A few weeks ago, I was having lunch with my friend Miffy (not his real name, of course - but if you knew him, you'd realize how fitting a name it is), and I was kvetching (from the Yiddish - to complain, to bitch, to moan) about a client and how they were making me nuts. He said, "Well, if misery loves company..." and I stopped him. I said, "No - I don't know who came up with that, but misery does not love company. What does that mean, anyway? If I have a mysterious toe fungus, I would love for you to have a mysterious toe fungus as well? No; misery should not love or even want company unless misery is just a sadistic old so and so."
Upon reflection, I realize that I may have been mistaken.
Misery does love company, but not just any company. It has to be the right company. If I'm getting hit over the head with a hammer, and I'm really not enjoying that very much, would I want my brother, or my wife, or even Miffy to get hit over the head with a hammer as well? Of course not - I don't want them to suffer and it would do me no good anyway. They are the wrong company. However, if the fella smacking my noggin with that mallet were to feel the hammer from my perspective - perhaps if, for every time he hit my head, he had to hit his own head as well with equal force, well then - that is company that I would love. No, not simply love - adore. Because maybe, just maybe, if Crazy Head Hammer Guy feels - actually feels - how much I'm hurting, and it hurts him that much as well - perhaps he will stop the hammering. Maybe he'll turn over a new leaf and become Really Remorseful Aspirin Dispensing Guy instead.
Which brings us to the latest financial markets.
Our beloved Fed Chairman, Ben Bernanke (Bernanke....the most beautiful sound I ever heard...) has been of late the wholesale distributor of aspirin to us in the form of interest rate cuts. Heck, the other day, he was just plain giving it away with a 3/4 point cut in the overnight lending rate. They haven't done something like that in decades. So why now? We've been dealing with financial hardship for quite awhile; why are they acting so aggressively now? Because the folks at the top - the Masters of the Universe - the nasty guys swinging the hammers and trying to knock every last penny out of us - well, they're finally starting to feel the pain as well...and it's about time.
The powers that be are starting to feel what we've been feeling for quite awhile and - surprise, surprise - they don't like it. So here comes dear Mr. Bernanke (They call the wind Bernanke...) with rate cuts and Treasury Secretary Henry Paulson (a far less musical name, unlike Bernanke - Bernanke! Bernanke! One helluva guy!) with the President's great and powerful stimulus package. Ooooooh! Ahhhhhhh! Great and powerful stimulus package!
Yeah - 300 to 600 bucks a piece. You'll get your check in May. And they want us to spend it as fast as humanly possible. With that, and of course some big business tax credits, this package will make everything all better again. Debt Daddy's reaction to this package? Well, in cyber terms, I am ROFLMAOPMPBAGFLSHDGIMNMA! (translated - Rolling On the Floor Laughing My Ass Off, Pissing My Pants,Busting A Gut From Laughing So Hard, Dear God, I May Need Medical Attention). It's ridiculous. It's ludicrous. And it's a prime example of how much Rich America is out of touch with the rest of us. The total rebate for my household will be $1,800, which is a little less than half my monthly mortgage payments. In their scenario, I'm like a crack addict in need of a retail fix and I won't even wait for the check to clear before I run down to the mall and pick up a new flat screen tv, or a new set of 14 carat gold toe rings, or that snazzy cappuccino/espresso/ravioli maker I've had my eye on - it really doesn't matter. In their scenario, I simply can't be rational with money, and will spend it on pretty much anything in order to get that retail rush. Corporate profits will rise, the GDP will appear solvent, and confidence will return to the markets. Blind consumerism will have once again rescued Corporate America and her bloodsucking CEO's, and all will be right with the world. Their world, anyway.
Of course, in my scenario, that's not gonna happen. That money will go where pretty much all my money goes - paying down the debt. I'm hoping that the large majority of Americans do the same. I'm hoping that this stimulus package does absolutely nothing to stimulate the economy because, if it does help, then the country will go back to business as usual, and that's simply unacceptable. Call me un-American if you will, but I've been enjoying the last few months. I enjoy hearing that Bernanke (he's Bernanke...boys, he'll make you happy...yeah, yeah, yeah) has dropped interest rates again....and again....and again. I giggle when I hear mildly panicked radio announcers asking financial experts the same question over and over an over again - "Are we heading for a recession??" - as if we weren't already in one. You and I and most of America - we've been doing the recession mambo for quite awhile - but now these guys are finally starting to hear the music.
