - the nasty guys swinging the hammers and trying to knock every last penny out of us - well, they're finally starting to feel the pain as well...and it's about time.

The powers that be are starting to feel what we've been feeling for quite awhile and - surprise, surprise - they don't like it. So here comes dear Mr. Bernanke (They call the wind Bernanke...) with rate cuts and Treasury Secretary Henry Paulson (a far less musical name, unlike Bernanke - Bernanke! Bernanke! One helluva guy!) with the President's great and powerful stimulus package. Ooooooh! Ahhhhhhh! Great and powerful stimulus package!

Yeah - 300 to 600 bucks a piece. You'll get your check in May. And they want us to spend it as fast as humanly possible. With that, and of course some big business tax credits, this package will make everything all better again. Debt Daddy's reaction to this package? Well, in cyber terms, I am ROFLMAOPMPBAGFLSHDGIMNMA! (translated - Rolling On the Floor Laughing My Ass Off, Pissing My Pants,Busting A Gut From Laughing So Hard, Dear God, I May Need Medical Attention). It's ridiculous. It's ludicrous. And it's a prime example of how much Rich America is out of touch with the rest of us. The total rebate for my household will be $1,800, which is a little less than half my monthly mortgage payments. In their scenario, I'm like a crack addict in need of a retail fix and I won't even wait for the check to clear before I run down to the mall and pick up a new flat screen tv, or a new set of 14 carat gold toe rings, or that snazzy cappuccino/espresso/ravioli maker I've had my eye on - it really doesn't matter. In their scenario, I simply can't be rational with money, and will spend it on pretty much anything in order to get that retail rush. Corporate profits will rise, the GDP will appear solvent, and confidence will return to the markets. Blind consumerism will have once again rescued Corporate America and her bloodsucking CEO's, and all will be right with the world. Their world, anyway.

Of course, in my scenario, that's not gonna happen. That money will go where pretty much all my money goes - paying down the debt. I'm hoping that the large majority of Americans do the same. I'm hoping that this stimulus package does absolutely nothing to stimulate the economy because, if it does help, then the country will go back to business as usual, and that's simply unacceptable. Call me un-American if you will, but I've been enjoying the last few months. I enjoy hearing that Bernanke (he's Bernanke...boys, he'll make you happy...yeah, yeah, yeah) has dropped interest rates again....and again....and again. I giggle when I hear mildly panicked radio announcers asking financial experts the same question over and over an over again - "Are we heading for a recession??" - as if we weren't already in one. You and I and most of America - we've been doing the recession mambo for quite awhile - but now these guys are finally starting to hear the music.

Well, welcome to the financial whack-a-mole machine, fellas! How's that hammer feel?

This whole thing is gonna get worse before it gets better. But, ironically enough, worse for them is better for us. If we take that rebate and pay down our debts instead of spending it, they may give us more rebates to "jump-start the economy". If the Richies continue to be scared and run to Bernanke (Beeeeeeeeen - Bernanke when the wind comes sweeping down the plain!) to save them, he'll lower rates again...and again...and again.

And so it goes. It's no day at the beach, but hey - at least now we've got company.