Wassuppppp?????
I know - I ain't been around these parts in a long spell. Apologies for my absence; as most of you know, this working like a dog to support the credit card companies can take up a whole heckuvalot of your time, and after busting your ass for "THE MAN" for however many hours a day (and since I'm self employed, I guess that makes me "THE MAN" which would account for my bouts of self loathing - I can't help it - I just think my boss is a big weenie, y'know?), sometimes you just don't feel up to blogging. Sometimes the idea of trying to formulate coherent thought is simply too daunting. Sometimes you just wanna watch "Chuck" instead.
But I'm here now, so let's just move on from this point with some Updates!!
Update #1: I Grow, I Prosper
I got this e-mail from Prosper.com last week -
Prosper Filing Registration Statement; Enters Quiet Period
Prosper has started a process to register, with the appropriate securities authorities, promissory notes that may be offered and sold to lenders through our site in the future. Until we complete the registration process, we will not accept new lender registrations or allow new commitments from existing lenders. If you're an existing lender, your current lender agreements will be unaffected; your existing loans will continue to be serviced; you'll be able to track and monitor your loans; and you'll be able to withdraw funds from your Prosper account. If you're a borrower with an existing loan, you will continue with your current borrower agreement and be unaffected by the registration process. If you're a borrower seeking a loan, you will still be able to create a new loan listing, which we will endeavor to fulfill through alternative sources. As the appropriate securities authorities may consider a new loan listing to constitute the offer of a security, we are unable to post new loan listings on our site until our registration statement becomes effective. A successful registration can take several months, but we assure you we will do our best to move forward as quickly as possible. Until this process is complete, we're required to be in a quiet period and will be unable to respond to press, blogger or other inquiries about Prosper or the registration filing until it becomes effective. We apologize for any inconvenience this may cause, and want to thank you in advance for your understanding and support.
They also asked affiliates to temporarily remove any advertisements regarding Prosper from their blogs, so you won't see that ad on this site for a while. Here's hoping they get all their business wrapped up soon - Prosper's been very good to me, and I definitely want to do more investing with them.
Update #2: The Citi Never Sleeps (yeah, and neither do brain sucking zombies)
So, the other day I get a notice in the mail from Citibank (or CitiCorp or CitiGroup or whatever their frigging CitiCalling their CitiSelves this CitiDay). Anyway, the notice says that soon, they will be raising their interest rate on purchases from wherever yours might happen to be now (ours is at 6.5%) to 24.99%. Why? Just 'cause. But wait! There's another option! If you don't want your interest rate to quadruple!, you can "opt out". I wondered what opting out would entail, and called the CitiNumber to get some CitiAnswers. The CitiChick that I spoke with explained that, if you opt out, your interest rate will not increase; it will stay where it is. However, when your card expires, the account will be automatically closed. Being the suspicious DebtDaddy that I am, I said, "Ah, and then when the account closes, the balance is due in full, right? Right?" Wrong. After the card expires, you continue to make monthly payments as you normally would until the account is paid in full. So, in a nutshell; if you opt out, your interest rate doesn't go up, your account is closed which, if you're a Dave Ramseyite, you know is a good thing, and there's no other penalty. Of course, there are two caveats - the first is that most people's interest rates are variable rates that fluctuate with prime, so the rate could change - but last I checked, prime ain't going no where but down. The second thing is that your FICO score might get a little screwy at some point, since if the account is closed and you still owe money on it, then the amount of credit card debt you have might outweigh the amount of credit you have available to you, which doesn't get you high marks with FICO. But again, search Dave Ramsey's site for references to FICO, and you'll find that he doesn't really care much about that. He himself has a terrible FICO score, because that score is based on credit usage, which is a habit that the good Mr. Ramsey has kicked.
So, if you've got a CitiCard, you might want to call your own CitiChick or CitiDude and opt out yourself. Tell 'em Debt Daddy sent you. ;)
Update # 3: DebtDaddy Version 44.0
I'm old....er. Yes, reader - Debt Daddy turned 44 yesterday. The good news is I don't look a day over 50. The bad news is that I didn't get nearly enough people wishing me a happy birthday, so how about posting me some well wishes in the comments section? Or you could just send money - money works too. ;)
Thanks.
Friday, December 5, 2008
Thursday, October 2, 2008
Betting against the House
The more I hear about this bailout plan, the more pissed I get. So I wrote a letter to my Congressman and, if you agree with me, I hope you will too. Here's the letter I sent:
Dear Sir,
I'm sincerely hoping that when the new $700 billion bailout plan comes to you for a vote, that your vote will be a loud, resounding "Nay". The definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over hoping for a different result - how much good money will have to be thrown after bad before we learn this lesson and try implementing new programs that don't continue to reward the criminals of Wall Street for their illicit behavior?
On top of that, the idea that this bill was "sweetened" with an additional $100 billion in tax breaks has me absolutely furious, seeing that these particular tax breaks don't do very much for the lower and middle class taxpayer. AMT doesn't apply to as many of us as you may imagine - it's like saying you'll give me a free oil change with the purchase of a Bentley, when all I can afford to drive is a Honda Fit. Nice of you, but it really won't do me much good.
You want to do some real good? Scrap this incredibly wasteful bill. Instead, why don't you give taxpayers making $100,000 or less a tax holiday - anyone in that bracket doesn't have to pay income tax for the next two years, and any withholding that they've had deducted from their paychecks for this year will be refunded. I'm no economist, and I haven't run exact numbers on this idea, but I assure you it would be more beneficial to all involved than the absurd giveaway that you're currently entertaining. You want a stimulus package? There's your stimulus package.
I'm asking you to stand up, Sir - in the face of being unpopular, in the face of oppressive lobbyists, in the face of Wall Street giants - I'm asking you to stand up for the rest of us and do what's right.
Thank you for your time.
So that's my take; what's yours? Dial up your congressman - let 'em know.
Dear Sir,
I'm sincerely hoping that when the new $700 billion bailout plan comes to you for a vote, that your vote will be a loud, resounding "Nay". The definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over hoping for a different result - how much good money will have to be thrown after bad before we learn this lesson and try implementing new programs that don't continue to reward the criminals of Wall Street for their illicit behavior?
On top of that, the idea that this bill was "sweetened" with an additional $100 billion in tax breaks has me absolutely furious, seeing that these particular tax breaks don't do very much for the lower and middle class taxpayer. AMT doesn't apply to as many of us as you may imagine - it's like saying you'll give me a free oil change with the purchase of a Bentley, when all I can afford to drive is a Honda Fit. Nice of you, but it really won't do me much good.
You want to do some real good? Scrap this incredibly wasteful bill. Instead, why don't you give taxpayers making $100,000 or less a tax holiday - anyone in that bracket doesn't have to pay income tax for the next two years, and any withholding that they've had deducted from their paychecks for this year will be refunded. I'm no economist, and I haven't run exact numbers on this idea, but I assure you it would be more beneficial to all involved than the absurd giveaway that you're currently entertaining. You want a stimulus package? There's your stimulus package.
I'm asking you to stand up, Sir - in the face of being unpopular, in the face of oppressive lobbyists, in the face of Wall Street giants - I'm asking you to stand up for the rest of us and do what's right.
Thank you for your time.
So that's my take; what's yours? Dial up your congressman - let 'em know.
Monday, September 29, 2008
What's the Square Root of Occam's Razor?
A few days ago, the lovely and talented Debt Mommy forwarded an e-mail to me that has apparently been making "quite the stir" on the Internet as of late. You may have already seen it, but here it is again anyway -
Hi Pals,
I'm against the $85,000,000,000.00 bailout of AIG.
Instead, I'm in favor of giving $85,000,000,000 to America in a We Deserve It Dividend.
To make the math simple, let's assume there are 200,000,000 bonafide U.S. Citizens 18+. Our population is about 301,000,000 +/- counting every man, woman and child. So 200,000,000 might be a fair stab at adults 18 and up.. So divide 200 million adults 18+ into $85 billon that equals $425,000.00. My plan is to give $425,000 to every person 18+ as a We Deserve It Dividend. Of course, it would NOT be tax free. So let's assume a tax rate of 30%. Every individual 18+ has to pay $127,500.00 in taxes. That sends $25,500,000,000 right back to Uncle Sam. But it means that every adult 18+ has $297,500.00 in their pocket. A husband and wife team has $595,000.00.
What would you do with $297,500.00 to $595,000.00 in your family?
Pay off your mortgage - housing crisis solved.
Repay college loans - what a great boost to new grads
Put away money for college - it'll be there
Save in a bank - create money to loan to entrepreneurs.
Buy a new car - create jobs
Invest in the market - capital drives growth
Pay for your parent's medical insurance - health care improves
Enable Deadbeat Dads to come clean - or else
Remember this is for every adult U S Citizen 18+ including the folks who lost their jobs at Lehman Brothers and every other company that is cutting back. And, of course, for those serving in our Armed Forces. If we're going to re-distribute wealth let's really do it...instead of trickling out a puny $1000.00 ("vote buy") economic incentive that is being proposed by one of our candidates for President. If we're going to do an $85 billion bailout, let's bail out every adult U S Citizen 18+! As for AIG - liquidate it. Sell off its parts. Let American General go back to being American General. Sell off the real estate. Let the private sector bargain hunters cut it up and clean it up.
Here's my rationale. We deserve it and AIG doesn't. Sure it's a crazy idea that can "never work." But can you imagine the Coast-To-Coast Block Party! How do you spell Economic Boom? I trust my fellow adult Americans to know how to use the $85 Billion We Deserve It Dividend more than do the geniuses at A IG or in Washington DC. And remember, The Birk plan only really costs $59.5 Billion because $25.5 Billion is returned instantly in taxes to Uncle Sam.
Ahhh...I feel so much better getting that off my chest.
Now, how did you feel reading that? I know when I read it, it definitely struck a chord (actually, several chords - I think they were the opening guitar chords to the U2 hit, "Desire", but I digress.) Who gets the money?? Yeah, that's right, Wall Street losers - WE get the money! Inspired! Brilliant! Fantastic!!
And, unfortunately - Wrong.
If you do the math correctly, as I'm sure some of you already have (I can see Figaro Jones with his calculator right now), you will find that 85 billion divided by 200 million equals $425, not the $425,000 that got the Debt Daddy all hot and bothered. So, the big windfall that the author of this post supposed just won't be blowing our way. The math was flawed; the plan won't work.
And yet, you just have to stop and wonder for a minute - was it really such a crazy idea? Trickle down economics just doesn't seem to be effective, because money, like water, will only trickle down if you allow it to. Those at the top have gone out of their way to ensure that most of the leaks in their giant money cistern have been properly patched and caulked, so very little money is actually trickling anywhere. Why not trickle Up economics instead? It's not my idea - google it and you'll find many proponents of the theory. Give money to those that need it and guess what? They spend it. Give money to those that don't need it and guess what? They don't spend it. Not in the percentages that we need them to anyway.
Now, there are those that say that trickle up economics is just a bunch of socialist hooey - a hand out to people that don't deserve it and they don't want to see their hard earned tax dollars going to support a bunch of bums and lowlifes that are probably going to blow that money like they've blown any money they've ever had previously.