Well, welcome to the financial whack-a-mole machine, fellas! How's that hammer feel?
This whole thing is gonna get worse before it gets better. But, ironically enough, worse for them is better for us. If we take that rebate and pay down our debts instead of spending it, they may give us more rebates to "jump-start the economy". If the Richies continue to be scared and run to Bernanke (Beeeeeeeeen - Bernanke when the wind comes sweeping down the plain!) to save them, he'll lower rates again...and again...and again.
And so it goes. It's no day at the beach, but hey - at least now we've got company.
Wednesday, January 23, 2008
Sunday, January 20, 2008
Cents, Scents and Nonsense
You just can't make this stuff up. Well, I guess you could, but why the hell would you even want to?? I heard about this on Bloomberg Radio (a financial radio station) today and could not believe my frigging ears. Check out this article -
Davos Aromas Deodorize Subprime Stench, Charm Dimon, Kissinger
By A. Craig Copetas
Jan. 17 (Bloomberg) -- Truth is, the global economy can sometimes stink.
So the World Economic Forum is targeting the noses of the 2,400 global leaders at the group's 38th annual meeting next week in Davos, Switzerland. Perfume-pumping machines in the main conference halls will spray eight specially created fragrances such as Artemis and Lavender Fields to relieve any unpleasant aromas that settle on delegates, who include Chevron Corp. Chief Executive Officer David O'Reilly, JPMorgan Chase & Co. CEO Jamie Dimon and former U.S. Secretary of State Henry Kissinger.
The creator of eau de Davos is Christophe Laudamiel, a French chemist who is senior perfumer at International Flavors & Fragrances Inc. The New York-based company blends aromas for fashion houses such as Polo Ralph Lauren Corp. and makes the smell that makes a new car smell like a new car.
``WEF called in August and interviewed me for three hours to make sure I wasn't a weirdo,'' says Laudamiel, who earned his chemistry degree at the University of Strasbourg and was the chief ``perfumer creator'' at Procter & Gamble Co. ``The invitation was a surprise. I'm more often asked by women what perfume they should wear to have guys jump them on the street.''
The 38-year-old aroma engineer spent the next six months in his company's labs in Berlin and Manhattan, working with 2,200 vials of potions and secretly constructing ``chords and arpeggios'' of scents to make the WEF perfumes that he says can trigger imagination without words.
The Mission
Laudamiel's mission is to create and circulate aromatic moments that evoke the intimacy of the meeting, while helping delegates solve global calamities against a backdrop of crisis. Paramount among what the WEF's 2008 program portrays as a global ``contagion'' is the fallout from lenders marking down more than $80 billion after a surge in U.S. subprime mortgage defaults.
``The aroma of subprime is an interesting concept, and that's one of the reasons I'm fragrancing the rooms,'' Laudamiel says. ``I want my perfumes to overcome the gloom.''
``It's important we leave sufficient room for the young people involved in the forum to develop seminars like this,'' says Klaus Schwab, the WEF's 69-year-old founder and chairman.
Then, with a smile on his face, Schwab says he has ``no clue'' how the perfume project came together. ``Davos always evokes provocation,'' he says.
The perfuming of Davos is raising some noses.
`Downright Bizarre'
``It's downright bizarre,'' says WEF delegate Bill Margaritis, senior vice president of investor relations at FedEx Corp. ``Traveling at great cost to the Swiss Alps to sniff perfume isn't going to play well back home. The last thing any CEO needs in the current economic environment is to be caught on camera in a ski resort snorting perfume. What is WEF doing, trying to recreate the Oracle of Delphi by releasing vapors on delegates?''
Laudamiel says his Gigabyte perfume -- ``a scent created to inspire high tech and optimism'' -- will revitalize global leaders with ``the fresh electricity of a computer store and the clean aroma of laundry.''
