What's the Square Root of Occam's Razor?

A few days ago, the lovely and talented Debt Mommy forwarded an e-mail to me that has apparently been making "quite the stir" on the Internet as of late. You may have already seen it, but here it is again anyway -


Hi Pals,

I'm against the $85,000,000,000.00 bailout of AIG.

Instead, I'm in favor of giving $85,000,000,000 to America in a We Deserve It Dividend.

To make the math simple, let's assume there are 200,000,000 bonafide U.S. Citizens 18+. Our population is about 301,000,000 +/- counting every man, woman and child. So 200,000,000 might be a fair stab at adults 18 and up.. So divide 200 million adults 18+ into $85 billon that equals $425,000.00. My plan is to give $425,000 to every person 18+ as a We Deserve It Dividend. Of course, it would NOT be tax free. So let's assume a tax rate of 30%. Every individual 18+ has to pay $127,500.00 in taxes. That sends $25,500,000,000 right back to Uncle Sam. But it means that every adult 18+ has $297,500.00 in their pocket. A husband and wife team has $595,000.00.

What would you do with $297,500.00 to $595,000.00 in your family?

Pay off your mortgage - housing crisis solved.

Repay college loans - what a great boost to new grads

Put away money for college - it'll be there

Save in a bank - create money to loan to entrepreneurs.

Buy a new car - create jobs

Invest in the market - capital drives growth

Pay for your parent's medical insurance - health care improves

Enable Deadbeat Dads to come clean - or else

Remember this is for every adult U S Citizen 18+ including the folks who lost their jobs at Lehman Brothers and every other company that is cutting back. And, of course, for those serving in our Armed Forces. If we're going to re-distribute wealth let's really do it...instead of trickling out a puny $1000.00 ("vote buy") economic incentive that is being proposed by one of our candidates for President. If we're going to do an $85 billion bailout, let's bail out every adult U S Citizen 18+! As for AIG - liquidate it. Sell off its parts. Let American General go back to being American General. Sell off the real estate. Let the private sector bargain hunters cut it up and clean it up.

Here's my rationale. We deserve it and AIG doesn't. Sure it's a crazy idea that can "never work." But can you imagine the Coast-To-Coast Block Party! How do you spell Economic Boom? I trust my fellow adult Americans to know how to use the $85 Billion We Deserve It Dividend more than do the geniuses at A IG or in Washington DC. And remember, The Birk plan only really costs $59.5 Billion because $25.5 Billion is returned instantly in taxes to Uncle Sam.

Ahhh...I feel so much better getting that off my chest.


Now, how did you feel reading that? I know when I read it, it definitely struck a chord (actually, several chords - I think they were the opening guitar chords to the U2 hit, "Desire", but I digress.) Who gets the money?? Yeah, that's right, Wall Street losers - WE get the money! Inspired! Brilliant! Fantastic!!

And, unfortunately - Wrong.

If you do the math correctly, as I'm sure some of you already have (I can see Figaro Jones with his calculator right now), you will find that 85 billion divided by 200 million equals $425, not the $425,000 that got the Debt Daddy all hot and bothered. So, the big windfall that the author of this post supposed just won't be blowing our way. The math was flawed; the plan won't work.

And yet, you just have to stop and wonder for a minute - was it really such a crazy idea? Trickle down economics just doesn't seem to be effective, because money, like water, will only trickle down if you allow it to. Those at the top have gone out of their way to ensure that most of the leaks in their giant money cistern have been properly patched and caulked, so very little money is actually trickling anywhere. Why not trickle Up economics instead? It's not my idea - google it and you'll find many proponents of the theory. Give money to those that need it and guess what? They spend it. Give money to those that don't need it and guess what? They don't spend it. Not in the percentages that we need them to anyway.

Now, there are those that say that trickle up economics is just a bunch of socialist hooey - a hand out to people that don't deserve it and they don't want to see their hard earned tax dollars going to support a bunch of bums and lowlifes that are probably going to blow that money like they've blown any money they've ever had previously.