Funny - those are my exact feelings about giving $700 Billion to Wall Street. I guess it's all about perspective. I'm a contractor. Many times, I'm called in to fix a mess made by someone else, so the last thing I'm going to do is repeat past mistakes. For the homeowner, that would be throwing good money after bad, as the government is about to do with the $700 billion welfare check. No; as a contractor, I look for the easiest solution that is also the most effective, which brings us to Mr. Occam (who was not, to my knowledge, a contractor, but I like the way he thinks anyway).
Occam's Razor is a theory that says essentially, "All other things being equal, the simplest solution is the best." I can think of no better simple solution to our current financial woes than simply giving US more money to spend. And here; I'll make it even simpler -
For one year, anyone making less than $150,000 a year doesn't have to pay taxes. No state, local, federal, sales, property, school, capital gains, sin or death tax for 365 days.
Later.
Hi Pals,
I'm against the $85,000,000,000.00 bailout of AIG.
Instead, I'm in favor of giving $85,000,000,000 to America in a We Deserve It Dividend.
To make the math simple, let's assume there are 200,000,000 bonafide U.S. Citizens 18+. Our population is about 301,000,000 +/- counting every man, woman and child. So 200,000,000 might be a fair stab at adults 18 and up.. So divide 200 million adults 18+ into $85 billon that equals $425,000.00. My plan is to give $425,000 to every person 18+ as a We Deserve It Dividend. Of course, it would NOT be tax free. So let's assume a tax rate of 30%. Every individual 18+ has to pay $127,500.00 in taxes. That sends $25,500,000,000 right back to Uncle Sam. But it means that every adult 18+ has $297,500.00 in their pocket. A husband and wife team has $595,000.00.
What would you do with $297,500.00 to $595,000.00 in your family?
Pay off your mortgage - housing crisis solved.
Repay college loans - what a great boost to new grads
Put away money for college - it'll be there
Save in a bank - create money to loan to entrepreneurs.
Buy a new car - create jobs
Invest in the market - capital drives growth
Pay for your parent's medical insurance - health care improves
Enable Deadbeat Dads to come clean - or else
Remember this is for every adult U S Citizen 18+ including the folks who lost their jobs at Lehman Brothers and every other company that is cutting back. And, of course, for those serving in our Armed Forces. If we're going to re-distribute wealth let's really do it...instead of trickling out a puny $1000.00 ("vote buy") economic incentive that is being proposed by one of our candidates for President. If we're going to do an $85 billion bailout, let's bail out every adult U S Citizen 18+! As for AIG - liquidate it. Sell off its parts. Let American General go back to being American General. Sell off the real estate. Let the private sector bargain hunters cut it up and clean it up.
Here's my rationale. We deserve it and AIG doesn't. Sure it's a crazy idea that can "never work." But can you imagine the Coast-To-Coast Block Party! How do you spell Economic Boom? I trust my fellow adult Americans to know how to use the $85 Billion We Deserve It Dividend more than do the geniuses at A IG or in Washington DC. And remember, The Birk plan only really costs $59.5 Billion because $25.5 Billion is returned instantly in taxes to Uncle Sam.
Ahhh...I feel so much better getting that off my chest.
Now, how did you feel reading that? I know when I read it, it definitely struck a chord (actually, several chords - I think they were the opening guitar chords to the U2 hit, "Desire", but I digress.) Who gets the money?? Yeah, that's right, Wall Street losers - WE get the money! Inspired! Brilliant! Fantastic!!
And, unfortunately - Wrong.
If you do the math correctly, as I'm sure some of you already have (I can see Figaro Jones with his calculator right now), you will find that 85 billion divided by 200 million equals $425, not the $425,000 that got the Debt Daddy all hot and bothered. So, the big windfall that the author of this post supposed just won't be blowing our way. The math was flawed; the plan won't work.
And yet, you just have to stop and wonder for a minute - was it really such a crazy idea? Trickle down economics just doesn't seem to be effective, because money, like water, will only trickle down if you allow it to. Those at the top have gone out of their way to ensure that most of the leaks in their giant money cistern have been properly patched and caulked, so very little money is actually trickling anywhere. Why not trickle Up economics instead? It's not my idea - google it and you'll find many proponents of the theory. Give money to those that need it and guess what? They spend it. Give money to those that don't need it and guess what? They don't spend it. Not in the percentages that we need them to anyway.
Now, there are those that say that trickle up economics is just a bunch of socialist hooey - a hand out to people that don't deserve it and they don't want to see their hard earned tax dollars going to support a bunch of bums and lowlifes that are probably going to blow that money like they've blown any money they've ever had previously.
Funny - those are my exact feelings about giving $700 Billion to Wall Street. I guess it's all about perspective. I'm a contractor. Many times, I'm called in to fix a mess made by someone else, so the last thing I'm going to do is repeat past mistakes. For the homeowner, that would be throwing good money after bad, as the government is about to do with the $700 billion welfare check. No; as a contractor, I look for the easiest solution that is also the most effective, which brings us to Mr. Occam (who was not, to my knowledge, a contractor, but I like the way he thinks anyway).
Occam's Razor is a theory that says essentially, "All other things being equal, the simplest solution is the best." I can think of no better simple solution to our current financial woes than simply giving US more money to spend. And here; I'll make it even simpler -
For one year, anyone making less than $150,000 a year doesn't have to pay taxes. No state, local, federal, sales, property, school, capital gains, sin or death tax for 365 days.
Crazy? Yeah, sure it is. What's not crazy at the moment? $700 billion to buy us more of the same, industrial chemicals in Chinese milk, Sarah Palin a potential heartbeat from the presidency - Hell, Crazy is the word of the day around here lately.
So Barney, Nancy, Benny, Henry - Think about my bailout plan, wouldja? I know it wouldn't solve everything, but it would sure make a lot of us a lot happier.Later.
Sunday, September 14, 2008
Back To School
Well, I'm back from summer vacation. I didn't originally intend to take the entire summer off from this blog, and in fact have several posts in my files that I began to write, but never quite got around to finishing. In the coming days, I will be completing those posts that are still relevant and posting them here. Thanks for your patience and for those that have been checking back periodically for signs of life from the Debt Daddy.
In the meantime, I hope you'll join with me in sending prayers and good thoughts to the people who's lives have been turned upside down by Hurricanes Ike and Gustav. And of course, if you can donate anything to the Red Cross, Habitat for Humanity, The Salvation Army or any other relief agency that might be down there, that'd be great as well. I'm sure alot of folks in Texas and Louisiana are gonna need our help.
In addition, over the next couple of weeks, we're going to need to help ourselves a bit more. Ike did a pretty good job of screwing with some of our major oil refineries, and the fear of what effect that might have on our already strained economy is pushing up the price of gas at the pump. We've gotta buckle down and stretch our gas dollars further. Only making those car trips that are necessary is the easiest option. Personally, I've been trying to strategize my daily work and errands so I can take care of as many things as possible while at the same time driving as short a distance as I can.
But we should also never forget the power of car pooling and ride sharing. I always used to think that the idea of car pooling first came into being during the Carter Administration, when we were dealing with another fuel crisis, leading to long lines at the pump, only being allowed to buy gas on certain days, etc.
Turns out I was mistaken. I was doing some research for another post, and came across this poster that dates back to World War II. Check it:
So, while many will say that the idea of conservation is just a lot of new fangled, liberal, pinko hooey, let's just remember that it was good enough for the U.S. Government Office of Price Administration in 1943 (of course, that was before the U.S. Government started giving tax credits for buying SUV's, but think about it - we WON World War II, didn't we? Maybe they had the right idea.)
Anyway, that's my thought for today.
Back atcha later.
In the meantime, I hope you'll join with me in sending prayers and good thoughts to the people who's lives have been turned upside down by Hurricanes Ike and Gustav. And of course, if you can donate anything to the Red Cross, Habitat for Humanity, The Salvation Army or any other relief agency that might be down there, that'd be great as well. I'm sure alot of folks in Texas and Louisiana are gonna need our help.
In addition, over the next couple of weeks, we're going to need to help ourselves a bit more. Ike did a pretty good job of screwing with some of our major oil refineries, and the fear of what effect that might have on our already strained economy is pushing up the price of gas at the pump. We've gotta buckle down and stretch our gas dollars further. Only making those car trips that are necessary is the easiest option. Personally, I've been trying to strategize my daily work and errands so I can take care of as many things as possible while at the same time driving as short a distance as I can.
But we should also never forget the power of car pooling and ride sharing. I always used to think that the idea of car pooling first came into being during the Carter Administration, when we were dealing with another fuel crisis, leading to long lines at the pump, only being allowed to buy gas on certain days, etc.
Turns out I was mistaken. I was doing some research for another post, and came across this poster that dates back to World War II. Check it:
So, while many will say that the idea of conservation is just a lot of new fangled, liberal, pinko hooey, let's just remember that it was good enough for the U.S. Government Office of Price Administration in 1943 (of course, that was before the U.S. Government started giving tax credits for buying SUV's, but think about it - we WON World War II, didn't we? Maybe they had the right idea.)
Anyway, that's my thought for today.
Back atcha later.
Friday, June 6, 2008
Cutting Through the Crap
Okay, this post has nothing to do with personal finance - Debt Daddy is going radically off topic (so what else is new).
Let me say this - I never wanted to make this a political blog. That was never my intent and I try to make a decent attempt to keep my own political leanings out of the discussion (all references to Captain Veto aside and hey - you gotta admit - he's kinda earned that title).
But today I stumbled across an entry by David Knowles over at Political Machine with this wonderful video attached, and I had to share it.
Let me say this - I never wanted to make this a political blog. That was never my intent and I try to make a decent attempt to keep my own political leanings out of the discussion (all references to Captain Veto aside and hey - you gotta admit - he's kinda earned that title).
But today I stumbled across an entry by David Knowles over at Political Machine with this wonderful video attached, and I had to share it.
Now, this is not an attempt to get you to vote one way or another. You vote for your guy, I'll vote for mine, and let's hope that whichever guy ends up in the Big Chair doesn't mess things up more than they already are.
But I want the race to be worth something; to be about something. If you came to fight, then fight fair. Sucker punches and swiftboating are for snivelling sissies, and I'd like to believe that both candidates are above that. We actually have two very intelligent adults running for office at the moment, and if they can manage to block out the voices of asinine advisers and pusillanimous pundits and speak their own truth with their own voice, we could have one helluva horse race here. So let's cut out the bullshit right now and get to it.
But I want the race to be worth something; to be about something. If you came to fight, then fight fair. Sucker punches and swiftboating are for snivelling sissies, and I'd like to believe that both candidates are above that. We actually have two very intelligent adults running for office at the moment, and if they can manage to block out the voices of asinine advisers and pusillanimous pundits and speak their own truth with their own voice, we could have one helluva horse race here. So let's cut out the bullshit right now and get to it.
Check it:
Obama: 'Whitey' Video Rumor is Crap
You may have seen the link floating around in our comment section. It leads you to one of many a breathless story, or perhaps a Fox News video clip, where the urgent topic is when we'll be seeing the YouTube file showing Michelle Obama on-stage with Louis Farrakhan lambasting Caucasian America with the term "whitey."
