Ooooh, I feel a RANT coming on

Okay, so this client of mine has been on me to do these oh-so-ridiculous pesky little chores around her house. She called me in April and I said I would be available around the end of May. I've already done half the crap on her list and would've finished were it not for a day of rainstorms yesterday (I will not do exterior painting in the rain...I know, how utterly unreasonable am I?? What a frigging diva Debt Daddy has become). I call and leave a message to tell her that I will be painting tomorrow since I want the wood to have a day of dry time from the rain, so as long as she leaves the paint on the porch (as she said she would), I'll take care of it in the morning. Well, she calls me at 7:30 in the evening to say that that the paint is in her car, so I can't paint til she gets back on Friday, but did I get the stuff that will always keep her skylight clean (another goofy thing on my list of vital responsibilities)? I said that I would probably be able to do that by Saturday. Her response?

BIG SIGH.

Just FYI, Debt Daddy frigging HATES the Big Sigh. Did I mention that she's calling me from the Hamptons?? I just got done working a 10 hour day, but I didn't get the miracle elixir that makes the skylight magically clean for all eternity, and that makes me fully deserving of the Big Sigh from the retired lady of frigging leisure out in the DAMNED HAMPTONS???

"Why haven't you been able to do that yet?", she asks. "I called you in April; I thought you'd have been able to take care of that by now." I explain that I'm in the middle of three major jobs (this is my nice way of saying that I've got people with much bigger fish to fry than your pathetic SKYLIGHT ISSUE!!!!) She says, "Yes, you told me that in April." Which I did. Guess what - the jobs were bigger than I thought they would be - go figure. I mean, that never happens in contracting, right?? Things always get done on time and under budget, right??? So, I apologize and tell her that I will get it right this second. I get off the phone, drive to Home Depot, find the stuff she's looking for (Rain-X - it's a water repellent for windshields - do not use on plastic - what do you wanna bet her molded skylight is made out of plastic?), buy the paint and primer that I know she already has in her car ('cause I'm not coming back again on frigging Friday), and come home to resume my previously interrupted life, already in progress. I'm gonna go there tomorrow, get all the little crap done, leave a bill and a note telling her to mail me the check. And then I am done with The Leisurely Lady of the Big Sigh.

Am I over reacting? Of course I am - that's pretty obvious, even to the oft obtuse Debt Daddy. It was just the straw that broke the contractors already strained and damaged back. There's a line in the musical Pippin - the king is married to a conniving woman, but she's really hot, so he keeps her around. Anyway, at one point in the show, after she's kind of screwed him over, he says, "I don't know if the fornicating I'm getting is worth the fornicating I'm getting". That's kinda how I feel right about now.

I am probably the best deal in town as home improvement dudes go. I do very good work at a verrrry reasonable rate, I'm honest, I barely, if ever, mark up my materials, and I strive to do my best. This means, more often than not, that I take my time. I don't rush things; I hate seeing slapdash work, and I don't like the idea of having my name on something that's half assed.

So that's problem number one; I take too long. As a result, people of the instant gratification age end up getting impatient and I occasionally hear the Big Sigh. I've even had one client say to me, "I just want to get it over with". Well, hell - why on earth am I even trying to do quality work? Comments like that make me feel down on the whole project - I may as well just go get them an IKEA unit that looks like what I'm building and slap my name on it. Comments like that make me want to just throw the thing together and get it out of my shop...but I can't. I still feel the need to make something that I can be proud of, even at the ridiculously low price that I'm charging.

Which brings me to problem number two - people are frigging cheap. It's not enough that people call me with no real idea of what they actually want done or how they want it done (so I then have to be design consultant, lifestyle coach, psychotherapist and occasionally...dog whisperer (your 200 pound Newfoundland who just crushed my testicles with a lethal headbutt seems to prefer the area by the bay window - why don't we install his mahogany doggie bed there?) - it's not enough that people think I can stop time (we'd like the gazebo over here - the materials will be delivered on Friday and the backyard wedding for my daughter is on Sunday - you can have it built, stained, polyurethaned and decorated by then, right?) Right...and your daughter's wearing white because she's a virgin.

No, that's not enough. On top of all that, they're gonna give me a hard time over my price. There's a line in the movie Michael Clayton - "I am not the guy you kill; I'm the guy you buy. Are you so blind you don't even know what I am?" Well, for me that line would read, "I am not the guy you haggle with - I'm the best buy around (and you know it too, because we both know you didn't call me first); are you so stupid that you're gonna nickel and dime me to death?"

It's pathetic. And I'm sick and tired of dealing with it. Now I know why so many contractors are those type of slapdash, overcharging, not taking the small jobs type of guys - they were made that way by homeowners. I get it.

So what's a guy to do? Cross over to the Dark Side? Become one of those guys? Maybe. It'd be a helluva lot easier, that's for sure. I don't know how much I'd like myself, but at least then the fornicating I'd be getting would be worth the fornicating I'd be getting. It's either that, or change careers.

The restaurant thing is, for now anyway, a bust. It looked like a great opportunity, and it's something I would very much like to do, but my friend Fluffy was pretty much the lynch pin in this particular enterprise, and frankly, his total and complete inaction in taking the very simplest of steps toward making this happen is telling me not to hang my hopes on this star. It's time I came to grips with the fact that Fluffy hasn't the desire, drive or balls to step outside of his comfort zone and take a chance. I really thought that this time he might - he talks about this all the time, and the restaurant thing is totally his gig, but there's this fear of failure on his back that's gonna ride him to his grave, and there's nothing I or anyone else can do about that - that's his shit to deal with, and there ain't no changing that.