His Happiness fragrance will envelop Kissinger and Dimon as they direct the upper echelons of politics and finance in seminars on ``Military Power in the 21st Century'' and ``The Myths and Realities of Sovereign Wealth Funds.''
And if the electricity it takes to spray Glacier perfume, ``a tribute to the shrinking Arctic ice cap,'' and the 24 pounds of all the scents exceed the carbon-emission reduction units of the Kyoto Protocol on the environment, the forum will calculate the cost overruns and donate the money for the purchase of solar cooking stoves in Yulin, China.
`Foolish'
``I know a lot of people think this is foolish,'' says Toshiko Mori, chairwoman of Harvard University's architecture department and one of the WEF delegates who initiated the perfume project. ``But the global economy is in dire straits and we must improve the quality of human spirits. Perfuming is a powerful tool in a much broader discourse. The fragrances will help us reach economic and political solutions at Davos.''
Perfume historians say there's nothing odd about the deodorization of Davos. ``Royalty of antiquity had perfumers attached to their court, preparing state feasts and entertainments,'' anthropologist Constance Classen says in her 1994 book ``Aroma: The Cultural History of Smell.'' ``Perfume has the power to relieve anxiety, brighten dreams and heal the soul.''
The WEF's aromatherapy policy, spelled out in a working paper titled ``The World Economic Forum Meets the World of Olfaction,'' promises a series of innovative scents concocted from the same ingredients that ``embalmers have always had to gather from around the world, beyond political, cultural and racial boundaries.'' The document says the fragrances will be ``floating in the congress meeting rooms.''
`Mutqqichini'
Laudamiel's signature contribution to the forum is a perfume called Six Continents, to be released in the plenary room at the main Congress Center. ``It's fresh and icy, subtle green notes with yellow fruits drenched in watery elements,'' he says. ``Odors are the building blocks of class hierarchies and political orders.''
Looking up from a test tube in his Berlin lab and running his fingers through a short-cropped Mohawk hair-do, Laudamiel adds: ``The powerful people coming to Davos need aroma.''
As Six Continents and the other perfumes waft across the summit, delegates are supposed to ``mutqqichini,'' an ancient Incan verb used to describe people smelling something together.
Smell Test
Paola Hjelt, the WEF's global leadership fellow in charge of fragrances, says Swiss security officials nonetheless have demanded a smell test before global leaders such as former U.K. Prime Minister Tony Blair and Pakistan President Pervez Musharraf begin mutqqichining when the conference officially opens on Jan. 23.
``The security people don't need to worry'' Hjelt says. ``The point is to make a nice smell.''
Craig Binetti, president of the nutrition and health division at E.I. du Pont de Nemours & Co., isn't so certain. ``Allergic reactions would be a concern,'' Binetti says, serving caution to delegates who might find themselves being doused with the WEF's Magnolia & Sage cologne at the seminar ``If America Sneezes, Does the World Still Catch a Cold?''
Hjelt insists that allergic eruptions aren't an issue. Laudamiel agrees. ``I test all my ingredients on humans,'' he says.
Bob McKee, chief economist at the consulting firm Independent Strategy Ltd. in London, suggests that everyone in Davos should consider bringing gas masks.
Nasal Vigilance
``The global economy smells and perfume won't make it go away,'' McKee says. ``The collapse of the U.S. dollar is a great big green cabbage that has been in the fridge too long: You open the door and still don't know where the stench is coming from. Subprime and the credit crisis? How about the tang of dirty water with overtones of rotten timber scented with wood lice as it drains down a moldy sink?''
McKee says that spritzing WEF's Lavender Fields perfume on NYSE Euronext CEO Duncan Niederauer, who is hosting an afternoon- tea session on ``Regulation and Capital Market Competition,'' might be better employed at ``The Science of Love'' dinner. ``The best the WEF can hope for,'' McKee reckons, ``is a fragrance that will make everyone in Davos start loving each other again.''
Roberto Ascoli, a professional perfumer and president of the French fragrance company Symrise SA, advises nasal vigilance.