The story goes that tape has been kept under wraps, out of view, for use as the ultimate October surprise, sure to kill Barack's chances faster than Hillary Clinton can say "I told you so." The problem? As with so many slurs against Obama, there's no there there. There is no tape. From Politico:
Sen. Barack Obama on Thursday batted down rumors circulating on the Internet and mentioned on some cable news shows of the existence of a video of his wife using a derogatory term for white people, and criticized a reporter for asking him about the rumor, which has not a shred of evidence to support it.
"We have seen this before. There is dirt and lies that are circulated in e-mails and they pump them out long enough until finally you, a mainstream reporter, asks me about it," Obama said to the McClatchy reporter during a press conference aboard his campaign plane. "That gives legs to the story. If somebody has evidence that myself or Michelle or anybody has said something inappropriate, let them do it."
For the full history of this latest smear, started by a blogger named Larry Johnson, you can go to David Weigel's piece here. Unfortunately, this is part of Obama's task in this election. Calmly shoot down each scurrilous rumor one at a time. Here's a handy comeback that you might e-mail to help address a few of the other misconceptions and slander still floating around:
Obama: 'Whitey' Video Rumor is Crap
You may have seen the link floating around in our comment section. It leads you to one of many a breathless story, or perhaps a Fox News video clip, where the urgent topic is when we'll be seeing the YouTube file showing Michelle Obama on-stage with Louis Farrakhan lambasting Caucasian America with the term "whitey."
The story goes that tape has been kept under wraps, out of view, for use as the ultimate October surprise, sure to kill Barack's chances faster than Hillary Clinton can say "I told you so." The problem? As with so many slurs against Obama, there's no there there. There is no tape. From Politico:
Sen. Barack Obama on Thursday batted down rumors circulating on the Internet and mentioned on some cable news shows of the existence of a video of his wife using a derogatory term for white people, and criticized a reporter for asking him about the rumor, which has not a shred of evidence to support it.
"We have seen this before. There is dirt and lies that are circulated in e-mails and they pump them out long enough until finally you, a mainstream reporter, asks me about it," Obama said to the McClatchy reporter during a press conference aboard his campaign plane. "That gives legs to the story. If somebody has evidence that myself or Michelle or anybody has said something inappropriate, let them do it."
For the full history of this latest smear, started by a blogger named Larry Johnson, you can go to David Weigel's piece here. Unfortunately, this is part of Obama's task in this election. Calmly shoot down each scurrilous rumor one at a time. Here's a handy comeback that you might e-mail to help address a few of the other misconceptions and slander still floating around:
Wednesday, May 28, 2008
Ooooh, I feel a RANT coming on
Okay, so this client of mine has been on me to do these oh-so-ridiculous pesky little chores around her house. She called me in April and I said I would be available around the end of May. I've already done half the crap on her list and would've finished were it not for a day of rainstorms yesterday (I will not do exterior painting in the rain...I know, how utterly unreasonable am I?? What a frigging diva Debt Daddy has become). I call and leave a message to tell her that I will be painting tomorrow since I want the wood to have a day of dry time from the rain, so as long as she leaves the paint on the porch (as she said she would), I'll take care of it in the morning. Well, she calls me at 7:30 in the evening to say that that the paint is in her car, so I can't paint til she gets back on Friday, but did I get the stuff that will always keep her skylight clean (another goofy thing on my list of vital responsibilities)? I said that I would probably be able to do that by Saturday. Her response?
BIG SIGH.
Just FYI, Debt Daddy frigging HATES the Big Sigh. Did I mention that she's calling me from the Hamptons?? I just got done working a 10 hour day, but I didn't get the miracle elixir that makes the skylight magically clean for all eternity, and that makes me fully deserving of the Big Sigh from the retired lady of frigging leisure out in the DAMNED HAMPTONS???
"Why haven't you been able to do that yet?", she asks. "I called you in April; I thought you'd have been able to take care of that by now." I explain that I'm in the middle of three major jobs (this is my nice way of saying that I've got people with much bigger fish to fry than your pathetic SKYLIGHT ISSUE!!!!) She says, "Yes, you told me that in April." Which I did. Guess what - the jobs were bigger than I thought they would be - go figure. I mean, that never happens in contracting, right?? Things always get done on time and under budget, right??? So, I apologize and tell her that I will get it right this second. I get off the phone, drive to Home Depot, find the stuff she's looking for (Rain-X - it's a water repellent for windshields - do not use on plastic - what do you wanna bet her molded skylight is made out of plastic?), buy the paint and primer that I know she already has in her car ('cause I'm not coming back again on frigging Friday), and come home to resume my previously interrupted life, already in progress. I'm gonna go there tomorrow, get all the little crap done, leave a bill and a note telling her to mail me the check. And then I am done with The Leisurely Lady of the Big Sigh.
Am I over reacting? Of course I am - that's pretty obvious, even to the oft obtuse Debt Daddy. It was just the straw that broke the contractors already strained and damaged back. There's a line in the musical Pippin - the king is married to a conniving woman, but she's really hot, so he keeps her around. Anyway, at one point in the show, after she's kind of screwed him over, he says, "I don't know if the fornicating I'm getting is worth the fornicating I'm getting". That's kinda how I feel right about now.
I am probably the best deal in town as home improvement dudes go. I do very good work at a verrrry reasonable rate, I'm honest, I barely, if ever, mark up my materials, and I strive to do my best. This means, more often than not, that I take my time. I don't rush things; I hate seeing slapdash work, and I don't like the idea of having my name on something that's half assed.
So that's problem number one; I take too long. As a result, people of the instant gratification age end up getting impatient and I occasionally hear the Big Sigh. I've even had one client say to me, "I just want to get it over with". Well, hell - why on earth am I even trying to do quality work? Comments like that make me feel down on the whole project - I may as well just go get them an IKEA unit that looks like what I'm building and slap my name on it. Comments like that make me want to just throw the thing together and get it out of my shop...but I can't. I still feel the need to make something that I can be proud of, even at the ridiculously low price that I'm charging.
Which brings me to problem number two - people are frigging cheap. It's not enough that people call me with no real idea of what they actually want done or how they want it done (so I then have to be design consultant, lifestyle coach, psychotherapist and occasionally...dog whisperer (your 200 pound Newfoundland who just crushed my testicles with a lethal headbutt seems to prefer the area by the bay window - why don't we install his mahogany doggie bed there?) - it's not enough that people think I can stop time (we'd like the gazebo over here - the materials will be delivered on Friday and the backyard wedding for my daughter is on Sunday - you can have it built, stained, polyurethaned and decorated by then, right?) Right...and your daughter's wearing white because she's a virgin.
No, that's not enough. On top of all that, they're gonna give me a hard time over my price. There's a line in the movie Michael Clayton - "I am not the guy you kill; I'm the guy you buy. Are you so blind you don't even know what I am?" Well, for me that line would read, "I am not the guy you haggle with - I'm the best buy around (and you know it too, because we both know you didn't call me first); are you so stupid that you're gonna nickel and dime me to death?"
It's pathetic. And I'm sick and tired of dealing with it. Now I know why so many contractors are those type of slapdash, overcharging, not taking the small jobs type of guys - they were made that way by homeowners. I get it.
So what's a guy to do? Cross over to the Dark Side? Become one of those guys? Maybe. It'd be a helluva lot easier, that's for sure. I don't know how much I'd like myself, but at least then the fornicating I'd be getting would be worth the fornicating I'd be getting. It's either that, or change careers.
The restaurant thing is, for now anyway, a bust. It looked like a great opportunity, and it's something I would very much like to do, but my friend Fluffy was pretty much the lynch pin in this particular enterprise, and frankly, his total and complete inaction in taking the very simplest of steps toward making this happen is telling me not to hang my hopes on this star. It's time I came to grips with the fact that Fluffy hasn't the desire, drive or balls to step outside of his comfort zone and take a chance. I really thought that this time he might - he talks about this all the time, and the restaurant thing is totally his gig, but there's this fear of failure on his back that's gonna ride him to his grave, and there's nothing I or anyone else can do about that - that's his shit to deal with, and there ain't no changing that.
So, it's on to something else, although I'm not sure what. I'd ask for suggestions, but reallly - I asked you guys what your favorite comfort food was and you'd think I had assigned you to write a Euclidean haiku about flan. Mac and cheese. There...see? Easy. Cheesecake. Took me all of two seconds to write that one. Don't worry - if comfort food was too much of a strain, I'm not gonna ask you about major career choices.
That's my shit to deal with..and there ain't no changing that.
Thus endeth the rant.
BIG SIGH.
Just FYI, Debt Daddy frigging HATES the Big Sigh. Did I mention that she's calling me from the Hamptons?? I just got done working a 10 hour day, but I didn't get the miracle elixir that makes the skylight magically clean for all eternity, and that makes me fully deserving of the Big Sigh from the retired lady of frigging leisure out in the DAMNED HAMPTONS???
"Why haven't you been able to do that yet?", she asks. "I called you in April; I thought you'd have been able to take care of that by now." I explain that I'm in the middle of three major jobs (this is my nice way of saying that I've got people with much bigger fish to fry than your pathetic SKYLIGHT ISSUE!!!!) She says, "Yes, you told me that in April." Which I did. Guess what - the jobs were bigger than I thought they would be - go figure. I mean, that never happens in contracting, right?? Things always get done on time and under budget, right??? So, I apologize and tell her that I will get it right this second. I get off the phone, drive to Home Depot, find the stuff she's looking for (Rain-X - it's a water repellent for windshields - do not use on plastic - what do you wanna bet her molded skylight is made out of plastic?), buy the paint and primer that I know she already has in her car ('cause I'm not coming back again on frigging Friday), and come home to resume my previously interrupted life, already in progress. I'm gonna go there tomorrow, get all the little crap done, leave a bill and a note telling her to mail me the check. And then I am done with The Leisurely Lady of the Big Sigh.
Am I over reacting? Of course I am - that's pretty obvious, even to the oft obtuse Debt Daddy. It was just the straw that broke the contractors already strained and damaged back. There's a line in the musical Pippin - the king is married to a conniving woman, but she's really hot, so he keeps her around. Anyway, at one point in the show, after she's kind of screwed him over, he says, "I don't know if the fornicating I'm getting is worth the fornicating I'm getting". That's kinda how I feel right about now.
I am probably the best deal in town as home improvement dudes go. I do very good work at a verrrry reasonable rate, I'm honest, I barely, if ever, mark up my materials, and I strive to do my best. This means, more often than not, that I take my time. I don't rush things; I hate seeing slapdash work, and I don't like the idea of having my name on something that's half assed.
So that's problem number one; I take too long. As a result, people of the instant gratification age end up getting impatient and I occasionally hear the Big Sigh. I've even had one client say to me, "I just want to get it over with". Well, hell - why on earth am I even trying to do quality work? Comments like that make me feel down on the whole project - I may as well just go get them an IKEA unit that looks like what I'm building and slap my name on it. Comments like that make me want to just throw the thing together and get it out of my shop...but I can't. I still feel the need to make something that I can be proud of, even at the ridiculously low price that I'm charging.