So, it's on to something else, although I'm not sure what. I'd ask for suggestions, but reallly - I asked you guys what your favorite comfort food was and you'd think I had assigned you to write a Euclidean haiku about flan. Mac and cheese. There...see? Easy. Cheesecake. Took me all of two seconds to write that one. Don't worry - if comfort food was too much of a strain, I'm not gonna ask you about major career choices.

That's my shit to deal with..and there ain't no changing that.

Thus endeth the rant.

Sweat the Small Stuff

For want of a nail the shoe was lost.

For want of a shoe the horse was lost,

For want of a horse the rider was lost.

For want of a rider the battle was lost.

For want of a battle the kingdom was lost.

And all for the want of a horseshoe nail.

The first time I saw this, it was on a poster where I worked one of my first jobs. I was much younger then; not yet the tattered, grizzled Debt Daddy you see before you now (oh, that's right - you can't see me - well, be thankful for that. There are days where I look like the love child of Jerry Seinfeld and Tommy Lee Jones - and this is definitely one of those days - heavy on the Tommy).

Turns out the verse started it's existence as a nursery rhyme, and was later used by Ben Franklin in his "Poor Richard's Almanac" series. I always liked it. Kinda makes me feel like every bit of a thing is important, like little things mean a lot, like God is in the details, like a person's a person no matter how small - oh crap - I've fallen into a platitude loop and I can't get out. Gotta clear my mind - quick - what would Captain Veto say?

"Uhhhhhh........"

Okay, I'm better now. Whew, that was close. Ya just gotta love that Captain Veto - someone once told him to clear his mind and he never bothered to fill it back up again. He's a fine example of the power of vacuous thinking.

But I digress. Silliness aside, all of the above mentioned sayings are basically true. That's why, when I hear phrases like "acceptable losses" said with about as much emotion as one might use to pass gas, it just gets my panties in a bunge. Acceptable to whom? Eminent Domain laws can take a person's property and build a freeway where it once stood. Entire forests can be mowed down in order to erect yet another unnecessary McMansion development. Thousands of people can be laid off without a moments notice to strengthen a corporate bottom line. And of course, countless lives, both military and civilian are destroyed when countries go to war.

To some, these are "Acceptable Losses". These losses serve the "Greater Good". That's what we always hear - and back in the day when "greater good" meant the good of the country or the world as a whole, I could begrudgingly accept that losses would occur and that maybe the ends justify the means. But I think the powers that be have decided that "The Greater Good" now means quite a different thing. I imagine that the top politicians and corporate heads of business see themselves as the Greater Good, simply because, in their estimation, they are greater than everyone else (and gooder too, Captain Veto might say). And, if that's the mindset, then everyone and everything else becomes expendable.

In my opinion, that's the reason for this whole financial, environmental and geopolitical shit storm we're in right now. Just a bunch of greedy dudes getting greedier. They just don't care. People starving, people dying for oil, people losing their homes - hey that's cool - just make sure my seven figure bonus check is in my mailbox, k? Un Frigging believable.

Yeah, in case you hadn't already figured it out, Debt Daddy is a liberal. I hope that doesn't bother anyone. If it does, well, I really don't care. Those powers that be have tried to turn liberal into a nasty word - something to be embarrassed about. Should I feel that way? Let's ask Webster.

Liberal - defined by Webster as generous and broad minded. Liberals, as one would imagine, practice liberalism which is defined as believing in progress, the essential goodness of the human race, the autonomy of the individual and standing for the protection of political and civil liberties.

So, should I be embarrassed by that? Nah...by that definition, Jesus was a liberal. So was Gandhi. Hell, by that definition, Superman was a liberal. I'm in some pretty cool company.

In the coming months, you're gonna hear a lot of folks trying to use the word "liberal" as a derogatory term. When they do, I hope you'll think back on this post and take what they're saying with a grain of salt.

Whether they like it or not, we're all in this together. The shoe, the horse, the rider, the battle, even the kingdom ain't worth a hill of beans without that nail.

And the term "Acceptable Losses"? Well, that's just Unacceptable.

Peace.

You Wanna Do WHAT??

I've gone off the deep end.

I want to open a restaurant.

I know, I know.....Debt Daddy is insanity personified. He's already got so much work going on that there needs to be a scheduled appointment for sleep, absolutely NO working capital to speak of, and he's talking about going into a business with a fairly abysmal success rate. Yes, in this venture, the odds are stacked squarely against our hero.

Given my history, that seems to be exactly the way I like them.

So, what do I have? Grand Illusions (or is it delusions? Right either way, I guess). I have a vision, building in the back of my brain, of not just a restaurant, but more of a theatrical experience...with food.

The food in question is what can only be described as "comfort food". However, that means different things to different people. So, I ask you - what's your favorite comfort food? What's that special something you like to eat that makes you feel all warm and cozy and makes a crappy day seem not so crappy?

Please, please respond to this question. There are no wrong answers, there will not be a quiz, you can even post anonymously if you like. However, if you do include your name, and the food you mention makes it onto the menu, there's a good chance we'll name that dish after you. So quick! Comment now! Immortality on a menu might be only a few short keystrokes away!