Funny - those are my exact feelings about giving $700 Billion to Wall Street. I guess it's all about perspective. I'm a contractor. Many times, I'm called in to fix a mess made by someone else, so the last thing I'm going to do is repeat past mistakes. For the homeowner, that would be throwing good money after bad, as the government is about to do with the $700 billion welfare check. No; as a contractor, I look for the easiest solution that is also the most effective, which brings us to Mr. Occam (who was not, to my knowledge, a contractor, but I like the way he thinks anyway).

Occam's Razor is a theory that says essentially, "All other things being equal, the simplest solution is the best." I can think of no better simple solution to our current financial woes than simply giving US more money to spend. And here; I'll make it even simpler -


For one year, anyone making less than $150,000 a year doesn't have to pay taxes. No state, local, federal, sales, property, school, capital gains, sin or death tax for 365 days.

Crazy? Yeah, sure it is. What's not crazy at the moment? $700 billion to buy us more of the same, industrial chemicals in Chinese milk, Sarah Palin a potential heartbeat from the presidency - Hell, Crazy is the word of the day around here lately.

So Barney, Nancy, Benny, Henry - Think about my bailout plan, wouldja? I know it wouldn't solve everything, but it would sure make a lot of us a lot happier.

Later.

Back To School

Well, I'm back from summer vacation. I didn't originally intend to take the entire summer off from this blog, and in fact have several posts in my files that I began to write, but never quite got around to finishing. In the coming days, I will be completing those posts that are still relevant and posting them here. Thanks for your patience and for those that have been checking back periodically for signs of life from the Debt Daddy.

In the meantime, I hope you'll join with me in sending prayers and good thoughts to the people who's lives have been turned upside down by Hurricanes Ike and Gustav. And of course, if you can donate anything to the Red Cross, Habitat for Humanity, The Salvation Army or any other relief agency that might be down there, that'd be great as well. I'm sure alot of folks in Texas and Louisiana are gonna need our help.

In addition, over the next couple of weeks, we're going to need to help ourselves a bit more. Ike did a pretty good job of screwing with some of our major oil refineries, and the fear of what effect that might have on our already strained economy is pushing up the price of gas at the pump. We've gotta buckle down and stretch our gas dollars further. Only making those car trips that are necessary is the easiest option. Personally, I've been trying to strategize my daily work and errands so I can take care of as many things as possible while at the same time driving as short a distance as I can.

But we should also never forget the power of car pooling and ride sharing. I always used to think that the idea of car pooling first came into being during the Carter Administration, when we were dealing with another fuel crisis, leading to long lines at the pump, only being allowed to buy gas on certain days, etc.

Turns out I was mistaken. I was doing some research for another post, and came across this poster that dates back to World War II. Check it:




So, while many will say that the idea of conservation is just a lot of new fangled, liberal, pinko hooey, let's just remember that it was good enough for the U.S. Government Office of Price Administration in 1943 (of course, that was before the U.S. Government started giving tax credits for buying SUV's, but think about it - we WON World War II, didn't we? Maybe they had the right idea.)

Anyway, that's my thought for today.

Back atcha later.

Cutting Through the Crap

Okay, this post has nothing to do with personal finance - Debt Daddy is going radically off topic (so what else is new).

Let me say this - I never wanted to make this a political blog. That was never my intent and I try to make a decent attempt to keep my own political leanings out of the discussion (all references to Captain Veto aside and hey - you gotta admit - he's kinda earned that title).

But today I stumbled across an entry by David Knowles over at Political Machine with this wonderful video attached, and I had to share it.

Now, this is not an attempt to get you to vote one way or another. You vote for your guy, I'll vote for mine, and let's hope that whichever guy ends up in the Big Chair doesn't mess things up more than they already are.

But I want the race to be worth something; to be about something. If you came to fight, then fight fair. Sucker punches and swiftboating are for snivelling sissies, and I'd like to believe that both candidates are above that. We actually have two very intelligent adults running for office at the moment, and if they can manage to block out the voices of asinine advisers and pusillanimous pundits and speak their own truth with their own voice, we could have one helluva horse race here. So let's cut out the bullshit right now and get to it.