Which brings me to problem number two - people are frigging cheap. It's not enough that people call me with no real idea of what they actually want done or how they want it done (so I then have to be design consultant, lifestyle coach, psychotherapist and occasionally...dog whisperer (your 200 pound Newfoundland who just crushed my testicles with a lethal headbutt seems to prefer the area by the bay window - why don't we install his mahogany doggie bed there?) - it's not enough that people think I can stop time (we'd like the gazebo over here - the materials will be delivered on Friday and the backyard wedding for my daughter is on Sunday - you can have it built, stained, polyurethaned and decorated by then, right?) Right...and your daughter's wearing white because she's a virgin.
No, that's not enough. On top of all that, they're gonna give me a hard time over my price. There's a line in the movie Michael Clayton - "I am not the guy you kill; I'm the guy you buy. Are you so blind you don't even know what I am?" Well, for me that line would read, "I am not the guy you haggle with - I'm the best buy around (and you know it too, because we both know you didn't call me first); are you so stupid that you're gonna nickel and dime me to death?"
It's pathetic. And I'm sick and tired of dealing with it. Now I know why so many contractors are those type of slapdash, overcharging, not taking the small jobs type of guys - they were made that way by homeowners. I get it.
So what's a guy to do? Cross over to the Dark Side? Become one of those guys? Maybe. It'd be a helluva lot easier, that's for sure. I don't know how much I'd like myself, but at least then the fornicating I'd be getting would be worth the fornicating I'd be getting. It's either that, or change careers.
The restaurant thing is, for now anyway, a bust. It looked like a great opportunity, and it's something I would very much like to do, but my friend Fluffy was pretty much the lynch pin in this particular enterprise, and frankly, his total and complete inaction in taking the very simplest of steps toward making this happen is telling me not to hang my hopes on this star. It's time I came to grips with the fact that Fluffy hasn't the desire, drive or balls to step outside of his comfort zone and take a chance. I really thought that this time he might - he talks about this all the time, and the restaurant thing is totally his gig, but there's this fear of failure on his back that's gonna ride him to his grave, and there's nothing I or anyone else can do about that - that's his shit to deal with, and there ain't no changing that.
So, it's on to something else, although I'm not sure what. I'd ask for suggestions, but reallly - I asked you guys what your favorite comfort food was and you'd think I had assigned you to write a Euclidean haiku about flan. Mac and cheese. There...see? Easy. Cheesecake. Took me all of two seconds to write that one. Don't worry - if comfort food was too much of a strain, I'm not gonna ask you about major career choices.
That's my shit to deal with..and there ain't no changing that.
Thus endeth the rant.
Saturday, May 10, 2008
Sweat the Small Stuff
For want of a nail the shoe was lost.
For want of a shoe the horse was lost,
For want of a horse the rider was lost.
For want of a rider the battle was lost.
For want of a battle the kingdom was lost.
And all for the want of a horseshoe nail.
The first time I saw this, it was on a poster where I worked one of my first jobs. I was much younger then; not yet the tattered, grizzled Debt Daddy you see before you now (oh, that's right - you can't see me - well, be thankful for that. There are days where I look like the love child of Jerry Seinfeld and Tommy Lee Jones - and this is definitely one of those days - heavy on the Tommy).
Turns out the verse started it's existence as a nursery rhyme, and was later used by Ben Franklin in his "Poor Richard's Almanac" series. I always liked it. Kinda makes me feel like every bit of a thing is important, like little things mean a lot, like God is in the details, like a person's a person no matter how small - oh crap - I've fallen into a platitude loop and I can't get out. Gotta clear my mind - quick - what would Captain Veto say?
"Uhhhhhh........"
Okay, I'm better now. Whew, that was close. Ya just gotta love that Captain Veto - someone once told him to clear his mind and he never bothered to fill it back up again. He's a fine example of the power of vacuous thinking.
But I digress. Silliness aside, all of the above mentioned sayings are basically true. That's why, when I hear phrases like "acceptable losses" said with about as much emotion as one might use to pass gas, it just gets my panties in a bunge. Acceptable to whom? Eminent Domain laws can take a person's property and build a freeway where it once stood. Entire forests can be mowed down in order to erect yet another unnecessary McMansion development. Thousands of people can be laid off without a moments notice to strengthen a corporate bottom line. And of course, countless lives, both military and civilian are destroyed when countries go to war.
To some, these are "Acceptable Losses". These losses serve the "Greater Good". That's what we always hear - and back in the day when "greater good" meant the good of the country or the world as a whole, I could begrudgingly accept that losses would occur and that maybe the ends justify the means. But I think the powers that be have decided that "The Greater Good" now means quite a different thing. I imagine that the top politicians and corporate heads of business see themselves as the Greater Good, simply because, in their estimation, they are greater than everyone else (and gooder too, Captain Veto might say). And, if that's the mindset, then everyone and everything else becomes expendable.
In my opinion, that's the reason for this whole financial, environmental and geopolitical shit storm we're in right now. Just a bunch of greedy dudes getting greedier. They just don't care. People starving, people dying for oil, people losing their homes - hey that's cool - just make sure my seven figure bonus check is in my mailbox, k? Un Frigging believable.
Yeah, in case you hadn't already figured it out, Debt Daddy is a liberal. I hope that doesn't bother anyone. If it does, well, I really don't care. Those powers that be have tried to turn liberal into a nasty word - something to be embarrassed about. Should I feel that way? Let's ask Webster.
Liberal - defined by Webster as generous and broad minded. Liberals, as one would imagine, practice liberalism which is defined as believing in progress, the essential goodness of the human race, the autonomy of the individual and standing for the protection of political and civil liberties.
So, should I be embarrassed by that? Nah...by that definition, Jesus was a liberal. So was Gandhi. Hell, by that definition, Superman was a liberal. I'm in some pretty cool company.
In the coming months, you're gonna hear a lot of folks trying to use the word "liberal" as a derogatory term. When they do, I hope you'll think back on this post and take what they're saying with a grain of salt.
Whether they like it or not, we're all in this together. The shoe, the horse, the rider, the battle, even the kingdom ain't worth a hill of beans without that nail.
And the term "Acceptable Losses"? Well, that's just Unacceptable.
Peace.
Friday, May 9, 2008
You Wanna Do WHAT??
I've gone off the deep end.
I want to open a restaurant.
I know, I know.....Debt Daddy is insanity personified. He's already got so much work going on that there needs to be a scheduled appointment for sleep, absolutely NO working capital to speak of, and he's talking about going into a business with a fairly abysmal success rate. Yes, in this venture, the odds are stacked squarely against our hero.
Given my history, that seems to be exactly the way I like them.
So, what do I have? Grand Illusions (or is it delusions? Right either way, I guess). I have a vision, building in the back of my brain, of not just a restaurant, but more of a theatrical experience...with food.
The food in question is what can only be described as "comfort food". However, that means different things to different people. So, I ask you - what's your favorite comfort food? What's that special something you like to eat that makes you feel all warm and cozy and makes a crappy day seem not so crappy?
Please, please respond to this question. There are no wrong answers, there will not be a quiz, you can even post anonymously if you like. However, if you do include your name, and the food you mention makes it onto the menu, there's a good chance we'll name that dish after you. So quick! Comment now! Immortality on a menu might be only a few short keystrokes away!
I want to open a restaurant.
I know, I know.....Debt Daddy is insanity personified. He's already got so much work going on that there needs to be a scheduled appointment for sleep, absolutely NO working capital to speak of, and he's talking about going into a business with a fairly abysmal success rate. Yes, in this venture, the odds are stacked squarely against our hero.
Given my history, that seems to be exactly the way I like them.
So, what do I have? Grand Illusions (or is it delusions? Right either way, I guess). I have a vision, building in the back of my brain, of not just a restaurant, but more of a theatrical experience...with food.
The food in question is what can only be described as "comfort food". However, that means different things to different people. So, I ask you - what's your favorite comfort food? What's that special something you like to eat that makes you feel all warm and cozy and makes a crappy day seem not so crappy?
Please, please respond to this question. There are no wrong answers, there will not be a quiz, you can even post anonymously if you like. However, if you do include your name, and the food you mention makes it onto the menu, there's a good chance we'll name that dish after you. So quick! Comment now! Immortality on a menu might be only a few short keystrokes away!
Thursday, April 24, 2008
Do you know about Tyler Durden?
NOTE: This post deals with the movie "Fight Club". If you have not seen this movie, please see it. Debt Daddy gives it two enthusiastic thumbs up. If, like a friend of mine, you didn't see this film because you don't like movies about fighting, let me fill you in - Fight Club is about a whole lot more than fighting. In fact, IMHO, fighting is probably the least important part of the flick.
"Do you know about Tyler Durden?"
Meat Loaf says this line to Edward Norton in the movie, "Fight Club". Tyler Durden, played by Brad Pitt (Brad Pitt, organizer of the Make it Right foundation, rebuilding the lower 9th ward in New Orleans - http://www.makeitrightnola.org/ - please donate), is a larger than life, in your face character who takes the rules and constructs of society and turns them upside down to suit his needs and desires. It is Tyler Durden who, with the help of Edward Norton's character, starts Fight Club and, throughout the film, brings a large network of people around to his way of thinking. He does this by yanking them out of their comfort zone, shaking them out of their complacency and making them realize that you are not defined by your job, or your condo, or your IKEA living room set.
Tyler Durden recreates the world in his own image. When Debt Daddy grows up, he wants to be Tyler Durden.
When I first considered blogging about "Fight Club", my emphasis was going to be on how Tyler and his group dealt with the outside world. One of the best lines in the movie is where Tyler says to the Police Commissioner (who is at that moment, being held down on a bathroom floor with a knife pressed up against his family jewels - always a motivation to listen), "Look, the people you are after are the people you depend on. We cook your meals, we haul your trash, we connect your calls, we drive your ambulances. We guard you while you sleep.
Do not... fuck with us."
To me, that pretty much sums up the current financial situation in our country. The Richies keep going after the Average Joe, taking his money, outsourcing his job to India, foreclosing on his house - all the while blind to the fact that Joe and the rest of the Average world keep the trains running on time. Now, with the housing market, GDP and consumer confidence in a tailspin, I think they might finally be starting to realize that yes - if you push us too far, it will cause those on the top to suffer as well. Indeed, best not to "fuck with us".
So, that was going to be the gist of this entry. But then I started thinking about Tyler Durden himself. Throughout this film, Tyler challenges our basic assumptions about our daily lives and the world in which we live. Not simply, "Are we winning in the game of Life?" which we regularly ask ourselves, but instead, "What does winning this particular game mean? Who made up the rules to this game? Why do we follow them? Is this really the game we want to be playing, in the way we're playing it?"
Tyler says, "The things you own end up owning you." If you're still paying 19% interest on that solar powered hot dog rotisserie and bun warmer that you just had to have, you know this is true.
Tyler says, "Reject the basic assumptions of civilization, especially the importance of material possessions." Why? See the above quote.
Tyler says, "You have to know the answer to this question! If you died right now, how would you feel about your life?" Socrates once said, "the unexamined life is not worth living", yet most of us think of this self examination in much the same way that we might think about a colonoscopy - a big pain in the ass is the main thought. But, like a colonoscopy, we're also secretly afraid of what we might find. Fear aside, it's worth thinking about.