``It's yet to be proven that any perfume injected into a room can create an atmosphere for world leaders to solve problems,'' Ascoli says. ``There may be other smells that overpower the perfumes. Anybody in the Congress Center who sweats a lot will immediately destroy the aroma.''
Of course. I can't believe I didn't see it sooner. The value of the dollar sinking to all time lows, mortage defaults getting higher every day and credit card defaults starting to follow - the whole frigging financial construct teetering on the edge of total and utter catastrophe - how can we get out of this?? How can we possibly survive?? WHAT CAN SAVE US FROM COMPLETE ECONOMIC DOOM??????
Aromatherapy.
Brilliant.
Davos Aromas Deodorize Subprime Stench, Charm Dimon, Kissinger
By A. Craig Copetas
Jan. 17 (Bloomberg) -- Truth is, the global economy can sometimes stink.
So the World Economic Forum is targeting the noses of the 2,400 global leaders at the group's 38th annual meeting next week in Davos, Switzerland. Perfume-pumping machines in the main conference halls will spray eight specially created fragrances such as Artemis and Lavender Fields to relieve any unpleasant aromas that settle on delegates, who include Chevron Corp. Chief Executive Officer David O'Reilly, JPMorgan Chase & Co. CEO Jamie Dimon and former U.S. Secretary of State Henry Kissinger.
The creator of eau de Davos is Christophe Laudamiel, a French chemist who is senior perfumer at International Flavors & Fragrances Inc. The New York-based company blends aromas for fashion houses such as Polo Ralph Lauren Corp. and makes the smell that makes a new car smell like a new car.
``WEF called in August and interviewed me for three hours to make sure I wasn't a weirdo,'' says Laudamiel, who earned his chemistry degree at the University of Strasbourg and was the chief ``perfumer creator'' at Procter & Gamble Co. ``The invitation was a surprise. I'm more often asked by women what perfume they should wear to have guys jump them on the street.''
The 38-year-old aroma engineer spent the next six months in his company's labs in Berlin and Manhattan, working with 2,200 vials of potions and secretly constructing ``chords and arpeggios'' of scents to make the WEF perfumes that he says can trigger imagination without words.
The Mission
Laudamiel's mission is to create and circulate aromatic moments that evoke the intimacy of the meeting, while helping delegates solve global calamities against a backdrop of crisis. Paramount among what the WEF's 2008 program portrays as a global ``contagion'' is the fallout from lenders marking down more than $80 billion after a surge in U.S. subprime mortgage defaults.
``The aroma of subprime is an interesting concept, and that's one of the reasons I'm fragrancing the rooms,'' Laudamiel says. ``I want my perfumes to overcome the gloom.''
``It's important we leave sufficient room for the young people involved in the forum to develop seminars like this,'' says Klaus Schwab, the WEF's 69-year-old founder and chairman.
Then, with a smile on his face, Schwab says he has ``no clue'' how the perfume project came together. ``Davos always evokes provocation,'' he says.
The perfuming of Davos is raising some noses.
`Downright Bizarre'
``It's downright bizarre,'' says WEF delegate Bill Margaritis, senior vice president of investor relations at FedEx Corp. ``Traveling at great cost to the Swiss Alps to sniff perfume isn't going to play well back home. The last thing any CEO needs in the current economic environment is to be caught on camera in a ski resort snorting perfume. What is WEF doing, trying to recreate the Oracle of Delphi by releasing vapors on delegates?''
Laudamiel says his Gigabyte perfume -- ``a scent created to inspire high tech and optimism'' -- will revitalize global leaders with ``the fresh electricity of a computer store and the clean aroma of laundry.''
His Happiness fragrance will envelop Kissinger and Dimon as they direct the upper echelons of politics and finance in seminars on ``Military Power in the 21st Century'' and ``The Myths and Realities of Sovereign Wealth Funds.''
And if the electricity it takes to spray Glacier perfume, ``a tribute to the shrinking Arctic ice cap,'' and the 24 pounds of all the scents exceed the carbon-emission reduction units of the Kyoto Protocol on the environment, the forum will calculate the cost overruns and donate the money for the purchase of solar cooking stoves in Yulin, China.