Check it:

Obama: 'Whitey' Video Rumor is Crap

You may have seen the link floating around in our comment section. It leads you to one of many a breathless story, or perhaps a Fox News video clip, where the urgent topic is when we'll be seeing the YouTube file showing Michelle Obama on-stage with Louis Farrakhan lambasting Caucasian America with the term "whitey."

The story goes that tape has been kept under wraps, out of view, for use as the ultimate October surprise, sure to kill Barack's chances faster than Hillary Clinton can say "I told you so." The problem? As with so many slurs against Obama, there's no there there. There is no tape. From Politico:


Sen. Barack Obama on Thursday batted down rumors circulating on the Internet and mentioned on some cable news shows of the existence of a video of his wife using a derogatory term for white people, and criticized a reporter for asking him about the rumor, which has not a shred of evidence to support it.

"We have seen this before. There is dirt and lies that are circulated in e-mails and they pump them out long enough until finally you, a mainstream reporter, asks me about it," Obama said to the McClatchy reporter during a press conference aboard his campaign plane. "That gives legs to the story. If somebody has evidence that myself or Michelle or anybody has said something inappropriate, let them do it."


For the full history of this latest smear, started by a blogger named Larry Johnson, you can go to David Weigel's piece here. Unfortunately, this is part of Obama's task in this election. Calmly shoot down each scurrilous rumor one at a time. Here's a handy comeback that you might e-mail to help address a few of the other misconceptions and slander still floating around:

Ooooh, I feel a RANT coming on

Okay, so this client of mine has been on me to do these oh-so-ridiculous pesky little chores around her house. She called me in April and I said I would be available around the end of May. I've already done half the crap on her list and would've finished were it not for a day of rainstorms yesterday (I will not do exterior painting in the rain...I know, how utterly unreasonable am I?? What a frigging diva Debt Daddy has become). I call and leave a message to tell her that I will be painting tomorrow since I want the wood to have a day of dry time from the rain, so as long as she leaves the paint on the porch (as she said she would), I'll take care of it in the morning. Well, she calls me at 7:30 in the evening to say that that the paint is in her car, so I can't paint til she gets back on Friday, but did I get the stuff that will always keep her skylight clean (another goofy thing on my list of vital responsibilities)? I said that I would probably be able to do that by Saturday. Her response?

BIG SIGH.

Just FYI, Debt Daddy frigging HATES the Big Sigh. Did I mention that she's calling me from the Hamptons?? I just got done working a 10 hour day, but I didn't get the miracle elixir that makes the skylight magically clean for all eternity, and that makes me fully deserving of the Big Sigh from the retired lady of frigging leisure out in the DAMNED HAMPTONS???

"Why haven't you been able to do that yet?", she asks. "I called you in April; I thought you'd have been able to take care of that by now." I explain that I'm in the middle of three major jobs (this is my nice way of saying that I've got people with much bigger fish to fry than your pathetic SKYLIGHT ISSUE!!!!) She says, "Yes, you told me that in April." Which I did. Guess what - the jobs were bigger than I thought they would be - go figure. I mean, that never happens in contracting, right?? Things always get done on time and under budget, right??? So, I apologize and tell her that I will get it right this second. I get off the phone, drive to Home Depot, find the stuff she's looking for (Rain-X - it's a water repellent for windshields - do not use on plastic - what do you wanna bet her molded skylight is made out of plastic?), buy the paint and primer that I know she already has in her car ('cause I'm not coming back again on frigging Friday), and come home to resume my previously interrupted life, already in progress. I'm gonna go there tomorrow, get all the little crap done, leave a bill and a note telling her to mail me the check. And then I am done with The Leisurely Lady of the Big Sigh.

Am I over reacting? Of course I am - that's pretty obvious, even to the oft obtuse Debt Daddy. It was just the straw that broke the contractors already strained and damaged back. There's a line in the musical Pippin - the king is married to a conniving woman, but she's really hot, so he keeps her around. Anyway, at one point in the show, after she's kind of screwed him over, he says, "I don't know if the fornicating I'm getting is worth the fornicating I'm getting". That's kinda how I feel right about now.