And here's a quote attributed to Tyler that I honestly don't remember ever hearing in the movie, but it spoke to me:
"Warning: If you are reading this then this warning is for you. Every word you read of this useless fine print is another second off your life. Don't you have other things to do? Is your life so empty that you honestly can't think of a better way to spend these moments? Or are you so impressed with authority that you give respect and credence to all that claim it? Do you read everything you're supposed to read? Do you think every thing you're supposed to think? Buy what you're told to want? Get out of your apartment. Meet a member of the opposite sex. Stop the excessive shopping and masturbation. Quit your job. Start a fight. Prove you're alive. If you don't claim your humanity you will become a statistic. You have been warned- Tyler. "
Do you know about Tyler Durden?
"Do you know about Tyler Durden?"
Meat Loaf says this line to Edward Norton in the movie, "Fight Club". Tyler Durden, played by Brad Pitt (Brad Pitt, organizer of the Make it Right foundation, rebuilding the lower 9th ward in New Orleans - http://www.makeitrightnola.org/ - please donate), is a larger than life, in your face character who takes the rules and constructs of society and turns them upside down to suit his needs and desires. It is Tyler Durden who, with the help of Edward Norton's character, starts Fight Club and, throughout the film, brings a large network of people around to his way of thinking. He does this by yanking them out of their comfort zone, shaking them out of their complacency and making them realize that you are not defined by your job, or your condo, or your IKEA living room set.
Tyler Durden recreates the world in his own image. When Debt Daddy grows up, he wants to be Tyler Durden.
When I first considered blogging about "Fight Club", my emphasis was going to be on how Tyler and his group dealt with the outside world. One of the best lines in the movie is where Tyler says to the Police Commissioner (who is at that moment, being held down on a bathroom floor with a knife pressed up against his family jewels - always a motivation to listen), "Look, the people you are after are the people you depend on. We cook your meals, we haul your trash, we connect your calls, we drive your ambulances. We guard you while you sleep.
Do not... fuck with us."
To me, that pretty much sums up the current financial situation in our country. The Richies keep going after the Average Joe, taking his money, outsourcing his job to India, foreclosing on his house - all the while blind to the fact that Joe and the rest of the Average world keep the trains running on time. Now, with the housing market, GDP and consumer confidence in a tailspin, I think they might finally be starting to realize that yes - if you push us too far, it will cause those on the top to suffer as well. Indeed, best not to "fuck with us".
So, that was going to be the gist of this entry. But then I started thinking about Tyler Durden himself. Throughout this film, Tyler challenges our basic assumptions about our daily lives and the world in which we live. Not simply, "Are we winning in the game of Life?" which we regularly ask ourselves, but instead, "What does winning this particular game mean? Who made up the rules to this game? Why do we follow them? Is this really the game we want to be playing, in the way we're playing it?"
Tyler says, "The things you own end up owning you." If you're still paying 19% interest on that solar powered hot dog rotisserie and bun warmer that you just had to have, you know this is true.
Tyler says, "Reject the basic assumptions of civilization, especially the importance of material possessions." Why? See the above quote.
Tyler says, "You have to know the answer to this question! If you died right now, how would you feel about your life?" Socrates once said, "the unexamined life is not worth living", yet most of us think of this self examination in much the same way that we might think about a colonoscopy - a big pain in the ass is the main thought. But, like a colonoscopy, we're also secretly afraid of what we might find. Fear aside, it's worth thinking about.
And here's a quote attributed to Tyler that I honestly don't remember ever hearing in the movie, but it spoke to me:
"Warning: If you are reading this then this warning is for you. Every word you read of this useless fine print is another second off your life. Don't you have other things to do? Is your life so empty that you honestly can't think of a better way to spend these moments? Or are you so impressed with authority that you give respect and credence to all that claim it? Do you read everything you're supposed to read? Do you think every thing you're supposed to think? Buy what you're told to want? Get out of your apartment. Meet a member of the opposite sex. Stop the excessive shopping and masturbation. Quit your job. Start a fight. Prove you're alive. If you don't claim your humanity you will become a statistic. You have been warned- Tyler. "
Do you know about Tyler Durden?
Tuesday, April 22, 2008
My Drag Name? Ann O. Nymity
I think Drag Queens are great.
I'm sure most of you know what I'm talking about, but for those who don't, drag queens are female impersonators - male performers that present the illusion of being female onstage, usually in a larger than life way (think RuPaul's friends - RuPaul herself is no longer a drag queen in my opinion - she has now attained "Icon" status).
Why do I think they're great? I couldn't really tell you - it's just a fascination. As a former actor myself, I know how much work goes into preparing for a role, but most roles that an actor might play are at least based on his current or "active" gender. FI's (female impersonators) don't have that as a foundation on which to build. They must construct their characters, their physical forms, their presentation from the ground up - and that takes work. And then of course, they need a name.
Here's how non-performers (people not of the stage) pick a drag name - you take the name of your first pet growing up as your first name, and the name of the street where you first lived as your last name which, in my case would make me "Dutchess Harrison". That ain't half bad as a drag name. My friend "Scruffy 23rd Street" didn't fare so well. As I said, this is the non-performer, fun little cocktail party way of coming up with a drag name.
Real performers, people who actually do perform as drag queens - well, they go about it a completely different way. Their names by and large are a turn of a phrase, usually telling and almost always funny. Dusty Britches, Charity Case, Candy Cayne, Summer Luvvin, Anita Mann, Amanda Love - this is just a small sampling of drag monikers that you might hear being announced at many bars and clubs across the country.
Using this method, I would name myself Ann O. Nymity. Or perhaps her dear next door neighbor Ann Onymous. Either way, you get the point. You don't know me; I could be anyone. I could be your neighbor, your gas man, your son's fifth grade music teacher - you just don't know.
At first, that was cool. I really enjoyed creating the Debt Daddy alter ego - that mythic man of mystery who's shower is only a passing acquaintance - but then I got to thinking; why do I need a "secret identity"? Most of my friends don't even know that this blog exists, and I find myself biting my tongue sometimes not to tell them. Why? The obvious reason, of course, is that I'm more than a little embarrassed by my fiscal mis-management, as I'm sure some other debt bloggers are. We messed up somewhere along the line, didn't get a handle on it, and let things spin out of control. Now we hang our heads in shame, not just because we're not the millionaires that our younger selves knew we would be by this age, but also because we're so far behind that it seems like we my never be. We knew when we were young that the term "working poor" would never come close to describing us and yet, here we sit, blogging in secrecy about it.
The thing is, I really don't think we're the minority here. I think there are a lot more people in the same boat that are also too embarrassed to talk openly about it, and so don't. We are the silent majority.
I think it's about time we got loud. I think it's time for us to come out of the closet. Not because we're proud of our debt, but because there is strength in numbers. We need to talk openly with our friends and neighbors about debt and see if they have thoughts or ideas on dealing with it that hadn't occurred to us, and share our ideas with them. We need to write Congress and Captain Veto often and insist that they pass legislation that might actually benefit us during this time of financial difficulty. We need to call our credit card companies on a regular basis and consistently request lower interest rates, perhaps by threatening default. And we have to urge as many people as we can to do the same. We need to be out and proud, not about the debt we incurred, but about the positive steps we are taking to make things better.
Having said that, I guess it's only fair that I tell you who I really am. It's time to unveil the identity of the man with the enormous debt that struggles each and every day to keep his financial boat afloat. So, who am I?
I am your neighbor.
I am your gas man.
I am your son's fifth grade music teacher.
I am a drag queen.
I am the majority. And so are you.
Tell a friend.
I'm sure most of you know what I'm talking about, but for those who don't, drag queens are female impersonators - male performers that present the illusion of being female onstage, usually in a larger than life way (think RuPaul's friends - RuPaul herself is no longer a drag queen in my opinion - she has now attained "Icon" status).
Why do I think they're great? I couldn't really tell you - it's just a fascination. As a former actor myself, I know how much work goes into preparing for a role, but most roles that an actor might play are at least based on his current or "active" gender. FI's (female impersonators) don't have that as a foundation on which to build. They must construct their characters, their physical forms, their presentation from the ground up - and that takes work. And then of course, they need a name.
Here's how non-performers (people not of the stage) pick a drag name - you take the name of your first pet growing up as your first name, and the name of the street where you first lived as your last name which, in my case would make me "Dutchess Harrison". That ain't half bad as a drag name. My friend "Scruffy 23rd Street" didn't fare so well. As I said, this is the non-performer, fun little cocktail party way of coming up with a drag name.
Real performers, people who actually do perform as drag queens - well, they go about it a completely different way. Their names by and large are a turn of a phrase, usually telling and almost always funny. Dusty Britches, Charity Case, Candy Cayne, Summer Luvvin, Anita Mann, Amanda Love - this is just a small sampling of drag monikers that you might hear being announced at many bars and clubs across the country.
Using this method, I would name myself Ann O. Nymity. Or perhaps her dear next door neighbor Ann Onymous. Either way, you get the point. You don't know me; I could be anyone. I could be your neighbor, your gas man, your son's fifth grade music teacher - you just don't know.
At first, that was cool. I really enjoyed creating the Debt Daddy alter ego - that mythic man of mystery who's shower is only a passing acquaintance - but then I got to thinking; why do I need a "secret identity"? Most of my friends don't even know that this blog exists, and I find myself biting my tongue sometimes not to tell them. Why? The obvious reason, of course, is that I'm more than a little embarrassed by my fiscal mis-management, as I'm sure some other debt bloggers are. We messed up somewhere along the line, didn't get a handle on it, and let things spin out of control. Now we hang our heads in shame, not just because we're not the millionaires that our younger selves knew we would be by this age, but also because we're so far behind that it seems like we my never be. We knew when we were young that the term "working poor" would never come close to describing us and yet, here we sit, blogging in secrecy about it.
The thing is, I really don't think we're the minority here. I think there are a lot more people in the same boat that are also too embarrassed to talk openly about it, and so don't. We are the silent majority.
I think it's about time we got loud. I think it's time for us to come out of the closet. Not because we're proud of our debt, but because there is strength in numbers. We need to talk openly with our friends and neighbors about debt and see if they have thoughts or ideas on dealing with it that hadn't occurred to us, and share our ideas with them. We need to write Congress and Captain Veto often and insist that they pass legislation that might actually benefit us during this time of financial difficulty. We need to call our credit card companies on a regular basis and consistently request lower interest rates, perhaps by threatening default. And we have to urge as many people as we can to do the same. We need to be out and proud, not about the debt we incurred, but about the positive steps we are taking to make things better.
Having said that, I guess it's only fair that I tell you who I really am. It's time to unveil the identity of the man with the enormous debt that struggles each and every day to keep his financial boat afloat. So, who am I?
I am your neighbor.
I am your gas man.
I am your son's fifth grade music teacher.
I am a drag queen.
I am the majority. And so are you.
Tell a friend.
Wednesday, April 9, 2008
Where have I been? Ah...where haven't I been?
I know, I know...it's just been too friggin' long between posts, and you're jonesing just a little bit for the old Debt Daddy, aren't you? C'mon, fess up - you missed the curmudgeonly ramblings of the man also known as He Who Doth Not Bathe Regularly. Yeah, me too. I've missed being around...I've missed organizing my thoughts into some sort of neatly stacked diatribe and tossing it at the computer screen to see what sticks. It's just been a downright fugly bitch of a month for oh so many reasons. I'll get to a few of those in a moment, but first, some shout outs to my peeps - Boyyyyyyyyyyyyy!