`Foolish'
``I know a lot of people think this is foolish,'' says Toshiko Mori, chairwoman of Harvard University's architecture department and one of the WEF delegates who initiated the perfume project. ``But the global economy is in dire straits and we must improve the quality of human spirits. Perfuming is a powerful tool in a much broader discourse. The fragrances will help us reach economic and political solutions at Davos.''
Perfume historians say there's nothing odd about the deodorization of Davos. ``Royalty of antiquity had perfumers attached to their court, preparing state feasts and entertainments,'' anthropologist Constance Classen says in her 1994 book ``Aroma: The Cultural History of Smell.'' ``Perfume has the power to relieve anxiety, brighten dreams and heal the soul.''
The WEF's aromatherapy policy, spelled out in a working paper titled ``The World Economic Forum Meets the World of Olfaction,'' promises a series of innovative scents concocted from the same ingredients that ``embalmers have always had to gather from around the world, beyond political, cultural and racial boundaries.'' The document says the fragrances will be ``floating in the congress meeting rooms.''
`Mutqqichini'
Laudamiel's signature contribution to the forum is a perfume called Six Continents, to be released in the plenary room at the main Congress Center. ``It's fresh and icy, subtle green notes with yellow fruits drenched in watery elements,'' he says. ``Odors are the building blocks of class hierarchies and political orders.''
Looking up from a test tube in his Berlin lab and running his fingers through a short-cropped Mohawk hair-do, Laudamiel adds: ``The powerful people coming to Davos need aroma.''
As Six Continents and the other perfumes waft across the summit, delegates are supposed to ``mutqqichini,'' an ancient Incan verb used to describe people smelling something together.
Smell Test
Paola Hjelt, the WEF's global leadership fellow in charge of fragrances, says Swiss security officials nonetheless have demanded a smell test before global leaders such as former U.K. Prime Minister Tony Blair and Pakistan President Pervez Musharraf begin mutqqichining when the conference officially opens on Jan. 23.
``The security people don't need to worry'' Hjelt says. ``The point is to make a nice smell.''
Craig Binetti, president of the nutrition and health division at E.I. du Pont de Nemours & Co., isn't so certain. ``Allergic reactions would be a concern,'' Binetti says, serving caution to delegates who might find themselves being doused with the WEF's Magnolia & Sage cologne at the seminar ``If America Sneezes, Does the World Still Catch a Cold?''
Hjelt insists that allergic eruptions aren't an issue. Laudamiel agrees. ``I test all my ingredients on humans,'' he says.
Bob McKee, chief economist at the consulting firm Independent Strategy Ltd. in London, suggests that everyone in Davos should consider bringing gas masks.
Nasal Vigilance
``The global economy smells and perfume won't make it go away,'' McKee says. ``The collapse of the U.S. dollar is a great big green cabbage that has been in the fridge too long: You open the door and still don't know where the stench is coming from. Subprime and the credit crisis? How about the tang of dirty water with overtones of rotten timber scented with wood lice as it drains down a moldy sink?''
McKee says that spritzing WEF's Lavender Fields perfume on NYSE Euronext CEO Duncan Niederauer, who is hosting an afternoon- tea session on ``Regulation and Capital Market Competition,'' might be better employed at ``The Science of Love'' dinner. ``The best the WEF can hope for,'' McKee reckons, ``is a fragrance that will make everyone in Davos start loving each other again.''
Roberto Ascoli, a professional perfumer and president of the French fragrance company Symrise SA, advises nasal vigilance.
``It's yet to be proven that any perfume injected into a room can create an atmosphere for world leaders to solve problems,'' Ascoli says. ``There may be other smells that overpower the perfumes. Anybody in the Congress Center who sweats a lot will immediately destroy the aroma.''
Of course. I can't believe I didn't see it sooner. The value of the dollar sinking to all time lows, mortage defaults getting higher every day and credit card defaults starting to follow - the whole frigging financial construct teetering on the edge of total and utter catastrophe - how can we get out of this?? How can we possibly survive?? WHAT CAN SAVE US FROM COMPLETE ECONOMIC DOOM??????
Aromatherapy.
Brilliant.
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