I am probably the best deal in town as home improvement dudes go. I do very good work at a verrrry reasonable rate, I'm honest, I barely, if ever, mark up my materials, and I strive to do my best. This means, more often than not, that I take my time. I don't rush things; I hate seeing slapdash work, and I don't like the idea of having my name on something that's half assed.

So that's problem number one; I take too long. As a result, people of the instant gratification age end up getting impatient and I occasionally hear the Big Sigh. I've even had one client say to me, "I just want to get it over with". Well, hell - why on earth am I even trying to do quality work? Comments like that make me feel down on the whole project - I may as well just go get them an IKEA unit that looks like what I'm building and slap my name on it. Comments like that make me want to just throw the thing together and get it out of my shop...but I can't. I still feel the need to make something that I can be proud of, even at the ridiculously low price that I'm charging.

Which brings me to problem number two - people are frigging cheap. It's not enough that people call me with no real idea of what they actually want done or how they want it done (so I then have to be design consultant, lifestyle coach, psychotherapist and occasionally...dog whisperer (your 200 pound Newfoundland who just crushed my testicles with a lethal headbutt seems to prefer the area by the bay window - why don't we install his mahogany doggie bed there?) - it's not enough that people think I can stop time (we'd like the gazebo over here - the materials will be delivered on Friday and the backyard wedding for my daughter is on Sunday - you can have it built, stained, polyurethaned and decorated by then, right?) Right...and your daughter's wearing white because she's a virgin.

No, that's not enough. On top of all that, they're gonna give me a hard time over my price. There's a line in the movie Michael Clayton - "I am not the guy you kill; I'm the guy you buy. Are you so blind you don't even know what I am?" Well, for me that line would read, "I am not the guy you haggle with - I'm the best buy around (and you know it too, because we both know you didn't call me first); are you so stupid that you're gonna nickel and dime me to death?"

It's pathetic. And I'm sick and tired of dealing with it. Now I know why so many contractors are those type of slapdash, overcharging, not taking the small jobs type of guys - they were made that way by homeowners. I get it.

So what's a guy to do? Cross over to the Dark Side? Become one of those guys? Maybe. It'd be a helluva lot easier, that's for sure. I don't know how much I'd like myself, but at least then the fornicating I'd be getting would be worth the fornicating I'd be getting. It's either that, or change careers.

The restaurant thing is, for now anyway, a bust. It looked like a great opportunity, and it's something I would very much like to do, but my friend Fluffy was pretty much the lynch pin in this particular enterprise, and frankly, his total and complete inaction in taking the very simplest of steps toward making this happen is telling me not to hang my hopes on this star. It's time I came to grips with the fact that Fluffy hasn't the desire, drive or balls to step outside of his comfort zone and take a chance. I really thought that this time he might - he talks about this all the time, and the restaurant thing is totally his gig, but there's this fear of failure on his back that's gonna ride him to his grave, and there's nothing I or anyone else can do about that - that's his shit to deal with, and there ain't no changing that.

So, it's on to something else, although I'm not sure what. I'd ask for suggestions, but reallly - I asked you guys what your favorite comfort food was and you'd think I had assigned you to write a Euclidean haiku about flan. Mac and cheese. There...see? Easy. Cheesecake. Took me all of two seconds to write that one. Don't worry - if comfort food was too much of a strain, I'm not gonna ask you about major career choices.

That's my shit to deal with..and there ain't no changing that.

Thus endeth the rant.

Sweat the Small Stuff

For want of a nail the shoe was lost.

For want of a shoe the horse was lost,

For want of a horse the rider was lost.

For want of a rider the battle was lost.

For want of a battle the kingdom was lost.

And all for the want of a horseshoe nail.

The first time I saw this, it was on a poster where I worked one of my first jobs. I was much younger then; not yet the tattered, grizzled Debt Daddy you see before you now (oh, that's right - you can't see me - well, be thankful for that. There are days where I look like the love child of Jerry Seinfeld and Tommy Lee Jones - and this is definitely one of those days - heavy on the Tommy).