Okay, first off, if you don't know my buddy JW over at Need to be Debt Free (see my links on the sidebar), you gotta check him out. He's got some really good content, and seems to find much more time to post than your old good for nuthin' yours truly. A few weeks ago, I hit his site and was pleased to find a link to the entire movie, "Maxed Out". Debt Daddy gives this flick two huge thumbs up - by the end of the film, you just wanna take a credit card company CEO out behind the woodshed and show him the business end of a pitchfork...and not in a good way. Anyway, here's the link - catch it when you can and tell a friend. http://needtobedebtfree.blogspot.com/2008/03/watch-complete-movie-maxed-out.html
Second, to Brian over at Over 40 Debt Weight Loss - hey dude, thanks for missing me, and I'm glad you're picking up what I'm putting down. And while I'm at it, thanks as well to Jeff B for your completely cool comments - it's not every day that Debt Daddy gets called poetic (pathetic, on the other hand - yeah, I hear that pretty much every day - more often than not from that scruffy looking dude in my mirror - what's up with him??) As you can see if you looked around the blog, we don't get a whole lotta comments here in DebtDaddyville, so those I do get I treasure, like a Mantle rookie card or a Hummel (okay, Hummels are those kinda freaky looking miniature porcelain figures, usually featuring children with overly wide eyes. Why does Debt Daddy know about Hummels? True Story - when The Daddy was just a wee lad of 17, his virginity was taken ((okay, okay - I gave it to her happily)) by a hot little 21 year old blonde dancer who we'll call Bambi. Bambi was the stuff that dreams are made of, and she made a lot of my 17 year old dreams come true. And Bambi, hot little vixen that she was, collected Hummels. Now, did you really need to know all that? Nah...I just like to brag about Bambi sometimes.) So thanks for the comments, thanks for coming back, and tell a friend.
Okay, so on to why I haven't been around. Let's start with my computer, which has become quite possessed lately. Apparently, something posing as an Adobe update got into my system and has been multiplying like the price of oil. As a result, I've learned quite a bit about Trojans, AdWare, MalWare, GrayWare - most of which are designed to redirect your browser to places you didn't ask for. It's like Pop Up Hell. As a result, it would sometimes take me up to five minutes just to get to my homepage. Ironically, half the time it would redirect me to non-working websites, so it didn't even do it's job effectively. While I still haven't been able to get it all out of my system, I've found a way to bypass it, so I can do what I need to do and, more importantly, it can't do anything that it wants to do.
And so, I'd like to say something to the inventors of these programs, if any of them are reading this - congratulations. You've created an idiotic, devious little beast that most reasonable people don't want and don't like in the least. You've brought into the world a self important, time wasting hellion that seems to take great pleasure in blocking real progress, only to interrupt with programs that don't work and don't go anywhere. So pat yourself on the back. I mean really - how many people can say they've done that?
Yep, you and Barbara Bush. You're in fine company, bucko.
So, that's one reason I've been AWOL. There are others, and I'll get to them, but not tonight. It's late, I'm tired and I usually use the last hour before sleep to have a mild panic attack and question most of the major decisions I've made in my life (ahhhhhhhh...quality time). I will try to get back here sooner, and on a more regular basis. For all of you who keep dropping by - thanx for hangin' with the Debt Daddy.
You Rock.
Peace Out.
Thursday, February 21, 2008
Making a Living
Yesterday I was loading up my tools after a job and talking with the client. She had spent many years of her life as an opera singer and, as I enjoy singing too, we chat about it often. She asked how my singing was going and I sighed, "Good enough when I actually have the time to do it". She said, "That's the problem with making a living - it leaves very little time for actually living". Lately, I couldn't agree with her more.
I know that we're making progress on the whole debt free triathalon, but it's such incredibly slow progress and it really starts to wear on me sometimes. I've been working more, seeing my family less, and my body seems to be in a constant state of "Ouch". Not that I should complain - my old keggling buddy, Figaro Jones (by far, the coolest alias I've come up with so far - hope you like it, dude) has a job that takes him away from home for about three weeks out of every month and that just sucks to the ninth power. Still, he manages to make it work. Now, logic should dictate that I appreciate my current situation in comparison to Figaro's - I mean sure, my debt's bigger than his (I don't actually know the total household debt load of the Jones home, but I feel pretty confident in saying that I got the biggest damn debt in town - and that is why I am the Debt Daddy, aight? I know - I actually sound proud of my debt - how frigging ridiculous is that? Still, I'm a guy, and guys always want to have the biggest Something - well, this is my "big thing" and I'm running with it.), but at least I get to see my family every night, even if they are asleep when I finally wander in the door. Even so, it can sometimes seem like there's just no end in sight - no end to the debt, no end to the work, no end to the highways travelled in the pursuit of those ends.
One of the more frustrating aspects of driving down that debt reduction superhighway is seeing all the pretty sights along the way and not being able to stop and enjoy them. Sometimes I feel like that kid in the back seat on that dreadfully long cross country drive, pointing out the window every now and then and shouting, "Look Dad! There's Disneyworld! Look Dad! There's FrontierLand! Look Dad! The Circus! CAN WE STOP?? PLEASE?????" Well, you know Dad's answer - "No can do, son - we've got to keep to this road if we're ever gonna make it to where we're going on time". And that's how it feels now with this dreadfully long debt reduction journey - "Look Debt Daddy! That low paying non-union musical you want to perform in! Look Debt Daddy! That beachfront house you want to rent for a weeks vacation! Look Debt Daddy! That day off you want to take and just do nothing!" Debt Daddy grumbles from the front seat; Yeah, yeah kid - I hear ya, but we gotta stay on this road. Tell ya what - at the next rest stop, you can get yourself a happy meal and I'll scrape the bugs off the windshield - that's almost as good as that beach house, right?
Yeah, sure Debt Daddy- and store brand cookies are just as good as the brand name variety. Still, I get the point. If you stop at every attraction along the way, you'll never get to your destination. So, we make due with the occasional rest stop happy meal - you can't do the full scale musical, but you can do the one night staged reading instead. You can't do the beach house, but maybe you can build a treehouse for your kids so they have something fun. Meanwhile, you keep that rubber to the road and try to make sure that crazy car doesn't start going in reverse, rolling back down that hill into debt Hell.
Anyway, it's time for me to get back on that road. I'm sure I'll see you there. Remember to keep that windshield clean, and enjoy those happy meals when they come your way.
I know that we're making progress on the whole debt free triathalon, but it's such incredibly slow progress and it really starts to wear on me sometimes. I've been working more, seeing my family less, and my body seems to be in a constant state of "Ouch". Not that I should complain - my old keggling buddy, Figaro Jones (by far, the coolest alias I've come up with so far - hope you like it, dude) has a job that takes him away from home for about three weeks out of every month and that just sucks to the ninth power. Still, he manages to make it work. Now, logic should dictate that I appreciate my current situation in comparison to Figaro's - I mean sure, my debt's bigger than his (I don't actually know the total household debt load of the Jones home, but I feel pretty confident in saying that I got the biggest damn debt in town - and that is why I am the Debt Daddy, aight? I know - I actually sound proud of my debt - how frigging ridiculous is that? Still, I'm a guy, and guys always want to have the biggest Something - well, this is my "big thing" and I'm running with it.), but at least I get to see my family every night, even if they are asleep when I finally wander in the door. Even so, it can sometimes seem like there's just no end in sight - no end to the debt, no end to the work, no end to the highways travelled in the pursuit of those ends.
One of the more frustrating aspects of driving down that debt reduction superhighway is seeing all the pretty sights along the way and not being able to stop and enjoy them. Sometimes I feel like that kid in the back seat on that dreadfully long cross country drive, pointing out the window every now and then and shouting, "Look Dad! There's Disneyworld! Look Dad! There's FrontierLand! Look Dad! The Circus! CAN WE STOP?? PLEASE?????" Well, you know Dad's answer - "No can do, son - we've got to keep to this road if we're ever gonna make it to where we're going on time". And that's how it feels now with this dreadfully long debt reduction journey - "Look Debt Daddy! That low paying non-union musical you want to perform in! Look Debt Daddy! That beachfront house you want to rent for a weeks vacation! Look Debt Daddy! That day off you want to take and just do nothing!" Debt Daddy grumbles from the front seat; Yeah, yeah kid - I hear ya, but we gotta stay on this road. Tell ya what - at the next rest stop, you can get yourself a happy meal and I'll scrape the bugs off the windshield - that's almost as good as that beach house, right?
Yeah, sure Debt Daddy- and store brand cookies are just as good as the brand name variety. Still, I get the point. If you stop at every attraction along the way, you'll never get to your destination. So, we make due with the occasional rest stop happy meal - you can't do the full scale musical, but you can do the one night staged reading instead. You can't do the beach house, but maybe you can build a treehouse for your kids so they have something fun. Meanwhile, you keep that rubber to the road and try to make sure that crazy car doesn't start going in reverse, rolling back down that hill into debt Hell.
Anyway, it's time for me to get back on that road. I'm sure I'll see you there. Remember to keep that windshield clean, and enjoy those happy meals when they come your way.
Wednesday, January 23, 2008
The Misery Business
A few weeks ago, I was having lunch with my friend Miffy (not his real name, of course - but if you knew him, you'd realize how fitting a name it is), and I was kvetching (from the Yiddish - to complain, to bitch, to moan) about a client and how they were making me nuts. He said, "Well, if misery loves company..." and I stopped him. I said, "No - I don't know who came up with that, but misery does not love company. What does that mean, anyway? If I have a mysterious toe fungus, I would love for you to have a mysterious toe fungus as well? No; misery should not love or even want company unless misery is just a sadistic old so and so."
Upon reflection, I realize that I may have been mistaken.
Misery does love company, but not just any company. It has to be the right company. If I'm getting hit over the head with a hammer, and I'm really not enjoying that very much, would I want my brother, or my wife, or even Miffy to get hit over the head with a hammer as well? Of course not - I don't want them to suffer and it would do me no good anyway. They are the wrong company. However, if the fella smacking my noggin with that mallet were to feel the hammer from my perspective - perhaps if, for every time he hit my head, he had to hit his own head as well with equal force, well then - that is company that I would love. No, not simply love - adore. Because maybe, just maybe, if Crazy Head Hammer Guy feels - actually feels - how much I'm hurting, and it hurts him that much as well - perhaps he will stop the hammering. Maybe he'll turn over a new leaf and become Really Remorseful Aspirin Dispensing Guy instead.
Which brings us to the latest financial markets.
Our beloved Fed Chairman, Ben Bernanke (Bernanke....the most beautiful sound I ever heard...) has been of late the wholesale distributor of aspirin to us in the form of interest rate cuts. Heck, the other day, he was just plain giving it away with a 3/4 point cut in the overnight lending rate. They haven't done something like that in decades. So why now? We've been dealing with financial hardship for quite awhile; why are they acting so aggressively now? Because the folks at the top - the Masters of the Universe - the nasty guys swinging the hammers and trying to knock every last penny out of us - well, they're finally starting to feel the pain as well...and it's about time.
The powers that be are starting to feel what we've been feeling for quite awhile and - surprise, surprise - they don't like it. So here comes dear Mr. Bernanke (They call the wind Bernanke...) with rate cuts and Treasury Secretary Henry Paulson (a far less musical name, unlike Bernanke - Bernanke! Bernanke! One helluva guy!) with the President's great and powerful stimulus package. Ooooooh! Ahhhhhhh! Great and powerful stimulus package!
Yeah - 300 to 600 bucks a piece. You'll get your check in May. And they want us to spend it as fast as humanly possible. With that, and of course some big business tax credits, this package will make everything all better again. Debt Daddy's reaction to this package? Well, in cyber terms, I am ROFLMAOPMPBAGFLSHDGIMNMA! (translated - Rolling On the Floor Laughing My Ass Off, Pissing My Pants,Busting A Gut From Laughing So Hard, Dear God, I May Need Medical Attention). It's ridiculous. It's ludicrous. And it's a prime example of how much Rich America is out of touch with the rest of us. The total rebate for my household will be $1,800, which is a little less than half my monthly mortgage payments. In their scenario, I'm like a crack addict in need of a retail fix and I won't even wait for the check to clear before I run down to the mall and pick up a new flat screen tv, or a new set of 14 carat gold toe rings, or that snazzy cappuccino/espresso/ravioli maker I've had my eye on - it really doesn't matter. In their scenario, I simply can't be rational with money, and will spend it on pretty much anything in order to get that retail rush. Corporate profits will rise, the GDP will appear solvent, and confidence will return to the markets. Blind consumerism will have once again rescued Corporate America and her bloodsucking CEO's, and all will be right with the world. Their world, anyway.
Of course, in my scenario, that's not gonna happen. That money will go where pretty much all my money goes - paying down the debt. I'm hoping that the large majority of Americans do the same. I'm hoping that this stimulus package does absolutely nothing to stimulate the economy because, if it does help, then the country will go back to business as usual, and that's simply unacceptable. Call me un-American if you will, but I've been enjoying the last few months. I enjoy hearing that Bernanke (he's Bernanke...boys, he'll make you happy...yeah, yeah, yeah) has dropped interest rates again....and again....and again. I giggle when I hear mildly panicked radio announcers asking financial experts the same question over and over an over again - "Are we heading for a recession??" - as if we weren't already in one. You and I and most of America - we've been doing the recession mambo for quite awhile - but now these guys are finally starting to hear the music.
Well, welcome to the financial whack-a-mole machine, fellas! How's that hammer feel?
This whole thing is gonna get worse before it gets better. But, ironically enough, worse for them is better for us. If we take that rebate and pay down our debts instead of spending it, they may give us more rebates to "jump-start the economy". If the Richies continue to be scared and run to Bernanke (Beeeeeeeeen - Bernanke when the wind comes sweeping down the plain!) to save them, he'll lower rates again...and again...and again.
And so it goes. It's no day at the beach, but hey - at least now we've got company.
Upon reflection, I realize that I may have been mistaken.
Misery does love company, but not just any company. It has to be the right company. If I'm getting hit over the head with a hammer, and I'm really not enjoying that very much, would I want my brother, or my wife, or even Miffy to get hit over the head with a hammer as well? Of course not - I don't want them to suffer and it would do me no good anyway. They are the wrong company. However, if the fella smacking my noggin with that mallet were to feel the hammer from my perspective - perhaps if, for every time he hit my head, he had to hit his own head as well with equal force, well then - that is company that I would love. No, not simply love - adore. Because maybe, just maybe, if Crazy Head Hammer Guy feels - actually feels - how much I'm hurting, and it hurts him that much as well - perhaps he will stop the hammering. Maybe he'll turn over a new leaf and become Really Remorseful Aspirin Dispensing Guy instead.
Which brings us to the latest financial markets.
Our beloved Fed Chairman, Ben Bernanke (Bernanke....the most beautiful sound I ever heard...) has been of late the wholesale distributor of aspirin to us in the form of interest rate cuts. Heck, the other day, he was just plain giving it away with a 3/4 point cut in the overnight lending rate. They haven't done something like that in decades. So why now? We've been dealing with financial hardship for quite awhile; why are they acting so aggressively now? Because the folks at the top - the Masters of the Universe - the nasty guys swinging the hammers and trying to knock every last penny out of us - well, they're finally starting to feel the pain as well...and it's about time.
The powers that be are starting to feel what we've been feeling for quite awhile and - surprise, surprise - they don't like it. So here comes dear Mr. Bernanke (They call the wind Bernanke...) with rate cuts and Treasury Secretary Henry Paulson (a far less musical name, unlike Bernanke - Bernanke! Bernanke! One helluva guy!) with the President's great and powerful stimulus package. Ooooooh! Ahhhhhhh! Great and powerful stimulus package!
Yeah - 300 to 600 bucks a piece. You'll get your check in May. And they want us to spend it as fast as humanly possible. With that, and of course some big business tax credits, this package will make everything all better again. Debt Daddy's reaction to this package? Well, in cyber terms, I am ROFLMAOPMPBAGFLSHDGIMNMA! (translated - Rolling On the Floor Laughing My Ass Off, Pissing My Pants,Busting A Gut From Laughing So Hard, Dear God, I May Need Medical Attention). It's ridiculous. It's ludicrous. And it's a prime example of how much Rich America is out of touch with the rest of us. The total rebate for my household will be $1,800, which is a little less than half my monthly mortgage payments. In their scenario, I'm like a crack addict in need of a retail fix and I won't even wait for the check to clear before I run down to the mall and pick up a new flat screen tv, or a new set of 14 carat gold toe rings, or that snazzy cappuccino/espresso/ravioli maker I've had my eye on - it really doesn't matter. In their scenario, I simply can't be rational with money, and will spend it on pretty much anything in order to get that retail rush. Corporate profits will rise, the GDP will appear solvent, and confidence will return to the markets. Blind consumerism will have once again rescued Corporate America and her bloodsucking CEO's, and all will be right with the world. Their world, anyway.
Of course, in my scenario, that's not gonna happen. That money will go where pretty much all my money goes - paying down the debt. I'm hoping that the large majority of Americans do the same. I'm hoping that this stimulus package does absolutely nothing to stimulate the economy because, if it does help, then the country will go back to business as usual, and that's simply unacceptable. Call me un-American if you will, but I've been enjoying the last few months. I enjoy hearing that Bernanke (he's Bernanke...boys, he'll make you happy...yeah, yeah, yeah) has dropped interest rates again....and again....and again. I giggle when I hear mildly panicked radio announcers asking financial experts the same question over and over an over again - "Are we heading for a recession??" - as if we weren't already in one. You and I and most of America - we've been doing the recession mambo for quite awhile - but now these guys are finally starting to hear the music.
Well, welcome to the financial whack-a-mole machine, fellas! How's that hammer feel?
This whole thing is gonna get worse before it gets better. But, ironically enough, worse for them is better for us. If we take that rebate and pay down our debts instead of spending it, they may give us more rebates to "jump-start the economy". If the Richies continue to be scared and run to Bernanke (Beeeeeeeeen - Bernanke when the wind comes sweeping down the plain!) to save them, he'll lower rates again...and again...and again.
And so it goes. It's no day at the beach, but hey - at least now we've got company.
Sunday, January 20, 2008
Cents, Scents and Nonsense
You just can't make this stuff up. Well, I guess you could, but why the hell would you even want to?? I heard about this on Bloomberg Radio (a financial radio station) today and could not believe my frigging ears. Check out this article -
Davos Aromas Deodorize Subprime Stench, Charm Dimon, Kissinger
By A. Craig Copetas
Jan. 17 (Bloomberg) -- Truth is, the global economy can sometimes stink.
So the World Economic Forum is targeting the noses of the 2,400 global leaders at the group's 38th annual meeting next week in Davos, Switzerland. Perfume-pumping machines in the main conference halls will spray eight specially created fragrances such as Artemis and Lavender Fields to relieve any unpleasant aromas that settle on delegates, who include Chevron Corp. Chief Executive Officer David O'Reilly, JPMorgan Chase & Co. CEO Jamie Dimon and former U.S. Secretary of State Henry Kissinger.
The creator of eau de Davos is Christophe Laudamiel, a French chemist who is senior perfumer at International Flavors & Fragrances Inc. The New York-based company blends aromas for fashion houses such as Polo Ralph Lauren Corp. and makes the smell that makes a new car smell like a new car.
``WEF called in August and interviewed me for three hours to make sure I wasn't a weirdo,'' says Laudamiel, who earned his chemistry degree at the University of Strasbourg and was the chief ``perfumer creator'' at Procter & Gamble Co. ``The invitation was a surprise. I'm more often asked by women what perfume they should wear to have guys jump them on the street.''
The 38-year-old aroma engineer spent the next six months in his company's labs in Berlin and Manhattan, working with 2,200 vials of potions and secretly constructing ``chords and arpeggios'' of scents to make the WEF perfumes that he says can trigger imagination without words.
The Mission
Laudamiel's mission is to create and circulate aromatic moments that evoke the intimacy of the meeting, while helping delegates solve global calamities against a backdrop of crisis. Paramount among what the WEF's 2008 program portrays as a global ``contagion'' is the fallout from lenders marking down more than $80 billion after a surge in U.S. subprime mortgage defaults.
``The aroma of subprime is an interesting concept, and that's one of the reasons I'm fragrancing the rooms,'' Laudamiel says. ``I want my perfumes to overcome the gloom.''
``It's important we leave sufficient room for the young people involved in the forum to develop seminars like this,'' says Klaus Schwab, the WEF's 69-year-old founder and chairman.
Then, with a smile on his face, Schwab says he has ``no clue'' how the perfume project came together. ``Davos always evokes provocation,'' he says.
The perfuming of Davos is raising some noses.
`Downright Bizarre'
``It's downright bizarre,'' says WEF delegate Bill Margaritis, senior vice president of investor relations at FedEx Corp. ``Traveling at great cost to the Swiss Alps to sniff perfume isn't going to play well back home. The last thing any CEO needs in the current economic environment is to be caught on camera in a ski resort snorting perfume. What is WEF doing, trying to recreate the Oracle of Delphi by releasing vapors on delegates?''
Laudamiel says his Gigabyte perfume -- ``a scent created to inspire high tech and optimism'' -- will revitalize global leaders with ``the fresh electricity of a computer store and the clean aroma of laundry.''
His Happiness fragrance will envelop Kissinger and Dimon as they direct the upper echelons of politics and finance in seminars on ``Military Power in the 21st Century'' and ``The Myths and Realities of Sovereign Wealth Funds.''
And if the electricity it takes to spray Glacier perfume, ``a tribute to the shrinking Arctic ice cap,'' and the 24 pounds of all the scents exceed the carbon-emission reduction units of the Kyoto Protocol on the environment, the forum will calculate the cost overruns and donate the money for the purchase of solar cooking stoves in Yulin, China.
`Foolish'
``I know a lot of people think this is foolish,'' says Toshiko Mori, chairwoman of Harvard University's architecture department and one of the WEF delegates who initiated the perfume project. ``But the global economy is in dire straits and we must improve the quality of human spirits. Perfuming is a powerful tool in a much broader discourse. The fragrances will help us reach economic and political solutions at Davos.''