Turns out the verse started it's existence as a nursery rhyme, and was later used by Ben Franklin in his "Poor Richard's Almanac" series. I always liked it. Kinda makes me feel like every bit of a thing is important, like little things mean a lot, like God is in the details, like a person's a person no matter how small - oh crap - I've fallen into a platitude loop and I can't get out. Gotta clear my mind - quick - what would Captain Veto say?

"Uhhhhhh........"

Okay, I'm better now. Whew, that was close. Ya just gotta love that Captain Veto - someone once told him to clear his mind and he never bothered to fill it back up again. He's a fine example of the power of vacuous thinking.

But I digress. Silliness aside, all of the above mentioned sayings are basically true. That's why, when I hear phrases like "acceptable losses" said with about as much emotion as one might use to pass gas, it just gets my panties in a bunge. Acceptable to whom? Eminent Domain laws can take a person's property and build a freeway where it once stood. Entire forests can be mowed down in order to erect yet another unnecessary McMansion development. Thousands of people can be laid off without a moments notice to strengthen a corporate bottom line. And of course, countless lives, both military and civilian are destroyed when countries go to war.

To some, these are "Acceptable Losses". These losses serve the "Greater Good". That's what we always hear - and back in the day when "greater good" meant the good of the country or the world as a whole, I could begrudgingly accept that losses would occur and that maybe the ends justify the means. But I think the powers that be have decided that "The Greater Good" now means quite a different thing. I imagine that the top politicians and corporate heads of business see themselves as the Greater Good, simply because, in their estimation, they are greater than everyone else (and gooder too, Captain Veto might say). And, if that's the mindset, then everyone and everything else becomes expendable.

In my opinion, that's the reason for this whole financial, environmental and geopolitical shit storm we're in right now. Just a bunch of greedy dudes getting greedier. They just don't care. People starving, people dying for oil, people losing their homes - hey that's cool - just make sure my seven figure bonus check is in my mailbox, k? Un Frigging believable.

Yeah, in case you hadn't already figured it out, Debt Daddy is a liberal. I hope that doesn't bother anyone. If it does, well, I really don't care. Those powers that be have tried to turn liberal into a nasty word - something to be embarrassed about. Should I feel that way? Let's ask Webster.

Liberal - defined by Webster as generous and broad minded. Liberals, as one would imagine, practice liberalism which is defined as believing in progress, the essential goodness of the human race, the autonomy of the individual and standing for the protection of political and civil liberties.

So, should I be embarrassed by that? Nah...by that definition, Jesus was a liberal. So was Gandhi. Hell, by that definition, Superman was a liberal. I'm in some pretty cool company.

In the coming months, you're gonna hear a lot of folks trying to use the word "liberal" as a derogatory term. When they do, I hope you'll think back on this post and take what they're saying with a grain of salt.

Whether they like it or not, we're all in this together. The shoe, the horse, the rider, the battle, even the kingdom ain't worth a hill of beans without that nail.

And the term "Acceptable Losses"? Well, that's just Unacceptable.

Peace.

You Wanna Do WHAT??

I've gone off the deep end.

I want to open a restaurant.

I know, I know.....Debt Daddy is insanity personified. He's already got so much work going on that there needs to be a scheduled appointment for sleep, absolutely NO working capital to speak of, and he's talking about going into a business with a fairly abysmal success rate. Yes, in this venture, the odds are stacked squarely against our hero.

Given my history, that seems to be exactly the way I like them.

So, what do I have? Grand Illusions (or is it delusions? Right either way, I guess). I have a vision, building in the back of my brain, of not just a restaurant, but more of a theatrical experience...with food.

The food in question is what can only be described as "comfort food". However, that means different things to different people. So, I ask you - what's your favorite comfort food? What's that special something you like to eat that makes you feel all warm and cozy and makes a crappy day seem not so crappy?