Perfume historians say there's nothing odd about the deodorization of Davos. ``Royalty of antiquity had perfumers attached to their court, preparing state feasts and entertainments,'' anthropologist Constance Classen says in her 1994 book ``Aroma: The Cultural History of Smell.'' ``Perfume has the power to relieve anxiety, brighten dreams and heal the soul.''
The WEF's aromatherapy policy, spelled out in a working paper titled ``The World Economic Forum Meets the World of Olfaction,'' promises a series of innovative scents concocted from the same ingredients that ``embalmers have always had to gather from around the world, beyond political, cultural and racial boundaries.'' The document says the fragrances will be ``floating in the congress meeting rooms.''
`Mutqqichini'
Laudamiel's signature contribution to the forum is a perfume called Six Continents, to be released in the plenary room at the main Congress Center. ``It's fresh and icy, subtle green notes with yellow fruits drenched in watery elements,'' he says. ``Odors are the building blocks of class hierarchies and political orders.''
Looking up from a test tube in his Berlin lab and running his fingers through a short-cropped Mohawk hair-do, Laudamiel adds: ``The powerful people coming to Davos need aroma.''
As Six Continents and the other perfumes waft across the summit, delegates are supposed to ``mutqqichini,'' an ancient Incan verb used to describe people smelling something together.
Smell Test
Paola Hjelt, the WEF's global leadership fellow in charge of fragrances, says Swiss security officials nonetheless have demanded a smell test before global leaders such as former U.K. Prime Minister Tony Blair and Pakistan President Pervez Musharraf begin mutqqichining when the conference officially opens on Jan. 23.
``The security people don't need to worry'' Hjelt says. ``The point is to make a nice smell.''
Craig Binetti, president of the nutrition and health division at E.I. du Pont de Nemours & Co., isn't so certain. ``Allergic reactions would be a concern,'' Binetti says, serving caution to delegates who might find themselves being doused with the WEF's Magnolia & Sage cologne at the seminar ``If America Sneezes, Does the World Still Catch a Cold?''
Hjelt insists that allergic eruptions aren't an issue. Laudamiel agrees. ``I test all my ingredients on humans,'' he says.
Bob McKee, chief economist at the consulting firm Independent Strategy Ltd. in London, suggests that everyone in Davos should consider bringing gas masks.
Nasal Vigilance
``The global economy smells and perfume won't make it go away,'' McKee says. ``The collapse of the U.S. dollar is a great big green cabbage that has been in the fridge too long: You open the door and still don't know where the stench is coming from. Subprime and the credit crisis? How about the tang of dirty water with overtones of rotten timber scented with wood lice as it drains down a moldy sink?''
McKee says that spritzing WEF's Lavender Fields perfume on NYSE Euronext CEO Duncan Niederauer, who is hosting an afternoon- tea session on ``Regulation and Capital Market Competition,'' might be better employed at ``The Science of Love'' dinner. ``The best the WEF can hope for,'' McKee reckons, ``is a fragrance that will make everyone in Davos start loving each other again.''
Roberto Ascoli, a professional perfumer and president of the French fragrance company Symrise SA, advises nasal vigilance.
``It's yet to be proven that any perfume injected into a room can create an atmosphere for world leaders to solve problems,'' Ascoli says. ``There may be other smells that overpower the perfumes. Anybody in the Congress Center who sweats a lot will immediately destroy the aroma.''
Of course. I can't believe I didn't see it sooner. The value of the dollar sinking to all time lows, mortage defaults getting higher every day and credit card defaults starting to follow - the whole frigging financial construct teetering on the edge of total and utter catastrophe - how can we get out of this?? How can we possibly survive?? WHAT CAN SAVE US FROM COMPLETE ECONOMIC DOOM??????
Aromatherapy.
Brilliant.
Davos Aromas Deodorize Subprime Stench, Charm Dimon, Kissinger
By A. Craig Copetas
Jan. 17 (Bloomberg) -- Truth is, the global economy can sometimes stink.
So the World Economic Forum is targeting the noses of the 2,400 global leaders at the group's 38th annual meeting next week in Davos, Switzerland. Perfume-pumping machines in the main conference halls will spray eight specially created fragrances such as Artemis and Lavender Fields to relieve any unpleasant aromas that settle on delegates, who include Chevron Corp. Chief Executive Officer David O'Reilly, JPMorgan Chase & Co. CEO Jamie Dimon and former U.S. Secretary of State Henry Kissinger.
The creator of eau de Davos is Christophe Laudamiel, a French chemist who is senior perfumer at International Flavors & Fragrances Inc. The New York-based company blends aromas for fashion houses such as Polo Ralph Lauren Corp. and makes the smell that makes a new car smell like a new car.
``WEF called in August and interviewed me for three hours to make sure I wasn't a weirdo,'' says Laudamiel, who earned his chemistry degree at the University of Strasbourg and was the chief ``perfumer creator'' at Procter & Gamble Co. ``The invitation was a surprise. I'm more often asked by women what perfume they should wear to have guys jump them on the street.''
The 38-year-old aroma engineer spent the next six months in his company's labs in Berlin and Manhattan, working with 2,200 vials of potions and secretly constructing ``chords and arpeggios'' of scents to make the WEF perfumes that he says can trigger imagination without words.
The Mission
Laudamiel's mission is to create and circulate aromatic moments that evoke the intimacy of the meeting, while helping delegates solve global calamities against a backdrop of crisis. Paramount among what the WEF's 2008 program portrays as a global ``contagion'' is the fallout from lenders marking down more than $80 billion after a surge in U.S. subprime mortgage defaults.
``The aroma of subprime is an interesting concept, and that's one of the reasons I'm fragrancing the rooms,'' Laudamiel says. ``I want my perfumes to overcome the gloom.''
``It's important we leave sufficient room for the young people involved in the forum to develop seminars like this,'' says Klaus Schwab, the WEF's 69-year-old founder and chairman.
Then, with a smile on his face, Schwab says he has ``no clue'' how the perfume project came together. ``Davos always evokes provocation,'' he says.
The perfuming of Davos is raising some noses.
`Downright Bizarre'
``It's downright bizarre,'' says WEF delegate Bill Margaritis, senior vice president of investor relations at FedEx Corp. ``Traveling at great cost to the Swiss Alps to sniff perfume isn't going to play well back home. The last thing any CEO needs in the current economic environment is to be caught on camera in a ski resort snorting perfume. What is WEF doing, trying to recreate the Oracle of Delphi by releasing vapors on delegates?''
Laudamiel says his Gigabyte perfume -- ``a scent created to inspire high tech and optimism'' -- will revitalize global leaders with ``the fresh electricity of a computer store and the clean aroma of laundry.''
His Happiness fragrance will envelop Kissinger and Dimon as they direct the upper echelons of politics and finance in seminars on ``Military Power in the 21st Century'' and ``The Myths and Realities of Sovereign Wealth Funds.''
And if the electricity it takes to spray Glacier perfume, ``a tribute to the shrinking Arctic ice cap,'' and the 24 pounds of all the scents exceed the carbon-emission reduction units of the Kyoto Protocol on the environment, the forum will calculate the cost overruns and donate the money for the purchase of solar cooking stoves in Yulin, China.
`Foolish'
``I know a lot of people think this is foolish,'' says Toshiko Mori, chairwoman of Harvard University's architecture department and one of the WEF delegates who initiated the perfume project. ``But the global economy is in dire straits and we must improve the quality of human spirits. Perfuming is a powerful tool in a much broader discourse. The fragrances will help us reach economic and political solutions at Davos.''
Perfume historians say there's nothing odd about the deodorization of Davos. ``Royalty of antiquity had perfumers attached to their court, preparing state feasts and entertainments,'' anthropologist Constance Classen says in her 1994 book ``Aroma: The Cultural History of Smell.'' ``Perfume has the power to relieve anxiety, brighten dreams and heal the soul.''
The WEF's aromatherapy policy, spelled out in a working paper titled ``The World Economic Forum Meets the World of Olfaction,'' promises a series of innovative scents concocted from the same ingredients that ``embalmers have always had to gather from around the world, beyond political, cultural and racial boundaries.'' The document says the fragrances will be ``floating in the congress meeting rooms.''
`Mutqqichini'
Laudamiel's signature contribution to the forum is a perfume called Six Continents, to be released in the plenary room at the main Congress Center. ``It's fresh and icy, subtle green notes with yellow fruits drenched in watery elements,'' he says. ``Odors are the building blocks of class hierarchies and political orders.''
Looking up from a test tube in his Berlin lab and running his fingers through a short-cropped Mohawk hair-do, Laudamiel adds: ``The powerful people coming to Davos need aroma.''
As Six Continents and the other perfumes waft across the summit, delegates are supposed to ``mutqqichini,'' an ancient Incan verb used to describe people smelling something together.
Smell Test
Paola Hjelt, the WEF's global leadership fellow in charge of fragrances, says Swiss security officials nonetheless have demanded a smell test before global leaders such as former U.K. Prime Minister Tony Blair and Pakistan President Pervez Musharraf begin mutqqichining when the conference officially opens on Jan. 23.
``The security people don't need to worry'' Hjelt says. ``The point is to make a nice smell.''
Craig Binetti, president of the nutrition and health division at E.I. du Pont de Nemours & Co., isn't so certain. ``Allergic reactions would be a concern,'' Binetti says, serving caution to delegates who might find themselves being doused with the WEF's Magnolia & Sage cologne at the seminar ``If America Sneezes, Does the World Still Catch a Cold?''
Hjelt insists that allergic eruptions aren't an issue. Laudamiel agrees. ``I test all my ingredients on humans,'' he says.
Bob McKee, chief economist at the consulting firm Independent Strategy Ltd. in London, suggests that everyone in Davos should consider bringing gas masks.
Nasal Vigilance
``The global economy smells and perfume won't make it go away,'' McKee says. ``The collapse of the U.S. dollar is a great big green cabbage that has been in the fridge too long: You open the door and still don't know where the stench is coming from. Subprime and the credit crisis? How about the tang of dirty water with overtones of rotten timber scented with wood lice as it drains down a moldy sink?''
McKee says that spritzing WEF's Lavender Fields perfume on NYSE Euronext CEO Duncan Niederauer, who is hosting an afternoon- tea session on ``Regulation and Capital Market Competition,'' might be better employed at ``The Science of Love'' dinner. ``The best the WEF can hope for,'' McKee reckons, ``is a fragrance that will make everyone in Davos start loving each other again.''
Roberto Ascoli, a professional perfumer and president of the French fragrance company Symrise SA, advises nasal vigilance.
``It's yet to be proven that any perfume injected into a room can create an atmosphere for world leaders to solve problems,'' Ascoli says. ``There may be other smells that overpower the perfumes. Anybody in the Congress Center who sweats a lot will immediately destroy the aroma.''
Of course. I can't believe I didn't see it sooner. The value of the dollar sinking to all time lows, mortage defaults getting higher every day and credit card defaults starting to follow - the whole frigging financial construct teetering on the edge of total and utter catastrophe - how can we get out of this?? How can we possibly survive?? WHAT CAN SAVE US FROM COMPLETE ECONOMIC DOOM??????
Aromatherapy.
Brilliant.
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