Please, please respond to this question. There are no wrong answers, there will not be a quiz, you can even post anonymously if you like. However, if you do include your name, and the food you mention makes it onto the menu, there's a good chance we'll name that dish after you. So quick! Comment now! Immortality on a menu might be only a few short keystrokes away!

Do you know about Tyler Durden?

NOTE: This post deals with the movie "Fight Club". If you have not seen this movie, please see it. Debt Daddy gives it two enthusiastic thumbs up. If, like a friend of mine, you didn't see this film because you don't like movies about fighting, let me fill you in - Fight Club is about a whole lot more than fighting. In fact, IMHO, fighting is probably the least important part of the flick.


"Do you know about Tyler Durden?"

Meat Loaf says this line to Edward Norton in the movie, "Fight Club". Tyler Durden, played by Brad Pitt (Brad Pitt, organizer of the Make it Right foundation, rebuilding the lower 9th ward in New Orleans - http://www.makeitrightnola.org/ - please donate), is a larger than life, in your face character who takes the rules and constructs of society and turns them upside down to suit his needs and desires. It is Tyler Durden who, with the help of Edward Norton's character, starts Fight Club and, throughout the film, brings a large network of people around to his way of thinking. He does this by yanking them out of their comfort zone, shaking them out of their complacency and making them realize that you are not defined by your job, or your condo, or your IKEA living room set.

Tyler Durden recreates the world in his own image. When Debt Daddy grows up, he wants to be Tyler Durden.

When I first considered blogging about "Fight Club", my emphasis was going to be on how Tyler and his group dealt with the outside world. One of the best lines in the movie is where Tyler says to the Police Commissioner (who is at that moment, being held down on a bathroom floor with a knife pressed up against his family jewels - always a motivation to listen), "Look, the people you are after are the people you depend on. We cook your meals, we haul your trash, we connect your calls, we drive your ambulances. We guard you while you sleep.

Do not... fuck with us."

To me, that pretty much sums up the current financial situation in our country. The Richies keep going after the Average Joe, taking his money, outsourcing his job to India, foreclosing on his house - all the while blind to the fact that Joe and the rest of the Average world keep the trains running on time. Now, with the housing market, GDP and consumer confidence in a tailspin, I think they might finally be starting to realize that yes - if you push us too far, it will cause those on the top to suffer as well. Indeed, best not to "fuck with us".

So, that was going to be the gist of this entry. But then I started thinking about Tyler Durden himself. Throughout this film, Tyler challenges our basic assumptions about our daily lives and the world in which we live. Not simply, "Are we winning in the game of Life?" which we regularly ask ourselves, but instead, "What does winning this particular game mean? Who made up the rules to this game? Why do we follow them? Is this really the game we want to be playing, in the way we're playing it?"

Tyler says, "The things you own end up owning you." If you're still paying 19% interest on that solar powered hot dog rotisserie and bun warmer that you just had to have, you know this is true.

Tyler says, "Reject the basic assumptions of civilization, especially the importance of material possessions." Why? See the above quote.

Tyler says, "You have to know the answer to this question! If you died right now, how would you feel about your life?" Socrates once said, "the unexamined life is not worth living", yet most of us think of this self examination in much the same way that we might think about a colonoscopy - a big pain in the ass is the main thought. But, like a colonoscopy, we're also secretly afraid of what we might find. Fear aside, it's worth thinking about.

And here's a quote attributed to Tyler that I honestly don't remember ever hearing in the movie, but it spoke to me:

"Warning: If you are reading this then this warning is for you. Every word you read of this useless fine print is another second off your life. Don't you have other things to do? Is your life so empty that you honestly can't think of a better way to spend these moments? Or are you so impressed with authority that you give respect and credence to all that claim it? Do you read everything you're supposed to read? Do you think every thing you're supposed to think? Buy what you're told to want? Get out of your apartment. Meet a member of the opposite sex. Stop the excessive shopping and masturbation. Quit your job. Start a fight. Prove you're alive. If you don't claim your humanity you will become a statistic. You have been warned- Tyler. "

Do you know about Tyler Durden?